The Shadow
by Mirror and Image
Summary: [Complete] Parody of the 1930s and 40s radio drama, the Shadow. The MashoWarlords get a crack at acting: Littered with bad puns, poor visual affects, and shoddy direction from us. Later chapters may include the 90s movie with Alec Baldwin.
1. The Shadow Returns

**The Shadow**   
Mirror and Image

* * *

_The Shadow Returns_

* * *

**Pre Show:**

There is a stage, as well as cameras, microphones, lights, and racks of costumes. There sit and stand many people. Five bishounen, four biseinen, two women, one Ancient, and a partrich in a pear tree. There are also two other girls, twins, sitting in a pair of director's chairs. One chair is purple, the other is grey. Everyone is looking over a thick stack of papers.

"The Shadow?" Jiro, a white haired and one eyed man asked. "What kind of name is that?"

"Beside the name of an animal sidekick in a really bad Mary Sue," the scarred Kujuurou asked.

The twins, Mirror and Image, look at each other. "Have you no culture?" one of them asked. The four former bad guys had long since given up trying to tell them apart.

The one in the grey director's chair, Image they guessed, waved her script. "The Shadow was a magazine first, then it was made into one of those B serials that they used to show before movies in the theatre, then it was made into a radio drama that lasted for over twenty years. The Shadow's first voice was done by a very young Orson Wells. And there was a movie with Alec Baldwin. This is famous!"

Mirror shifted in her director's chair. "Come on! Haven't you ever heard lines like, 'Who knows what evil lurks in the heart of men?' Or, 'The weed of crime bears bitter fruit?' Where to you think maniacal laughter comes from?"

Everyone looked to the snake eyed Naotoki.

"Besides him!" the twins shouted.

"Okay, okay," Kayura said. "So this is famous. Why are we redoing it?"

The twins grinned. "You haven't guessed? This is a fanfic idea."

Everyone on the stage paled visibly and backed away from the twins.

"Oh, come on! We're not that bad, are we?"

"Yes you are!" everyone shouted.

A blond stepped forward. "So who gets the parts?" he asked nervously.

"It's listed in the first page. You were supposed to have already read this," Mirror said. "We're going to try to keep it a warlord fic, so they get the juicy parts, but everyone else gets parts to."

"Should we be thrilled?" asked the one eyed Jiro.

The red headed Koma, however, was scanning the script. "Wait a second. I'm the captain. He barely shows up!"

Naaza also disliked his role in the script. "I play a sick person. Almost everything I say is 'moan', 'groan'. What kind of part is that?"

Kujuurou looked through his part. "I'm the Shadow? How did I know," he murmured. "Wait a second!" he said as he skipped to the end. "I'm supposed to get shot? The hero, stronger than anything else, is practically killed by a measly bullet? What kind of hero is that?"

"And what about me!" Kayura demanded. "This Margo Lane person is such a wimp. What's this 'It's a good thing I'm not a man' crack! I was the strongest character in the series! Well, aside from the Ancient."

"And I'm the bad guy!" Jiro exclaimed, his white hair standing on end. "I'm the best actor in this menagerie and I'm stuck playing the bad guy? How stupid is that?"

"People! People!" the twins said over the annoyed crowd. Mirror continued. "We're taking these episodes from the radio dramas, alright? This is the 1930's 40's and some of the 50's we're talking about. Perceptions were a little. . . different. So was story-telling."

"But 'being a man'?"

"Being shot?"

"Oh, come on!" Image said, tossing her script to the floor. "We know that some of the dialog sounds corny nowadays, and that some of it was downright cheesy. But this was high drama in its heyday! Try to think of it that way."

"But this is old!" the snake eyed and green haired Naotoki cried.

"So are you guys!" Image shouted back. "Deal with it!"

Everyone gave a collective groan, but continued to look at their scripts.

* * *

**The Shadow Returns**

* * *

The twins had somehow managed acquire an unrealistic set of acoustics. So of course the organ music, at full volume, deafened everyone in the movie theatre and caused them to vibrate along with the supposedly dramatic chords that were played.

From somewhere, there came an evil sounding laughter. "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!"

The voice of Ryo entered next. "The Shadow, mysterious character who aides the forces of law, and order, is in reality Lamont Cranston, er, Cale Sasaki, wealthy young man about town."

"I'm wealthy? Alright!"

"Sasaki's constant friend and companion, the lovely Margo Lane, I mean, er, Lady Kayura?"

"Get on with it!"

"-is the only person who knows to whom the mysterious voice of the Shadow belongs. Today's adventure: 'The Shadow Returns'."

"Why is it called 'The Shadow Returns'? This is the first episode," the scarred Kujuurou asked.

"I don't know," Kayura said. "First episode of a new season? The twins picked it."

Why the microphone was on the two stars and not on Ryo doing the commercial is still unknown to this day. But finally, whoever was asleep in the sound booth woke up and put things right.

"And now, let us begin our story," Ryo said. Somewhere during the commercial he had found his confidence in acting, but how will remain a mystery because of the idiot in the sound booth.

* * *

The scene opened in a room filled with smoke. An unfortunate situation of that time is that smoking wasn't seen as the health risk it is today. Anyway, several tin can soldiers that looked rather disgusting dressed in pinstripe suits and fedoras continued to smoke and chatter amongst themselves, though how their cigarettes and pipes even reached their mouths is yet another mystery that has never been solved. There are an awful lot of unsolved mysteries here. Oh well.

Finally, an average Joe, pulled right out of the 1940s tried to speak in front of the hideous crowd in front of him that was supposed to look normal. Trying is the operative word. When tin cans talk, you see, it produces the sound of a buzz saw trying to slice a thick metal barrel. In short, it was really noisy. The average Joe finally gave up, hoping he'd be paid for the lines he couldn't say and motioned for a blue haired "official from Washington" to come up.

Well, since the metal demon soldiers actually _recognized_ the blue haired man in a suit, his own fedora in his hand, they actually quieted down. Moderately. At least enough for official Touma to talk.

"Ah, gentleman, we have a severe problem we need to discuss."

The buzz saw started again.

"Listen to me or I'll put on my armor!"

The buzz saw stopped. Permanently this time, since armor is quite a scary thing for the average tin can.

"Just let me say my lines and I'll get out of here," Touma grumbled. He held out a clipboard, meant to make Touma look more official, but instead gave Touma his lines to read. "Okay," the blue haired Washington official with a Japanese name said.

"Japanese? During World War II? What are you two doing!"

Touma's head ticked. "Please let me say my lines so I get out of here!"

Silence befell the set.

"Thank you. Okay, as I was saying, in the last six moths, over sixty ships have ported in this harbor-" Touma was cut off as an overly loud foghorn blared. The sound booth made a boo-boo again. That was supposed to be in the distance. Darn.

Unperturbed by the interruption, Touma continued. He wanted out and now. "-over one hundred men working on these ships have been hospitalized. Forty of them have lost a limb, and ten have died of bad infections. Therefore, I want all of you and your crews-"

The buzz saw started again, but this time the audience could make it out.

"How can we be captains?"

"We're metal!"

"We sink like a rock!"

Frustrated, angry, and ready to destroy, Touma put on his full armor.

The buzz saw stopped.

"-to be careful." Touma's words were strained. "If this continues, someone else may lose an arm, a leg-" dramatic pause "-or maybe a life!" Fully armored Touma stomped off the set while the organ made the audience vibrate again.

* * *

By the way, that organ is what changes scenes.

* * *

Next up, we see what looks like a very small doctor's office, with a few beds and a small cramped desk. Within the room, there are quite a few men talking, including one with white hair and an eye patch, one with green hair, and one with ash hair. The one with ash hair was talking to the one with green hair, so the camera zoomed in.

"So," Kento, ahem, Johnson said, tapping his bowler's hat into place and putting his thumbs under his suspenders, "That sawbones ain't no good. He's got a very bad history with patients. Even killed a friend of mine. If he tries anything with you, leave. Immediately."

Naaza, um, Paine raised an eyebrow. "Where's your accent?"

"I don't even know what kind of accent that guy is playing. I'll just go with what I know, which is me."

"Right." Naaza took a deep breath, getting into character. "I appreciate your concern, but I'll be fine. I can handle it. Everything's jake. Besides. I need the job."

Kento blinked. "Everything's jake? Huh?"

"Common phrase from the time period," Naaza hissed. "Didn't you try to do some research on your part?"

". . . No."

Dr. Dais Kurada, however, interrupted. "Naaza. I need to see you." The audience looked at Dr. Dais. He called that acting? How much more over emphasized could you get? And this guy was an expert on illusions? Yeah, right.

"Okay, Naaza. Let me see your arm."

"Here you are, sir." The audience noted a difference. Naaza was a superb actor, changing his intonation to match how people of the 30s and 40s spoke, he was dressed for the part, and he acted like a new sailor like he was supposed to. The only thing that was wrong was that his hair didn't look like it came from the golden age of radio.

"Where'd you get this vaccination shot," Dr. Dais asked, an annoyed expression on his face. Couldn't the audience see what a fine job he was doing?

"Where you told me to, sir. Is there something wrong?"

"Oh, that's right. I forgot," Dais paused. "No. An infection seems to have set in. I'll have to do something about it."

"But doctor!" Naaza pleaded, bringing tears to the audience's eyes, "My mother is sick. We need the money, and this is only my first voyage!"

"Then I'll have to strike your name from the record. You won' be able to work." The crowd booed Dais's acting.

"Oh. . . ah. . . alright. I'll do it," Naaza answered, his head hanging low. Naaza fans in the audience swooned. Swiftgold most notably.

Dais pulled out an oxygen mask. "This will numb you so I can do what I need to." Not waiting for a reply, he pushed the mask over Naaza's mouth and smiled

Naaza did not take kindly to this. "STOP IT! STOP IT! Someone! help . . ." Naaza fell back onto the bed, unconscious. Naaza fans got up from their swoon and yelled many unprintable things and raced to the movie screen to do something about that bad Dr. Dais. Dais fans, meanwhile, headed off the Naaza fans, defending their beloved one-eyed hunk, saying he was only playing a roll. Chaos insued.

If only they knew how the twins usually ran these productions. Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh, heh.

Anyway, oblivious to what was going on in the movie theatre, Dais chuckled over the unconscious Naaza. "Now it's time for the real operation to begin."

The sudden organ surprised everyone, the volume of it tossing them back to their proper seats.

* * *

The camera faded to a distance shot of what looked to be an ocean cruiser of high quality. Said camera slowly zoomed in until it finally spotted what would become two very familiar figures. One was the lovely Lady Kayura, dressed in a fancy overcoat and feathered hat. How all her hair fit under it is beyond anyone. Cale, in dark topcoat, was leaning over the rail and looking very green. The camera moved before it could see anymore of what Cale was doing, and instead cut to a close up of Kayura. She gave a quick victory sign to the camera. The cruiser gave a sudden lurch from the ocean current, causing unhealthy noises to emanate from Cale's direction and a foul look to cross Kayura's face.

"Those twins never tell us anything," she muttered. "You'd think they'd tell us about on location shooting, but noooooo, they have to go and surprise us so our reactions can look more realistic."

"I'd much rather be in a studio with a blue screen," Cale coughed before he finally came into view.

"No you wouldn't," Kayura replied. "They'd have to put us on a platform that rocked back and forth and side to side."

Cale leaned over the rail again, making more gagging noises.

"I thought 'Gatekeeper, No Not Aki' was bad," Kayura continued, completely ignoring her counterpart.

"No," groaned Cale, standing back up. "I'm beginning to think that was just preparation for this. But anyway, I thrown up everything in my stomach, why don't we get on with it."

"Whatever." Kayura, who had been leaning on the rail, straightened and looked in a random direction. "Why Cale!" she said in a girly voice. Well, girly for Kayura. "Look over there! The crewmen have been gathering like that for the last two days! I wonder what could be the matter."

"Well," Cale said in an equally fake, cheerful voice. "Since we're only passengers and have no right to interfere in the ship's business, why don't we casually walk over there and find out what's going on?"

Both hoped that the other's acting ability improved over the next few episodes.

For the first time, the organ did not shock onto the soundtrack, and instead the camera just did a straight cut to the bow of the ship, near the officer's quarters. There were a bunch of tin cans, this time in blue and white sailor suits. The scary part? They put the Sailor Senshi to shame. Anyway, amongst them was Kento, his bowler hat exchanged for a sailor hat. His voice was angry but his face wasn't.

"Let me in there!" he shouted. Two tin cans were trying to hold him back to little avail. Kento, without even trying, was breaking them apart.

At least they're recyclable.

"Damn it! This is getting serious!" Kento tried again. "You gotta do something about this." Wait, wait. Cussing? In the 30s and 40s?

From one of the officer cabins came a red headed youth, in full captain attire. Anubis fans squealed at the shear beauty of a man in uniform. Following him was Dr. Dais, who received a mixed reply from the audience.

"Here, now," Captain Doji said. "What's going on?"

"Cap, you gotta do something about that boy, Paine!" Kento shouted. He broke a few more tin cans and walked right up to Anubis. "That sawbones over there isn't doing a damn thing! Naaza's arm's so swollen; it's like twice its normal size! You gotta fix it, cap!"

Anubis looked at Kento with a moderate look of concern, and then turned to Dr. Dais. "What's this about young Paine?"

Dais shrugged easily, his face grinning happily, even though he was supposed to be serious. "It's nothing serious," he annunciated. "The boy had a slight infection from his vaccination shot. He's a little sick from the waves as a result. I will operate when we get to port."

Dais fans in the audience sighed at their man's perfect smile. In reply, Dais winked to the camera.

Captain Doji managed a look of suspicion, causing cries of encouragement and cheer from his fans in the audience. But he turned back to Kento.

"Johnson. Inciting a mutiny is a serious offense. You'll have a hearing when we get to port. Until then, I'll have to put you in irons for the rest of the trip."

Shuu fans cried out in shock.

"You can't do this to me!" Kento said, looking honestly surprised. Apparently the twins hadn't mentioned there would be real irons. They clamped onto his wrists. "Hey! Not so tight! You can't do this!" he repeated. "The twins are so dead for this. Let me go! Let me go!"

Cale and Kayura watched with overt smiles as Kento was lead below decks.

"There may be some justice in this fic after all," Cale said, fully aware of the pun.

"Lamont, er Cale," Kayura said in her girly voice again. "What do we do now?"

Cale blinked his face blank. Then he pulled out a palm size book. "Well, I want to go down to see this Naaza Paine." He cleared his throat, reading from the booklet. "From my experience, too many people can't be too far off."

Kayura mutter something about mob thinking, but it was drowned out at the sound of the organ.

* * *

The new scene showed the ship's first mate Shin leading Cale and Kayura down a flight of dark, dirty stairs. Or rather, it appeared to be Cale and Kayura. Shin, happily dressed as a sailor, didn't have a hat, but instead was taking a handkerchief to wipe the continuous sweat from his brow. Cale's topcoat was over his arm, as well as his suit jacket, sleeves rolled up, tie loosened, and expensive vest opened. (Cale fans roared. Fan service!) He reached up and pushed his fedora farther back on his head, letting sweat stream down is face. Kayura, meanwhile, had an odd looking staff out that encircled her in a soft cool glow, looking as though the heat and humidity of the lower bowels of the ship weren't messing up her hair, um, feathered hat.

"My," the small lady murmured, "it's awfully hot and icky down here. Is this really were a sick person should be? And this poor lighting. It's amazing we can even see our way down."

The hot and matted Shin and Cale turned to Kayura.

Letting out a long sigh, Cale spoke. "Wouldn't a deck cabin be better if Naaza is in so much pain?"

"We're here," Shin answered, avoiding the question.

Cale turned to Kayura.

"Don't even think of saying that line!" she demanded.

"Would you like to face the twins?" the scared and sweaty man retorted. "Ahem. Kayura, you'd better stay out here."

Kayura huffed, but said nothing, remaining out in the cool of her magical barrier.

Shin raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Shin fans, meanwhile were screaming. He actually had a part! They were so happy! The first mate turned and opened a heavy iron door to see Naaza, clutching his arm, hissing in pain, and trying to leave his small hot and humid room.

"Blimey, mate," Shin said, sounding oddly like Cye instead, "what are you doing out of bed?"

"Gotta work," Naaza muttered, his breath ragged and voice hoarse. Cale and Shin blinked in surprise. "First job. . . Got someone depending on me. . ." The snake eyed young man was unable to say more, however, as he fell onto the dirty iron floor, hissing in pain.

Kayura rushed in, her staff ready and a light glow envelops Naaza.

"Wait a minute!" she cried out. "You're just acting! The twins didn't really do anything to you and you're just _acting_!"

Not breaking character for a minute, Naaza wheezed and groaned. It didn't take long for Naaza fans to start to flood the aisles again to see if they could do.

Kayura regained her composure, turning to Cale. "His arm's really swollen, almost to the size of two arms," she stated in girly voice, not sounding serious at all like she was supposed to.

Cale wasn't paying attention, however. He had a small book in his palm again. "It's odd," he muttered, reading from the book. "That arm shouldn't be sewn up. It should be allowed to drain."

Shin meanwhile, sweatdropped. "Aren't infections treated with antibiotics? Not. . . draining?" He forgot that the 30s and 40s had different medical techniques. Shin fans didn't care though. He actually spoke. Many sighed dreamily.

"It's my fault," a weak voice from the floor said. Cale and Shin took a hint and helped him into bed. "Was warned against Dr. Dais. . ."

"Warned?" Cale asked. Oh! Oh! He raised an eyebrow! He was attempting to act again! "Warned by whom?"

"Good friend. . .Kento. . ."

Naaza didn't say anything else, however, since Captain Doji and Dr. Dais came in. Speak of the devil. In fact, Dr. Dais was looking very handsome. Though slightly matted from the humidity, his hair was beautifully combed out. He didn't have his normal doctor coat on, instead leaving his shirt partially open and his sleeves rolled up. Dais fans were very loud. However, they were rivaled by Anubis fans, since Captain Doji still had his full uniform on and was looking just as handsome. Ahhhhhh, eye candy. . .

"Captain," Cale started, tossing his overcoat and jacket onto a seat to relieve the heat from his arms, "I don't think this boy should be down here." Amazing, he was saying long lines without checking his palm. "I'm willing to cut into my rich, rich, rich, bank account and pay for a deck cabin for him. Air circulation will do him some good."

Captain Doji hesitated, "I'm not sure," he said, trying to fit into the extremely small room. In order to oblige him, the first mate Shin left, leaving Shin fans rather annoyed. Now that he was finally in the room, Captain Doji saw the condition of Naaza, who continued to moan and groan, making Kayura give worried glances. Captain Doji tried to say something, but the idiot in the sound booth made another mistake. He focused instead on bringing Naaza's sounds of pain to the foreground instead. When the mistake was discovered, Captain Doji was rather irritated that he had to say his lines over again.

"I said," he muttered angrily, "that I agree with you, Mr. Sasaki. This cabin boy needs a better room than this."

Dr. Dais, however, objected. "I can't let you do that."

Kayura, taken in by Naaza's superb acting, and still glowing from her cool spell, looked rather intimidating as she replied, "Are you saying that you won't help this boy, who obviously needs medical attention?"

Dr. Dais took this all in stride, giving a big smile to all his fans in the audience. "I wouldn't object if I didn't think that moving him was a bad idea."

Captain Doji shot Dr. Dais a frustrated look, but did nothing.

All four left poor, poor Naaza groaning in pain. The captain and the doctor went off ahead as Cale and Kayura talked.

Kayura, however, wouldn't say her line.

"I will NOT say that it's better to be a man!"

Cale knew better than to become a focus for her fury. "I think I'll pay a visit to Kento Johnson. He seems to have some clue as to what's going on. Unlike us."

The organ once more deafened the audience.

* * *

Cale's voice was heard briefly, mumbling on why he had to go see Kento as the Shadow and not as himself. . .

* * *

Anyway, the next scene opened in Kento's cell. Said conscripted sailor was leaning back on his bed, free of the irons he had been placed in earlier, and happy that it appeared he wouldn't have to worry about any more lines in the show. In fact, if he was such a minor character, this might not be so bad. The lines he had didn't amount to too much, so he didn't have to worry about the loads of memorization that Kujuurou and the others had to do. Nope, this didn't seem so bad at all.

"Kento."

Upon hearing his name, Kento shot up, wondering if the twins were letting him out of this holding cell. Maybe the show was finally over and he could go to the opening show's banquet. He hoped the twins provided enough at the banquet for him and everyone else.

"Hold on," he muttered. "You don't sound like the twins."

"I am not."

Whoa. Kento shivered. That voice was. . . was. . .he couldn't describe it easily. It had a silky soft, almost velvety quality to it, but it was low and menacing. That voice had no owner, as Kento looked around his cell and out into the hall. If it had no owner. . .Kento started to get creeped out. The voice didn't sound natural; it felt like the voice was coming from everywhere and nowhere, all at the same time. It sounded like a gentle spring shower; a soft rain that washed away the dirt after a harsh winter. Something cold went down Kento's spine. He was not in a good situation right now.

"I need to talk to you."

No, Kento was definitely not in a good place right now.

The audience, however, didn't care about Kento. Not even the Shuu fans, since they were all sitting back in utter shock! The audience, given how the show opened, knew that the mysterious voice was the Shadow. That meant the man playing the voice was none other than Cale. The man who barely acted by simply raising an eyebrow was now portraying a sinister voice that would easily put fear, not only into the hearts of criminals, but also anyone else who listened upon it?

What an amazing thing.

Alright, alright! Enough description, you get the idea. Back to the actual story!

"Kento," the spooky voice said again. "What do you know of Dr. Dais?"

Kento slid into his bed, curling up and hopefully away from the scary sound. "What are you, a ghost?" Kento was not a superstitious sort, but this was giving him goose bumps.

"No." Cale, er, the Shadow fans were starting to swoon. Unacera being one of the first to go. "I am not a ghost. I am the Shadow."

"Shadow?" Kento started to curse the twins that got him into this. He was going to have a long conversation with them when this fic was over.

"I have clouded your mind so that you cannot see me. Now tell me. What do you know of Dr. Dais?"

Kento felt something cold go down his spine. "I've sailed with the 'good doctor' before. Good people usually end up in the hospital when he's on board, or even loosing a limb. Even killed my friend, Dr. Kaosu."

"I am already dead!" came Kaosu's voice. That moron in the sound booth.

"I see."

As if the audience wasn't shocked enough, the organ blasted them again.

* * *

Joy! We're halfway through this episode! Do you know what that means? Commercial!

Ryo's voice came over the audience. "Well, the Shadow certainly seems to be in the middle of things. What will our hero do? Well, friends, we'll find out soon enough. But first, I want to take the time to tell you about. . . about. . . Swords & Sorcery?"

Ryo's voice was silenced, and the sound booth, uncertain on what to do, searched for somewhere where there was sound. It turned out to be in the back room.

"Swords & Sorcery? What are they thinking?" That was Kayura. "Where to they come off advertising their own fanfics?"

"It's not even finished yet!" That was Naaza, er, Naotoki. "It's like, what, a hundred pages and they're not even half way. Nobody's gonna read until like, what? The end of the year at the soonest?"

"And the torture. . ." muttered Dais, not at all needing to act as a shudder could be heard.

Somewhere, way off in the distance, Ryo's voice could again be heard. Faintly.

"Well, er, uh, it's a fic that the twins are writing, and uh, I want all of you to look forward. . . to it, yeah. And, uhm, back to the show?"

Well, the sound booth couldn't mess up the organ, and any further complaints were either held off or shut off as the vibrant chords boomed through the ridiculously overdone sound system.

* * *

The scene opened in the captain's office. Doji looked stunning in his uniform, as expected, and his face looked stern as Cale and Kayura sat with him. Cale had his booklet out, his mouth moving as he read, and Kayura, looking pleased with herself, was talking.

"Well, I took the liberty, without anyone telling me to do so because I am not a silly female who bubbles on cue, to send out an inquiry over the wire about Dr. Dais.

"Wire?" Cale asked, not bothering to look up from his booklet.

"We don't have phones on a ship," Doji explained. "The length of the wire would kill us. So we have shortwave radios. The star of the show obviously didn't research this time era."

Kayura, looking suspiciously at Cale, grabbed his booklet.

"Hey!"

Kayura, examining it, showed it to the camera. "That's because he's too busy writing down possibilities on how to kill the twins." She promptly tore the list up. "If you want to do that, Cale, then you have to have ALL of us in on it and not where the twins can find it. Tossing the torn paper aside with one hand, she tossed the booklet back to a now dejected Cale.

"Anyway," Kayura continued her girly voice back in place. "I learned all on my own that this Dr. Dais is a fraud."

Captain Doji grinned, fan service at its finest. "I think we all know that he's a fraud."

A muted "Hey!" filtered in from somewhere.

"No, no," Kayura said, suppressing a smile. "I mean that he isn't really a doctor. He failed in his practice exam because of his failure in character."

"Too true," Cale agreed from his booklet, this time puzzling his way out of being shot.

Another "Hey!" filtered into the room, this time more angrily.

"As much as we could milk those possibilities about Dr. Dais' character," Kayura continued. "I want out of this episode."

Captain Doji nodded. "I always suspect he wasn't up to par. But I couldn't ignore his papers. I'm rather pleased we can add forgery to his list of offenses."

"You'd have to find him first," Kayura said, her face momentarily looking something other than pleased. However it was too fast for anyone to discern. "No one's seen him since that Kento Johnson started screaming blue murder about that Shadow thing."

Cale coughed, an attempt at looking nervous, and then glared at Kayura. She only stuck her tongue out at him in response. Then he looked to Doji. He was trying to look concerned, but actually looked angry for some reason. "I'm still worried about the boy, Naaza Paine. He needs an operation, but we don't have a doctor on board." He paused to look at his booklet. "Can we take him to a nearby ship?"

Doji shook his head. "Not in those waters." He continued despite Cale's suddenly green face. "I wouldn't risk putting him overboard in those seas. The _Empress Marguerite_ was closest to us, though, and I know the physician on board. A little stiff, but okay."

A "Hey!" from a different voice filtered into the room.

"We can radio him for advice."

And so, the organ ensued.

* * *

The scene faded to a very luxurious deck cabin. The windows were open, letting in cool, dry air from a slight breeze. Naaza, pale, sweating, and groaning, tossed and turned in a huge, feather downed bed. Kayura stood watch, resisting the ever present urge to pull out her staff and heal the only-acting Naaza. Cale sat by the window, his eyes closed in an attempt to keep from running to the rail. They were on location again, it looked like.

Captain Doji, meanwhile, was fiddling with an ancient looking radio, turning dials and cursing under his breath about going into an episode cold turkey. There finally came a staticy noise, and the voice of the "stiff, but okay" doctor came up.

"Captain Doji?"

"Dr. Date, good to hear from you," The captain replied happily.

"You won't say that when I get my hands on you."

"At least you're not on location!" Cale shouted bitterly from the other side of the room.

Kayura, the only one willing to get the scene over with, interjected, looking up from the feverish Naaza. "Doctor, what can we do about this poor boy?"

Clearing his voice, Date answered. "You have to operate now, if you want any chance at saving him. Without a doctor on board, an officer or an experienced layman will have to do it."

"How!" Doji asked.

"I'll direct the operation. Just follow my instructions, and you'll be just fine."

Cale looked to Doji. "Well, have fun trying to take orders from that blonde bimbo."

"What did you sa--" anything Dr. Date said was cut of as the captain quickly turned off the radio.

"ME!" Doji replied; his face honestly shocked. Naaza let out a groan. "How the hell am I supposed to operate? Do I look like I've had any experience in first aid, let alone surgery?"

Cale gave out a lazy grin, a look that didn't quite look right on his very green face. "You're the captain, the ranking officer. Do enjoy the operation, and try not to kill poor Naaza over there."

In reply, Naaza let out a low breath. "Ma's depending on me. . ." He tossed again; sweat rolling down his face, despite the cool air. Swiftgold, in the audience, resisted the urge to jump into the screen and do something for him. Unacera was also holding back similar urges to do something about her poor seasick scarred bishi.

Kayura, trying to remember her lines, suddenly smiled evilly. "Cale," she said, her girly voice suddenly dripping in sugar, "You've have medical training, haven't you?"

Cale's green face suddenly blanched. "I do? Since when?"

"It's convenient for the story," Kayura said, her smile widening. "You've got to do it."

Doji, also grinning, looked to Cale. "You have training? Sasaki, you've got to do it."

"Huh? But. . . I can't. . . you can't just. . ."

Naaza let out another loud groan, muttering about his mother. Cale looked at the cabin boy, and for a moment, and honest look of pity crossed Cale's face. Then he realized he was being tricked, and hung his head in defeat. "Fine. I'll do it. We'll operate in fifteen."

* * *

After the organ finished resonating and almost breaking the unrealistic sound system, (we might want to fire they guy in the sound booth, this is getting a little much) the scene reopened, this time off location, much to Cale's relief, and in an officer's cabin that had no windows, and only one door. The room was medium sized, but appeared larger since any furniture had been cleared out to leave only one bed and a table with a shortwave radio. On the bed was Naaza, looking very worse for wear and still convincing everyone in the room that he was really, REALLY, _REALLY_ sick.

Kayura came in with a bundle of supplies in her arms and dressed in a cute white nurse's uniform.

"What are you dressed like that for?" Captain Doji asked.

"I'm here for fan service," the nurse replied, her long blue hair somehow tied into a small bun. "What else? Cale is supposed to play doctor and I'm his 'lovely friend and companion'. I might as well be nurse." Kayura's smile turned on the sugar again. "Besides, do you really think Naaza, the person you torment in the sub, would even want you to assist Cale?" Captain Doji glared at her. "I thought so."

Cale, who was in the corner wondering how on earth he was going to avoid getting shot in this scene, was rummaging around the various supplies. An idea dawned on him. He could. . .

"Hey!" the twins shouted. "What are you thinking Cale?"

No, Cale thought, that wouldn't work. The twins would win. As they always did when writing a fic. He put something in his pocket and rolled up his sleeves. Come to think of it, Unacera and Image were admiring Cale. He had discarded his topcoat and suit coat, leaving only his vest over his crisp white shirt. Keeping the fedora on was actually a very nice touch. Drool.

Mirror dragged Image away. "You're not supposed to be looking over my shoulder when typing," she hissed.

Ahem. The sound booth baboon was this close to assuring himself to being fired by the next show for letting that filter in. He had better do a damn good job on this scene if he hopes to come back in the next episode, hence getting a pay raise.

Now that that's out of the way, back to the drama!

Cale walked over to Naaza, pushing some of the sweat matted hair away from the wheezing boy's forehead. "Do you want something to relax you?" he asked, Naaza's acting getting the better of him.

"No. . . I've got. . .own relaxant. . ."

Well of course. What else would expect from the former Warlord of Venom, er Doko Ma Sho?

Cale's little palm book was visible to the camera again. "You're about to be put through a little bit of an ordeal," the scarred man explained. "You'll have to listen to everything I'm going to do to you, since this era doesn't provide me with pain killers for you."

While this had been going on, there had been static in the back ground as Captain Doji fiddled with the shortwave radio. Again.

"Aha!"

Though filtered, the voice of Dr. Date came in loud and clear and dripping with acid. "Alright, Captain Doji. You'll be performing the operation I assume."

"No," the red-haired biseinen replied. "I have an experienced layman here. Cale Sasaki."

Low mumbling was heard from the radio that doesn't really bear repeating.

"Alright Mr. Sasaki. I would like to run through your supplies with you."

"No problem, Dr. Date." It was amazing the false politeness going around. One would almost think that none of the assembled actually liked each other. Nah. Couldn't be.

"Scalpel? Towels? Sterilized gauze for draining? Iodine? Antiseptic? Will you confirm my instructions? Are you even listening to me?" As Dr. Date was listing all of the supplies that Cale would need, Cale nodded in response, forgetting completely that Dr. Date was coming in over the radio and couldn't see him.

"I said YES already!" Cale said in high frustration.

"I'm gonna die," Naaza muttered, groaning in pain. Well, that sufficed in defusing the hot anger going around. Wow. Naaza is not only a good actor, he knows how to use it.

"Very well then," Dr. Date's voice said. "Since that's all taken care of, shall we begin?"

"Yes, doctor," Cale replied calmly. He could do this. . .He could do this. . .He would NOT get shot!

The twins started to wonder if Cale was focusing on the task he was supposed to be doing.

"First thing you have to do is use the alcohol swab and rub the infected area."

"This might sting, Naaza," Cale whispered, knowing he was falling for Naaza's acting but not caring at the moment. He had something else on his mind.

"Next, give him the antiseptic. You said you had a hypodermic needle?"

"Yes." Cale pretended he was a doctor and tapped the needle and squirted it briefly before administering it.

Naaza certainly felt this. "Ooooooh!"

"Sorry, Naotoki," Cale murmured, forgetting that Naotoki was supposed to be Naaza in this episode.

"Cover the infected area with iodine."

Kayura did so.

"Now make an incision, two inches long, over the most infected area. Let it drain and that's all there is to it."

Poor Naaza didn't get this treatment, however, since Dr. Dais came in waving a gun.

"You're not going to touch my patient while I'm still on board!" he shouted.

Naaza fans booed Dais horrendously.

"All of you! Out of here and now!"

"Mr. Sasaki, Mr. Sasaki!" Dr. Date's voice came over the radio, not really sounded anxious like he was supposed to, "what's going on over there?"

"We have an unexpected guest," Cale retorted. He focused on his plan. He would NOT get shot!

"Forget about the guest!" Dr. Date shouted. "You have to operate NOW!"

Dr. Dais disagreed. "That's enough out of you!"

BANG!

There goes the authentic shortwave radio that cost a fortune to get. Dais wasn't very well liked at the moment.

Captain Doji and Kayura looked ready to pounce upon the bad Dr. Dais.

"You're a fraud!" Captain Doji said angrily. "You're fired! I won't have you on this ship anymore. I'll have you clamped in irons!"

Kayura pulled out her ancient's staff.

Cale was perfectly willing to fight Dais at this point, but he had to follow the script or face severe consequences.

"I think it best we go."

Captain Doji and Kayura whirled to him. Cale held up his hands in defense. "Follow the script! You know how the twins work!"

Hanging their heads in defeat, Captain Doji and Kayura walked out of the room.

"What are you waiting for?" Dais asked Cale, who was still at the door, his hand on the light switch. "Why you!"

Dais didn't bother to fire his gun, however, since the lights went out leaving everyone in darkness. The audience, however, knew what this meant, and cheered, the Cale fans loudest of all.

Oblivious to this, Dais turned the lights on again to the empty room. "Coward. Couldn't even stand to have me watch him cower away." Smugly, he walked over to Naaza, who was groaning in pain.

"No! No! . . . Stay away!" Naaza tried to sit up in attempt to get away. However, the sickness was draining him. Dais easily pushed him back down, a handkerchief in his hand.

"I've got some chloroform for you."

"No!"

"That arm is really bad off, Naaza."

"'Cause of you!"

"It has to come off!"

"No!" The chloroform covered Naaza's mouth and nose. He fought it off as best as he could, but with only one functioning arm at the moment and a very weak and infected body, it was to no avail. He passed out quickly.

Finding a twisted pleasure in this, Dais laughed maniacally, really getting into his role, if over done.

But his maniacal laughing was drowned out by a more chilling, more terrifying, more sinister laughing. The audience cheered.

Dais didn't really get the clue and thought that the laughing came from the radio. So he shot the radio again (BANG!) and stomped on it. Two bullets out of his six-shooter. That's not good.

"You will stop." The voice was of the Shadow. We won't bother to re-describe his chilling, almost sexy voice.

"Yeah right!" Dais whirled around, trying to find the source of the voice, scalpel already in his hand.

"I'll finish the operation," the Shadow stated, calmly wrenching the scalpel from Dais's grasp. "I believe it a two inch incision is all I need. I don't have time to deal with you. For now."

Dais did not like his patient being stolen from him. He was the bad guy, so he'd play the part to its fullest.

"You may not have time for me, but I do have time for you!" Dais pointed his gun towards where the scalpel was. "I may not see you, but I can see what you're doing, Shadow."

BANG!

"Still operating, eh?"

BANG!

BANG!

CLANG!

Everyone involved in the production froze from the sound guy all the way up to the writers. Clang? What on earth was that?

Those that remembered that they were still supposed to be acting, the crew just outside the door, started to break through.

"Well," Dais said, smiling to all his fans on the audience. "I guess this is the end for me. One bullet left." Though his gun was aimed nowhere near him. . .

BANG!

With the help of some of his illusions, he proved to be a very convincing corpse.

"Cale!" Kayura's overly sugary voice came in. "You're not shot!" Well, since everyone was coming in and Dais couldn't reveal that he was the Shadow, Cale appeared out of nowhere, still operating on poor forgotten Naaza.

"Of course not," he muttered, cutting into Naaza's flesh.

The twins, however, realized what had happened. They were not happy. "YOU JERK! YOU PUT ON YOUR SUB ARMOR! YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO DO THAT!"

Ah well. Such is free will. We need to have a talk with God about that.

The operation on Naaza merely takes a few more minutes when Captain Doji noticed something.

"Cale, look under that torn muscle."

Cale obeyed.

"A ruby? In his arm?" Kayura unwillingly paled in disgust.

The entire cast who was part of this episode and the next episodes looked to Naaza. They suddenly understood why his acting was so convincing. . .Or was that the case?

"Of course," Cale stated. "Dr. Dais and his criminal ring were smuggling jewels into the country like this. Now," he continued to work on Naaza for a few more minutes.

"If scene is over," Cale said, "I'm going back to my room. I've had enough of this to last me for a while. And no, I won't say anything corny."

The organ came in, the sound booth taking its cue.

* * *

The final scene opened to a large drawing room, with wide board hardwood floors covered in rich looking oriental rugs, a luxurious fireplace, and ornate furniture. This was the home of the wealthy young man about town, Cale Sasaki. Said character was sitting on a couch, legs across the cushions, munching happily on breakfast. Kayura, who happened to be over, was sipping a cup of tea as she read the morning paper, seated comfortably on a chair.

"This must be the quietest scene of the entire episode," Cale said comfortably as he took another sip of his coffee.

"I hope the next episode isn't done cold turkey, like this one was," Kayura said, furious at the fact that Cale was hogging the comfy looking couch while she had the poorly cushioned straight-back chair. "I've never had to remember so many lines without preparation."

"I just hope we don't do anymore on location shooting. I couldn't eat for three days after the shoot."

"I think we're supposed to crack a joke or something," Kayura said as she refilled her tea. "But I'm perfectly content with just enjoying the luxury."

Cale nodded. "Me too. Do you know if we get any more scenes in this house?"

"Haven't the faintest. I hope so." Kayura paused. "But I sort of doubt it, after your little stunt with the sub armor."

"They were going to shoot me. What was I supposed to do?"

Kayura shrugged. "Why are you hogging the couch?"

Cale shook his head. "We're supposed to be a couple, remember? Do you want to drop any hints that we actually are?"

Kayura paled. "I don't think so. You should see the people I get paired up with."

Cale shuddered. "You don't have to worry about yaoi, though."

Kayura shuddered as well. "So, what's your next line?"

Cale pulled out his booklet. "None, you start the scene."

"Oh." Kayura flipped to a page in the paper, finding her lines, and took a deep breath. "Oh, look, Cale, at this article in the paper. That hospital ring was broken up." She handed the paper over, having found her place.

"Well," Cale said, actually pulling off mild interest. "It says that ten doctors were arrested and almost all the jewels were recovered." He tossed the paper back to Kayura and helped himself to another cup of coffee. "Let's hope I never get on a boat again."

They both laughed falsely.

* * *

The screen faded to black, as the organ boomed over the audience. An eerie voice, low and sexy, laughed menacingly. "The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay. The Shadow knows, hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Ryo's voice came next. "Wow! What an exciting episode of the Shadow. Please tune in next week, same time, same station for, the Shadow!"

The lights came on, and the audience was left wondering what the heck had happened.

* * *

Go to The Gorilla Man


	2. The Gorilla Man

**The Shadow**  
_The Gorilla Man_

* * *

**Preshow:**

The twins were back in the stage again, waiting for their cast to arrive. They sat in their color-coded director's chairs, a large table in front of them. The last pre show had gotten a little vehement, so the table doubled as possible shield should anything more than normal would happen.

"Do you think they'll like this episode?" Mirror asked.

Image shrugged. "They should at least to a better job this time. I hope they learned not to do it cold turkey like the first episode."

Before more could be said, the cast for the day's episode stormed into the stage. The white haired Jiro and the green haired Naotoki walked, almost in perfect unison, clutching scripts, side by side. They marched right up to the table and slammed said scripts onto it.

"Why in hell am I playing an absolute moron?" they demanded synchronously.

Naotoki continued. "This Shrevvie character is a complete idiot! He has no comprehension skills whatsoever! How am I of all people supposed to play him?"

"And what is up with the plots of these episodes?" Jiro demanded, his one eye cold in fury. "First there was a smuggling ring that used people to smuggle, now you have me as the bad guy AGAIN, and I'm supposed to think I'm turning into a gorilla? Where do you come up with these things?"

The twins held up their hands. Mirror went first.

"We didn't come up with the scripts!" she defended. "None of these are ours, we don't own them. Consider this our disclaimer, alright? All we did is cast you guys to parts."

"So why am I that moron cab driver?" Naotoki demanded, his snake eyes narrow.

Image shrugged. "You did such a good job with the last episode, that we thought we'd put you in a more difficult role. There are four really main characters in the Shadow. The Shadow and Margo Lane, obviously, and they're already cast."

"So they don't have to worry about things like this. . ." Jiro muttered.

Image ignored him. "The third is Commissioner Weston. Since Koma looks so good in suits, he gets that part. The other is the cabbie, Shrevvie. Playing an idiot is probably the most difficult role to play in acting." Image suddenly grinned. "Especially for such an educated man such as yourself. With you're superb job in the last episode, it just seemed fitting."

Naotoki looked up to the ceiling. "What, what did I do to deserve this?" he asked.

A redhead barged onto the stage, coming from the costume wing.

"What," demanded the young Yagyu. "Is this?" She slammed a costume onto the table, on top of the two scripts.

"That's you costume," Mirror replied.

"You expect me to wear this?"

"You're an animal handler this episode. Yes."

"I reiterate. You expect me to WEAR this?"

Mirror and Image nodded.

Yagyu huffed and stormed back off the stage, muttering something about tailors.

The twins looked back to see the snake eyed Naotoki and the white haired Jiro still there. "Yes?" the asked innocently. "Was there something else?"

The two sputtered and left. Next to enter was Sanada. He looked more nervous then anything else. "Mirror?" he asked.

Said twin attempted to control her starry eyes. "Yes?" she replied dreamily.

"I'm the announcer, right?"

"Uh-huh." Shojo bubbles started to appear around Mirror. Image started popping them with a handy needle.

"Why do I get a part as well?"

"Because I know you can do it," Mirror cooed. Image popped the more bubbles before the increasing volume consumed her.

Sanada grinned. "Really?"

"Yes."

"You're not gonna torture me or anything?"

"Me? Never." Mirror sighed heavily, a picture of complete bliss. Image gave up and let the shojo bubble swallow her.

"Then, er, I'll try my best."

"You do that, Ryo."

As he left, Kayura ran onto the stage. "Naotoki is driving?" she asked.

Mirror, out of her dream state and trying to resuscitate Image, nodded absently.

"We're gonna die. . . He doesn't have a license!" Kayura shouted.

Image, finally conscious again, nodded. "We do everything for realistic reactions."

Kayura threw up her arms in defeat. "If I even get a scratch, a SCRATCH! On this episode, you'll be slapped with a suit so fast. . ."

The twins smiled evilly. "Don't worry," they said in unison. "Nothing's going to happen."

"That makes me even more scared," Kayura muttered.

* * *

**The Gorilla Man**

* * *

The acoustics still working beautifully, the thunderous chords of the organ rang through the theatre, and the audience vibrated with it as another episode of the Shadow started.

The sexy laughter tickled the audience's ears as Cale's Shadow voice entered the sound system. "Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Ryo entered next. "The Shadow, mysterious character who aids the forces of law, and order, is in reality Cale Sasaki, wealthy young man about town. Sasaki's constant friend and companion, the lovely Lady Kayura, is the only person who knows to whom the mysterious voice of the Shadow belongs. Today's adventure: 'The Gorilla Man'."

There was a pause before Ryo continued. "First, I want to remind you all that the Shadow is brought to you by Swords and Sorcery, the torture fic of all torture fics, for both authors and actors alike. The sheer scale of the fic is devastating; I have the swollen feet to prove it. And now, the Shadow!"

Rather than the scene opening in some particular place, the audience saw nothing but black. However, they did hear an internal monologue of Rajura. In fact, it was a rather bizarre monologue.

"I am," Rajura's silky voice started, "the Gorilla Man." The audience burst out laughing. "Life is not very good to me. I was never very nice on the eyes," Rajura cleared his throat and many Rajura fans disagreed. Loudly. "I was a specialist in gorilla behavior. I was a scientist. I was also very strong. That all changed when I went on a safari to Africa years ago."

The audience looks at the vast savannah of Kenya. Oh well. Gorillas would live in the jungle. Anyway.

"I was studying a particular gorilla tribe. Gorillas fascinated me. Particularly Big Boy." The audience looked to see a huge silverback gorilla hunched over and looking at the camera curiously. Next to the large animal was Rajura, looking remarkably handsome.

"I helped my team catch Big Boy for a zoo. But I only allowed it if I could be the caretaker of Big Boy and no one else. They agreed because no one else could come close to Big Boy. I could enter his cage without any fear of danger."

The scene switched to a small cage, hardly adequate for any animal by today's standards, but considered extremely large for the 1930s and 1940s. Inside was, surprisingly, a different silverback.

"One day, I was tending to Big Boy and feeding him. He always did understand me better than anyone else did. However, visitors of the zoo walked by. They weren't very polite."

Little Yulie Yamano and his parents walked by. "Mama! Mama look! There are two gorillas in the cage!"

"Now dear, don't be rude," the mother said.

"He's got a point," the father agreed with his son. "That caretaker looks more ape than human."

"Hush! It's probably something glandular. Now come along."

The scene faded and Rajura's voice came on again.

"Glandular. What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Switching scenes, Rajura was seen talking with the redheaded Anubis, the caretaker of the. . .snakes.

Naotoki's voice was heard off stage. "That jerk had better not even touch a snake or I'll deal with him!"

Back to the story.

"Well, if it isn't the Gorilla Man," Anubis jeered trying very hard to come off with a Cockney accent and failing miserably. "You ugly ape."

"Nubie, just go away," Rajura growled, feeding Big Boy.

"You're actually turning into an ape," Anubis taunted. "Someday you'll be locked up, just like Big Boy here. Hahahahahahaha!" The redhead walked away.

The scene faded to black and the organ boomed.

* * *

Rajura's voice once again spoke.

"I finally got my hands on Mirror. Excuse me, I finally got my hands on a mirror." Rajura couldn't finish his thought as the audience was surprised by his sudden cries of pain. When he finally did start talking again, he was much more subdued. Actually, that seemed to improve his acting. I wonder if I should do that more often. No, Dais/Rajura fans would kill me.

"When I finally wiped the dirt from the. . .the. . .I saw my reflection. What Nubie said was true. I was turning into a gorilla. My skin was more wrinkled. My hair was getting longer. My lips could no longer cover my teeth. I was turning into a freak. I would be captured and put in jail! I'll show that Nubie. I'll hide. I won't be locked up. . . I won't be taken away from Big Boy. I'll roam and eat from the fields. We're in farmland right now, so I'll be fine.

"It's been several days now. I'm living alright, but I'm lonely."

Several Rajura fans raced to the screen to make sure that wasn't the case for much longer. Unfortunately, this was a movie theater and they couldn't enter the black screen.

"I need Big Boy. There's no way about it. I must see him." Rajura chuckled. "I still have the key to his cage, after all. . ."

The black screen finally opened to the cage seen before. Rajura was already inside and looking over the large silverback within.

"Big Boy! You're not well! They've been treating you as bad as they treated me?" Rajura leaned forward, stroking the large gorilla's fur. "Why, you're hair is matted in blood! Oh Big Boy!"

"Who's in there with Big Boy?" Oh well. There goes the Cockney accent.

"Nubie," Rajura growled.

A rather tipsy redheaded Anubis laughed. "Well, if it isn't the Gorilla Man. Came to join your friend?" Anubis pulled out a long whip. The smile he gave wasn't exactly drunken like it's supposed to be. "Well, I can treat you the same way I treat that big gorilla, you hairy ape."

CRACK!

"Take that!"

CRACK!

Rajura grabbed the whip as it encircled his arm and pulled Anubis to him with unusual strength. The Gorilla Man wrapped the redhead in his deadly embrace. Both of them yelled several things in the struggle, but it was incredibly hard to make out. Anubis appeared to be begging for his life, upsetting Anubis fans, and Rajura was describing how he was becoming more like a gorilla.

"You're crazy!" Anubis yelled before limping out of the cage, somehow escaping by some great mystery that has yet to be explained.

Rajura, however, was muttering "Kill, kill, kill." His grammar was starting to deteriorate.

The organ blasted everyone again.

* * *

The camera cut to a dark, deserted street. The lampposts gave poor light, and the only sound that could be heard was that of an engine. The noise grew louder until there was a screech of tires, and suddenly a yellow cab screeched onto the dark road. It swerved over both sides of the street, only narrowly missing parked cars, fire hydrants, and the aforementioned lampposts.

Inside the car, the green haired driver was enjoying himself immensely.

"Maybe playing this Shrevvie character won't be so bad," uh, Sekky, said happily.

"Says you," filtered to voices from the back. The camera swung around to reveal Cale and Kayura, clutching each other in cold fear, as Sekky swerved around another corner, driving momentarily on only two wheels.

"Anyways," Sekky said, dropping immediately into character. "You's be lookin' very good Miss Kayura. Very good you be lookin' I think." He looked into the rearview and gave a goodhearted smile.

"Eyes forward, idiot!" Cale shouted as he saw they were headed for a building. Sekky turned the wheel, overcompensating and headed to the building on the other side of the street. Cale closed his eyes, waiting for impact. When none came, he risked looking up to see that they had somehow averted disaster and were still on the road.

"Whose line is it?" Kayura asked, trying to look like she wasn't petrified. It wasn't working.

"I lost track," Cale muttered. Trying desperately to get his mind off Sekky behind the wheel, he brought up something else. "What am I supposed to do for this Shadow?"

"What do you mean?" Kayura asked, trying to welcome the distraction as they entered another hairpin turn.

"I found some time to listen to some of the tapes. There must be like a million different actors. There's Orson Welles, Billy Johnson, Victor Jory, Bret Morrison, and I don't even know who else. The guy who played the Shadow in this episode was. . . weird. One of my lines is 'Come down you insane fool!' How do I say that and sound serious?"

Kayura shrugged, her eyes never leaving Sekky. "How would I know? You practically switch personalities when you do the Shadow. You barely act in one minute and give everyone shivers the next. What's up with that?"

Cale grinned wolfishly. "Difference in character potential. I much prefer the Shadow over that near-perfect wuss Lamont Cranston."

Kayura gave a half laugh. "Lucky."

Before more could be said, Sekky slammed on the brakes, causing Cale and Kayura to fly forward. Seatbelts hadn't been invented yet. Prying themselves off the windshield, they turned to the snake eyed driver. "What the hell was that for?" they demanded.

"I heard a cry and I stopped, I did," Sekky said. "There was sumthin' in the lights, so I figured I'd stop before I hit it, I thought."

Both Kayura and Cale blinked. Kayura shot a glance at the camera and saw that it was running. Time to act. "Why," Kayura said, her voice again girly. "What on earth was that thing?"

Cale, also spying the camera, only glanced at his booklet and turned to the blue haired Kayura. "Margo. Damn, I mean, Kayura, you'd better stay here. Sekky and I will see what's going on outside."

Ducking the left hook, Cale exited the taxi and joined the already outside Sekky. "Did you see what it was?"

"Not really, Mr. Sasaki, I didn't." The cab driver jutted his head toward the ground, trying to get Cale's attention. Cale looked on dumbly for a moment before remembering what he was supposed to do. Nodding appreciation to Sekky, he knelt down.

"What's this?" he asked, his acting a little better than before. It's amazing what happens when people bother to at least look at their lines. He reached out and turned over a redheaded body. Something was clutched in its hands. Cale was oblivious to the various cries that came from the audience as well as the threats to the twins. How dare they kill 'Nubie! Cale unable to get the corpses hand loose, finally punched the corpses' face before it finally let go, and held the item out to the head lights that were still on. Rigamortous doesn't set in that quickly.

"What is it, Cale?" Kayura asked from the cab. The camera couldn't see her head because she was below the driver's seat, trying to disconnect the wires so Sekky wouldn't be able to start the car again.

"It's a body, it is," Sekky replied. "I did see a lot of hair, I did. It was all long and stuff, it was."

"I doubt it was an animal," Cale said, standing up. Oh! I think his brow is furrowed in concentration! Good work!

"Why not, Cale?" Kayura asked. She gave up on the wires and instead was trying to figure out how to ruin the engine without the camera seeing it.

"Because," he replied, holding up the hair in his gloved hands. "It's human hair."

Sekky blinked, looking completely lost. "How do you know that, Mr. Sasaki?"

Cale shrugged. "It's in the script. I have no idea."

"Oh."

The organ roared at its deafening tones, and the scene switched again.

The scene faded to a distance shot of Cale and Sekky. The camera watched as the two picked up Anubis's body and dragged it into the zoo.

"I actually killed a man." That was Rajura. It's rather odd. He acts much better when you don't have to look at his face over emphasizing everything. In fact he's quite good with this type of work. Anyway, back to the show.

"I killed a man, something that shouldn't be done. But I'm glad I did. He was nothing but a pain in the ass that was younger than the rest of us but bossed around. I'm glad he's dead."

Damn. Go Rajura.

The camera pointed through the window of the zoo manager's hut. Through the window, the camera could see Cale and Sekky put 'Nubie's corpse on the managers table. Oh wait, that's the manager? Ryo fans screamed. Ryo actually had a part other than the narrator/commercial guy! Joy!

"What a shame," Ryo stated, pulling out a sheet and covering the body. "An animal killed him, I suppose."

"What makes you say that?" Cale asked after glancing to his palm.

"'Nubie was a notoriously nasty drunk. He liked to go into the animals' cages and beat them when he got drunk enough."

"I suppose," Cale said slowly, "that he had a lot of friends here at the zoo?"

Ryo chuckled. "'Nubie? Have friends? No. He just had a wife. Even she didn't like him all that much." The young zoo manager ran a hand through his hair. "Mia's Byakuen's trainer." Ryo scowled. "I usually get along better with the tiger though."

"Shall I break the news to her?" Cale asked.

"You probably should."

The scene faded to black and Rajura's voice filled the speakers.

"He knows. He knows I'm the one who killed 'Nubie. I can't let him find me. I have to stop him and the green-haired snake. Even if I have to kill again."

Shivers went down the audiences spines before the organ blared again.

* * *

"Remind me again why we're doing this?" Kayura said.

"The twins threatened to write us into another drama," Cale replied calmly.

"But the plot is so. . . weird. . ." Kayura insisted.

"I completely agree. But when do we ever have a say in the plot?" The pair walked up to a door and Kayura knocked before Cale could.

"I can do things myself, you know."

"Yes, you can. But Margo Lane can't."

Kayura huffed. "Well, she can now. So there."

The door opened to reveal Nubie's wife, Mia.

Cale and Kayura gawked.

Someone in the audience shouted, "Fan service!"

What was Mia wearing? Clothes, first of all. But said clothes were hardly appropriate for a zoo keeper. See, the original character took care of a panther, and looked the part with luminous green eyes and jet black hair. That's what Lamont and Margo tell us. Since Mia has red hair and White Blaze is a white tiger, the twins decided to compensate by putting Mia in a kitten outfit, including the ears and tail. The men in the audience started drooling.

". . . Yes?" Mia asked. She shot a look to the camera that stated "If you dare even think it, you will need an operation. I will see to it personally."

"Uhm, uh, er," was about all Cale could sputter.

Kayura, being a girl and therefore immune, well, unless it's yuri, but I don't even want to go there, picked up on Cale's lack of dialogue.

"You are the wife of a 'Nubie?" she asked.

"Yes," Mia said flatly, glaring daggers at the still gawking Cale.

"He's dead."

"Good."

Kayura blinked.

"He was twice as bad as that drooling clod over there," Mia explained. She turned away from the door, offering Kayura to enter. She forgot that her back was equally attractive as the front. Cale was coming very close to turning into a cartoon wolf.

"An animal?" Mia asked, pouring two cups of tea and making a point of ignoring the male.

"What makes you think it's an animal?" Kayura asked, trying hard to keep in character.

"He beat animals," Mia said. Her words were hurried, as if she wanted the scene to be over. "He tried to beat White Blaze, over there, but I set some very definite ground rules.

"You keep a tiger in your home?" Kayura asked, spying the caged tiger nervously. Cale was still heaving.

"He's better company that 'Nubie," Mia replied. "I suppose I have to identify the corpse?"

"Yeah. It's in the manager's office."

"Okay, be back in two shakes." Mia, still glaring at both Cale and the camera, left, much to the distain of said Cale and every man in the audience.

Kayura took the opportunity to splash her cup of tea on the scarred man.

"Ouch! That was hot!" Good, he was back to normal.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Kayura demanded. "On second thought, never mind! You left me to do that entire scene by myself?"

Cale blinked. "What was I supposed to do? How's a single guy supposed to react when a body like that is stuck in front of him?"

"Insensitive, inconsiderate, thoughtless boar," Kayura muttered.

"Wolf, not boar!" Cale replied.

Any further argument was deterred, however, at the sound of breaking glass. Both looked up, completely forgetting that they were in the middle of a scene, and subsequently that this was supposed to happen. Oh, well, that means we get honest reactions. Isn't that conveeeeeeeeeniant?

The room, poorly lit, shadowed the figure of a man as it climbed into the open window. The shadows supernaturally followed the man as he went over to White Blaze's cage and broke open the lock, and backtracked with the figure as it went back out the window. Kudos to the light people for pulling it off realistically.

"Thank you," Sage replied.

White Blaze, who wasn't happy about being put in a cage, sulked his way to Cale and Kayura, his brown eyes furious.

"I suddenly hate cats," Kayura muttered.

"No kidding," Cale said from behind her.

Wait a minute, behind her?

"You coward!" Kayura shouted. "You're a wolf, he's a cat! Go fight him!"

"Me!" Cale shouted in reply. "You bite my head of one minute and expect me to save your butt the next?"

"MY butt? Your mind really is in the gutter! I'm the defenseless maiden, remember? Do something?"

"What about making Margo Lane strong and independent? Funny how it's suddenly disappeared, huh?"

"You shut up!"

"You fight it!" Cale roared.

"No, you!"

"No, you!"

White Blaze watched as the two exchanged their shouting match back and forth. It was sort of like being at Wimbledon. Finally, bored, he returned to his cage and curled up for a catnap.

"What the hell is this? A lover's spat?" Mia had returned in the interim. The boys in the audience cheered, but Cale and Kayura were too busy screaming at each other. Were it not for the fact that Mia had a microphone on her choker, her voice would most likely be drowned out. Under her breath she went on with her lines. "'Nubie was hated by all the animals and almost all the trainers. Especially Big Boy's trainer. Before he disappeared a few weeks ago, he swore that 'Nubie would get his comeuppance." Then, Mia added in a louder voice, "Now get out of here!"

The scene cut to black before anything violent happened, and the organ ran through the audience in hopes of making them forget that horribly done scene.

* * *

"Well," came on the voice of Ryo. "That was a painless part, er, I mean, what an exciting episode."

"You got that right!" said a random guy in the audience. Several women thankfully smacked him. Hard.

"Today's episode of the Shadow is brought to you by, er, your friendly neighborhood Blue Coal's Dealer?" Ryo shrugged, but no one saw this. "Ladies? Don't you hate those long winters with those inaccurate temperature modulators or all that expensive coal? Well, the people at Blue Coal ask you to invest in one of their temperature regulators. You put it in the basement and set it to the temperature you want, and your house will remain that temperature, no matter what. Clean your filters regularly, and you too, can have a nice, warm home this winter. Blue Coal, housed in Pennsylvania and recognizable for its blue color, can be found at any of our suppliers."

Everyone blinked.

"What the hell was that?" Sekky asked.

"I think that was one of the original commercials for the Shadow," Ryo replied, his voice muffled.

"Does that company even exist anymore?"

"Probably not."

". . . Then why the hell did they advertise it?"

Ryo answered, "Because you guys were so upset with their advertising fanfiction that isn't even complete yet and patting themselves on the back."

"But 'Blue Coal'?"

"Don't look at me!" Ryo's voice returned to normal. "And now, back to, the Shadow."

* * *

The scene opened with a distance shot of Cale and Kayura, still arguing and loudly, walking back to the cab.

"How could you just stare like that? Have you no consideration!"

"I'm a man! I can't help it! You never see her in something like that in the series or the OAVs. You notice when someone looks nice!"

"Please! You were drooling! What were you thinking? I thought you liked Unacera!"

If only the camera wasn't a distance shot. Blushing would be seen.

"Leave Una-chan out of this!"

"Oh, Una-chan is it?"

"What right do you have to talk to me? You're the one with the crush on one of those 'bishounen'! We never did find out who it was, so don't lecture me!"

Blushing really should be seen.

"You snake!"

"You called?" That was Sekky. Okay. That does it. The idiot in the sound booth has just secured his unemployment papers. We're supposed to be listening to Rajura.

"It's about time you noticed," Rajura muttered. Clearing his throat, Rajura read his lines as the audience continued to watch Cale and Kayura argue in front of Sekky.

"My plan failed. They were still alive. Me and Big Boy needed to run. Me kept pace with Big Boy. Change coming faster. I'm glad! I welcome change! Humans never did good to me. I much happier to be civilized animal." Since his mind was degenerating, so was his grammar.

Unaware his microphone was still on, Rajura muttered, "I need to converse with the twins on adjusting my diction to behave in a more proper fashion, despite my disturbed character in this episode."

Whoa. What a difference.

* * *

After the organ blared its dramatic chords, the scene opened to Sekky's driving. Cale and Kayura were not speaking to each other. Kayura was keeping a weary eye on both men, and Cale was turning a map every which way to try and figure out where they were going.

Finally, he tossed it out the window. "Screw it." Glancing at his little booklet, he said, "There's an abandoned farmhouse up this rooooooooaaad!" Cale slammed into the side of the car as Sekky screeched onto a different lane, a manic grin on his face.

". . . Or this road," Cale murmured weakly. "I think we should investigate."

"Why should we?" Kayura asked, her voice acidic instead of confused.

"Well," the scarred Cale replied, his face suddenly angry, "Because the hair the corpse was holding was white hair. Mia--" he paused as Kayura shot him an all but lethal glare. "--had red hair. That exonerates her. The hair was human, which exclude the tiger White Blaze. So the farmhouse is the best bet of finding the murderer."

"Why?" Kayura asked coldly.

"Damnit, because the script says so, alright?"

"You can kill each other laters, you can," Sekky said as he slammed his lead weighted foot onto the brakes. The two were prepared however, and satisfied themselves with only flying into the front seats and not the windshield. "'Cause we's here, we is."

Said farm house was clearly abandoned. Why? It was a mess. Sections of the roof were missing; the glass of the windows had long since been either broken or stolen; the deck wood was rotting; it was just dilapidated. The three actors entered the house wearily, noting from the script that there would be prate falls. Fighting forgotten, they kept their backs to each other, forming a tight circle as they carefully tread the floors.

Sekky's mike picked up his whispers. "Kujuurou, you're supposed to split us up."

The blue haired man nodded, his fedora low over his eyes. "I know. I'm trying to figure out where."

On cue, there came a thumping noise upstairs.

Cale, thankfully, took the cue. "Sekky, why don't you investigate?"

"Okay Mr. Sasaki, okay," the green haired cabby replied. "You got my back, now, don'cha? You got my back."

Cale nodded.

Taking a breath, Sekky climbed up the stairs. He had managed three steps before there was a cracking sound, followed by "I'll kill those twiiiiiiiiiiiiiiins!"

Ah, well. Even the best can slip up once in a while.

Kayura, reacting faster than Cale, ran to the steps. "Naotoki, I mean, Sekky! What happened? Are you alright?"

Looking up the stairs, however she saw a gorilla instead of the cabby. Granted it was some man in a suit, but it was a gorilla, nonetheless. Unrealistic growling sounds emitted from the man in costume and he attempted to look fearsome. With an impressive leap, the man in a gorilla costume landed at the foot of the stairs with only a few creaks on the ancient floorboards. It grabbed the nearest body, Cale, in a bear-hug and started to squeeze.

"What the--?" Cale gasped, not expecting the move. Heaven forbid the twins tell them everything.

Kayura reached out and grabbed the man's head, pulling off the mask.

"Ryo?"

Face red in embarrassment, he nodded and motioned that Kayura put the mask back on, since the camera was still running. Kayura, realizing the poor man's plight, quickly complied. Sekky ran in from somewhere, his clothes ruffled and dirty, and pulled out a six shooter and fired. Ryo, er, the gorilla, stumbled back and fell through the previously secure floorboards, taking Cale with him.

Kayura blinked, completely shocked. "They're willing to do that to one of their favorite characters. . .?"

Sekky blanched at that realization, but said nothing as they waited for their next cue.

"You. You!" The three looked up to the stairs to see Rajura. His zookeeper clothes were filthy, and his hair was unkempt, and his face refused to look mad with rage. "You killed my. . . you killed my. . ." unable to say the word 'brother', he instead said, "You killed my friend!" He was starting to overact again. "Kill back. Kill! Kill! Ki--huh?"

The Gorilla Man was trying to move, but was inexplicably being held.

"The Shadow holds you, Gorilla Man," came a soft, silky whisper. "Like your conscience, you cannot get rid of me."

"Me gorilla!" Rajura shouted. "You no hurt me! I kill!" He swung wildly, but hit nothing. He swung again, seeming to make contact with something, as a faint groan filtered into the air.

"Free! Me free!" Rajura cried. "You no follow gorilla. Me free!" Dais bounded down the second floor hall, giving a convincing disturbed laughter.

"The Shadow follows you, Gorilla Man!"

"No follow on roof," Rajura replied. Expertly, he reached out a window and grabbed a gutter, hoisting himself up onto the slanted, shingled roof.

"The Shadow follows you everywhere," the Shadow's voice replied. A low, sinister laugh followed. "As the Shadow has said, no one can escape his voice."

Rajura looked honestly scared. How the hell were the twins emitting Cale's voice when he knew for a fact there were no speakers? Looking around, he saw a vine stretching up the brick chimney.

Rajura laughed maniacally as he played his part to the utmost. "Shadow no follow! Me free! Free!" He started to climb down.

"Come back! Come back you insane fool!" Yes! He did it and made it sound serious! Go Cale, um Shadow! "Those vines can't hold your weight!"

"Free! Free! Freeeeeeeeeeeeeee. . ." True to the Shadow's word, the vines didn't support Rajura's weight, and the insane man fell to his death. The organ resounded to emphasize the point.

* * *

The scene reopened with Sekky happily driving along. In the back, Cale and Kayura were once more clutching something in fear for their lives.

"Say, Mr. Sasaki? Where was you I was wondering where you was?" Sekky was actually rather convincing at playing an idiot.

"Where was I?" Cale shouted. "Where was-were you when that gorilla was manhandling me?"

"I was in the cellar I was. There were lots of nice snakes down there, lots of nice snakes."

Somehow, to Cale and Kayura, that seemed oddly appropriate.

"For a gorilla man, he looked rather human to meeeeeeee," Kayura screeched as the cab went temporarily on two wheels.

"Years of taunting do have a price," Cale muttered darkly, swearing revenge on those damn twins!

* * *

The screen faded to black, as the organ boomed over the audience. An eerie voice, low and sexy, laughed menacingly. "The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay. The Shadow knows, hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Ryo's voice came next. "Wow! What a painful, I meann exciting episode of the Shadow. Please tune in next week, same time, same station for, the Shadow!"

* * *

  



	3. The White Legion

**The Shadow**   
_The White Legion_

* * *

**Preshow:**

"Do you think they'll like this one?" Image asked on stage.

"Don't know if they'll like it," Mirror replied. "I just hope they appreciate it." She traced the wood patterns on the table while Image doodled hopelessly on her script. Some things never changed.

As expected, the doors flung open. The first to arrive was not a warlord, but a blond haired and lavender eyed bishounen.

Image clasped her hands in front of her, as sugar started to fall lightly onto the stage.

"What happens to me?" Date asks icily. Unlike Ryo before him, he decided to go for the direct approach.

"Nothing. . ." Image replied wistfully. Mirror meanwhile pulled out a shovel to keep herself from being buried by the falling sugar.

"Image," Date asked directly. "You cut off my second scene without me knowing what happens to me, and then I'm mentioned in past tense for the rest of the episode. What happens to me? Do I die?"

"No!" Image cried out, her eyes becoming starry. "Don't ever die on me! That's my job!"

The blond blinked. Mirror was buried up to her waist despite her best efforts. "It's your job to die?" he asked.

"No!" Image cried again. "Never! Not you either!"

"So you don't kill me?"

"Never," Image answered wistfully. Mirror was covered up to her head; the only recourse was to eat her way out of the sugar.

There was a long moment of silence, before Date walked away, muttering to himself.

Image, like Mirror in the previous Pre Show, immediately snapped out of her reverie and looked to her older sister. "Where'd the sugar come from?" she asked curiously.

"Just. Get. Me. Out."

"Okay."

While this was being accomplished, the four MaSho walked onstage.

"What the hell is this?" the all demanded. "What kind of script is this?"

Kujuurou started. "The Shadow, the fighter for good against the forces of evil, _doesn't want to get involved_? What the hell is all that about? Politics my--"

"Ladies present."

"--butt! All the Shadow ever does is butt his big nose into everyone else's business. I've been listening to those tapes you lent us, so don't deny it."

"Okay, then we won't," Image replied sweetly.

"I'm supposed to play another Paine, aren't I? That guy with the jewel in his arm who did nothing but moan and groan. All I'm expected to do is look nervous and scared, aren't I?"

Image smiled. "You get a lot more dialog in this episode, though; and not idiotic ramblings like you were complaining about. It's real dialog."

"Dialog nothing!"

"Next!" Image shouted, bypassing the snake eyed Naotoki.

"I'm the bad guy AGAIN! That's three episodes in a row!" Jiro shouted. "Are you typecasting me or what? How am I supposed to artistically express myself if all I ever play are villains that die! What is up with that?"

Both twins just grinned blithely.

"And what is up with this episode?" Kayura demanded. She wasn't about to complain about her lack of a presence in the episode. That would be suicide. Instead she said, "You've got politics and newspapers and cults and everything in this show! Where the hell is all this coming from?"

The twins looked at each other. Image said, "You explain it better."

Mirror rolled her eyes but took a deep breath.

"Alright. Let's start with politics. As you know, the show is set in the 30s and 40s. Well, back in the teens and 20s, the politics of the cities were controlled by something called political machines. What political machines basically were, were mob-run political parties. What the machines would do varied from things like write the names of dead people onto a ballet and place it in the voting booth. Since voting wasn't private back then, you could have some big brawny brute standing behind you as you voted and then consider talking with you if he didn't agree with the vote. The level of corruption back then far exceeds what it is today."

The MaSho stared at Mirror, who was wearing a professor's clothes.

"As far as newspapers are concerned, the reason why downplaying something is considered unusual back then is because this is the day of Hearst, one of the most famous journalists in his time, let alone since. He controlled his paper unlike anyone ever has. He decided which stories to run, no matter what anyone else told him, and he didn't care if what he was writing was fact of fiction, as long as it sold papers. It was called sensationalism. In fact, that's how we ended up in the Spanish-American war in the late 1800s. But we're not dealing with that right now. The point was that newspapers would greatly exaggerate any piece of news they received."

Image was now staring at Mirror, who had a pointer and a blackboard.

"And as for the whole cult thing, again, back in the 20s, things were different. In the 20s, the Ku Klux Klan was at its height of power. The allusions to the KKK come from the fact that there is white listed frequently in description, aside form the title of the show being the 'White Legion'. There is also a reference to a mask. If I were to hypothesize without a great deal of facts, I would guess that the main purpose of the of the 'White Legion' was referenced to the political machines and the public's general dislike of them, but there might also be an underlying current to a growing dislike of the KKK as well."

The entire cast and crew were gawking at Mirror.

"What?"

Image smiled, and then looked back to the cast. "So now you know." Her face then hardened. "So get moving!"

Everyone ran from the twins.

* * *

**The White Legion**

* * *

The audience had been given a pamphlet before the show that reiterated everything professor Mirror had said, so they waited in anticipation for what promised to be a good episode. Then again, they've been hoping for a good episode for the entire fic and have had yet to find much more than a bunch of costumed bishi. Not that they were complaining, mind you.

The organ produced its deafening chords, signaling the start of the show, and everyone waited for the now almost familiar chilling and sexy laugh of the Shadow.

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!" Audience members still trembled at that laugh. It was so different than when he was Lamont Cranston.

Ryo's voice followed. "The Shadow, mysterious character who aids the forces of law, and order, is in reality Cale Sasaki, wealthy young man about town. Sasaki's constant friend and companion, the lovely Lady Kayura, is the only person who knows to whom the mysterious voice of the Shadow belongs. Today's adventure: 'The White Legion'."

Ryo gave up on the idea of a commercial, and after only a moment's pause, the film cut to the opening scene.

A certain blond was standing in an office. His coat was off and his sleeves were rolled up, causing several Seiji fans to sigh dreamily, Image included. Seiji pulled at his tie, loosening it and undoing a few buttons. Apparently the room wasn't well circulated. The fans were hardly complaining as he rolled up his sleeves again and continued to look through folders of papers and files.

"You Seiji Date?" a low voice asked.

"No, I'm Seiji Dah-teh. Dah-teh. That's how you pronounce it." Seiji looked up to see Cye, dressed in a milkman's uniform, trying to look intimidating. He was failing; and what does a milkman have to do with this episode? Absolutely nothing. We just felt like throwing one in.

"Got some friends that wanna see you," Cye said, trying to suppress his British accent and instead sound like a ruffian. Again, he couldn't quite pull it off.

"Who?" Seiji asked, somehow taking everything in stride. He did look at the camera suspiciously, though. The twins never said anything about a milkman.

"White Legion," Cye said. He pulled out a six shooter. "Wanna come along quietly?"

"Not particularly," Seiji said, falling easily into a fighting stance.

"Have it your way," Cye said. He nodded his head and Shuu, who had miraculously snuck up behind the blond, knocked him on the head with the butt of his own gun.

Seiji fell to the ground, not quite limp, but doing what he was told.

The Seiji fans were giving Image dirty looks and threatening whispers, but she was too enwrapped in her own work. Artists are like that, I guess. But anyway, the organ rumbled through everyone and the scene cut to what looked like a primitive courtroom of some sort.

The room was filled with tin cans in white robes and hoods, looking atrocious as always. They lined opposite walls, and the far wall held a pedestal and a chair and desk. There was a human sitting there, also robbed and hooded. Who that is, is saved for later.

Seiji, Cye and Shuu on either arm, was lead into this gauntlet, and then thrown to the floor.

"What. Is. This?" Seiji demanded in a strained voice.

Cye, holding a whip, tried to whip Seiji. It tangled on a tin cans legs and tripped it, causing a domino affect throughout the entire room.

The man, we'll call him a judge, was unaffected and flipping through what looked like a script. "Where the hell did they say anything about a whip? Oh, here it is. They used a whip in the original ep? Weird writers. . ." Done with his question. He looked up. "Seiji Date, you are charged with treason against the goals of the White Legion. Do you deny it?"

"I don't even know what's going on!" Seiji cried out, liking less and less what was about to happen.

"So you admit it!" the judge said. "Put him over the trap door."

Seiji's pale face paled even further. "Trap door? Image! What the hell is happening? Trap door?"

Shuu and Cye grabbed Seiji and held him over a small rug that looked as though it was just thrown onto the floor. The judge pulled a rope that was hanging near him. The rug fell open, leaving Seiji standing over open air. That didn't last long, however, as he fell.

"IMAGE I'M GONNA KILL YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!"

Seiji's voice faded away and there was a faint splashing noise, quickly followed by the organ.

* * *

Cale and Kayura walked down a mall, entering a clothing store. Cale sweatdropped as he looked at all the items of cloths. The scarred "young man about town" had a small piece of paper that simply said "shirts". Kayura, however, had a list that rolled out down onto the floor, down the aisle, across the store, and into the back room.

"What is on that list?" he asked through clenched teeth. The plot of the episode was so not something he wanted to participate in. Especially in the finale. There was only one consoling piece of news, but that didn't come until later in the episode.

"Well," Kayura explained, looking at Cale and then the list, "I thought I'd take advantage of the fact that I'd be shopping, since most of my clothes come from the Dynasty or the costume department. If we're going to end up in the fanfiction world, I need to bolster my wardrobe."

Cale fell to the floor.

"You what?"

"Just say your next line."

Cale righted himself, and straightened out his fedora. "I was just talking to Commissioner Doji this morning. It seems that Date's corpse was found at sea this morning."

Somewhere off stage, a resounding "WHAT!" Cale smiled. He'd been waiting for that. Seiji's dismay warmed a small corner of his heart. It was supremely satisfying.

"It appears that Date was killed by the White Legion. They were even bold enough to kidnap him in broad daylight." The audience groaned at the pun.

"What about Sehkmet?" Kayura asked. "The District Attorney? Isn't he on some big case involving the White Legion?"

"Yes," Cale replied, glancing to his palm held book, "He's trying Red Talpa for something."

Kayura raided her girly tones. "I'm surprised I haven't read about it in the papers."

"It has to do with that politics thing that Mirror was talking bout before hand. Don't ask me. Ask her."

"Can't you do anything?" Kayura pleaded, her voice dripping in sugar.

"No. Too many politics. I'd have to go after city hall and work my way down."

The organ played for several minutes, giving people a chance to refer to their pamphlets.

Elsewhere in the store, actually rather close to Cale and Kayura, Sehkmet was with his. . . wife, Nasutei. Nasutei was looking through some rather expensive looking luggage.

"You're certain we can leave after the Red Talpa trial?" she asked sweetly. "I would really like to visit my grandfather's grave."

Sehkmet's head was lowered, "I promise," he replied in a subdued voice. "After that case, I'll take a vacation. I am very sorry about your grandfather." Funny. Even though Naotoki has above quality acting, that sounded far more real than anything he'd ever done before in this fic.

Nasutei's eyes softened, and she put a hand on her. . . husband's shoulder. "I understand," she said softly. "I'm grateful that you're willing to do this." Hmmm, someone's been making plans while we weren't looking. I do hope that they know what's going to come in the script.

"After this White Legion stuff, I'll take you back to Japan."

"I'm afraid you'll have to cancel that trip," said a gruff, buzz saw voice behind the, er, couple. Both turned to see a tin can trying to look like a normal human, with a gun pointed at them. "Get moving. The White Legion needs to see you."

Nasutei, not expecting to see this, screamed. Sehkmet, knowing that he was about to be kidnapped, fought back. Unfortunately, the tin can had been to a recycling center and had back up. Someone cried out "citizen's arrest", but the fight continued. Finally, a gun came down rather hard on Sehkmet's head. The tin cans dragged Sehkmet's limp body out of the mall, with Nasutei screaming and crying.

Amazing. Not only could Sehkmet act, but also Nasutei, when she wasn't pissed. Cool.

Anyway, Cale and Kayura come running over to see what all the commotion was about, almost tripping over Kayura's absurdly long list. Kayura went over to Nasutei, calming down the hysterical young woman. Cale, meanwhile, moved to pick up some papers that had fallen from a briefcase that Sehkmet had been carrying, in hopes of returning it to Nasutei, who was hugging Kayura rather tightly.

"He promised he'd take me to my grandfather's grave!" she cried out. "That snake can't keep his promises!"

"Um," Kayura hesitated. "In case you didn't notice, he was taken rather forcibly. Who was he any way?"

"Sehkmet," she sobbed, forcibly wiping tears from her eyes, angry at them. "He said he'd take me to my grandfather. That snake! He knew what the script held!"

"Nasutei," Kayura soothed, "look around. He tried rather hard to not leave, didn't he?" Sure enough, the shop looked rather destroyed.

Cale ignored the silly melodrama happening around the women of the cast and started putting papers back into the briefcase. One folder in particular was rather importantly looking, though Cale wasn't really sure how, considering it had "IMPORTANT" in huge red letter on it, so he slipped the folder into his topcoat.

"Here, let me help you," came Dais's voice. Cale looked up, raising an eyebrow. Ahhh, that was acting.

"Good day," Cale replied, trying to sound suspicious. Oh well, there went the acting.

"I'm Dais Kurada, from the Daily Globe," Dais said easily. "Tell you what; some of these papers might be important with upcoming trials. Why don't I deliver them? It seems that Sehkmet's wife is have a hard time with this."

Cale ignored the sobbing that was going on behind him. He briefly touched the folder he and slid into his coat and smiled. "That's probably a good idea," he said. "From what I heard, this appears to be another incident with the White Legion."

"Really?" Dais scowled, or rather tried to. "I've been cooperating with the police and keeping this quiet, but if something isn't done soon, I'm going to have to do something. But to know that their city leaders can do some of the things the White Legion does, I wouldn't want to start a riot."

Cale narrowed his eyes. Evidently doing facial expressions was easier than acting in his lines.

"Say, that folder poking out of your coat, is that from his briefcase?" Dais asked casually.

Cale looked at the suspicious folder that he had hid away to see it brazenly poking out of his topcoat. Of all the nerve.

"Oh this?" he asked, sliding out some of the folder. "This is part of my friend Kayura's shopping list. Silly women's clothes, like shoes, dresses, skirts, absurd things like that."

Kayura's staff landed rather hard on Cale's head.

"Ah, I see," Dais replied to the flattened form of Cale. "Well, I'll be on my way to deliver these papers to the proper authorities." Dais left, a small smirk on his face. Evidently, he was quite pleased with his acting ability. Again.

The store manager, Rowan, came over, taking Nasutei off of Kayura's hands. "It's okay, Nasutei. You can strangle that snake after the episode."

Nasutei sniffed and let Rowan lead her out of camera range. Kayura, meanwhile, walked over to Cale. "I almost feel bad for him."

"Him? Don't you mean her?"

"No, I mean him."

Cale thought for a moment, then took her meaning. "Oh."

"Now then," Kayura started; a hint of steel in her rather girly voice, "will you be doing anything about the White Legion?"

"But!"

"Certainly, the Shadow can investigate without having to worry about politics, right?"

"But!"

"I'm so glad you agree with me on this."

Cale sighed, the organ starting to blast the audience again.

* * *

After the audience took out their earplugs (they had long since learned to wear them when they thought the organ would start), the scene opened to another office. This one, ridiculously more spacious than the tiny office of Seiji Date--

"Hey!"

--had mahogany furniture and a huge desk, at which sat Dais Kurada. He had forgotten a line earlier. When he introduced himself, he was supposed to mention that he was the head of the Bugle newspaper. Not the Daily Bugle, just the Bugle. So he was sitting, looking pompous, at his desk. A beeping noise came into the speakers, and the new guy in the sound booth smartly turned it up so that the audience could hear it.

"S. U. N. M. A. R. 2. 0. 1. 1," Dais muttered to himself as he wrote down the Morse code. Pulling out the piece of paper, he muttered something about his next editorial.

Then there came a chilling laugh.

The audience cheered at the Shadow showing up so early in an episode.

"Dais Kurada," the silky voice said slowly.

Dais looked around. He had yet to figure out how they hell the twins were projecting Kujuurou's voice into the office. He had looked over the room completely and found not devices, no speakers, no anything. That damn voice chilled him.

However, he forced himself to follow his lines.

"Who's there?"

"I am merely a voice," the silk said. "The voice known simply as. . . the Shadow."

"Shadow, huh? I've heard of you. What do you want?"

There came that chilling laugh again. "I merely wanted to inform you that you have a new topic for your editorial. You see, the White Legion will be brought down. And soon. Try running that in your. . . editorial."

And then the Shadow was gone.

* * *

The organ drummed through the audience, and the voice of Ryo came over the sound system.

"Well, this is turning out to be an. . . odd episode. What will the Shadow do now? But first, I'd like to tell you all about Petri Wine. They have over one hundred vineyards in California, and they absolutely refuse to sell their wine until it has been turned for exactly one hundred years. Yes, it gives a smooth, sweet taste that you can feel slide all the way down the esophagus. A delicious wine that even the great Dr. Watson. . . Dr. Watson. . .? They're switching their radio dramas. . . That's the Sherlock Holmes commercial. Oh, shoot, I'm not supposed to say that. Uhm, and now, back, to the Shadow!"

The organ rang out again before the audience could fully understand what Ryo was talking about, and then the black screen opened.

* * *

It was a rainy, foggy night. Kayura, dressed in an evening gown and looking gorgeous, huddled in her furs as she and Cale, his dark topcoat hiding whatever he was wearing.

"The twins set us up to go on a date, scare the hell out of me by making me wear this dress, and you take me to the docks?" Kayura all but shouted. "What they hell were they thinking?"

"Hey, you were the one talking about bolstering your wardrobe. They told me they were trying to be accommodating."

"By putting me in this and making me go to the docks?" she squealed.

Cale rolled his eyes. "Just pretend it's in the script, damnit, and let's finish this stupid episode."

Kayura muttered something colorful under her breath and then, taking a deep breath, put on her bubbly face. "Lamont, er, Cale, what are we doing here?"

Cale glanced at his booklet, taking a deep breath of his own. "Well, after watching Jiro-kun-"

"My name is Dais this episode!"

"-I realized a few things. First, downplaying the White Legion crap is one thing, but he practically writes it off as urban legend. Second, that SUNMAR2011 thing. Take Superman's decoder ring-"

"You're mixing merchandise!" one of the twins shouted.

"-And you get Sunday, March 20, at eleven. There was also that, er, suspicious reaction when the Shadow told him the White Legion was going down-"

"I never act suspiciously!"

Cale gritted his teeth and kept going. "-So now all that's left was to follow him-"

"With me in a ball gown for no good reason!" Kayura complained.

"CAN'T I FINISH MY DAMN EXPLANATION HERE?" he demanded. Cale fans sighed at the blessed show of emotion. He was so cute when he was mad.

"I AM NO CUTE!"

Okay, then he was adorable.

"SHUT UP!"

Fine be that way.

Anyway, Cale finally finished. "All that's left was to follow him and here we are. Now, let's call Commissioner Doji and get the hell out of here."

Kayura, still in character, smiled brightly. And evilly. "Oh, no! That Shadow still has work to do."

Cale blinked. Acting! "What?"

Kayura all but shoved the scarred Cale onto a rowboat of all things. Apparently they were closer to the shore than Cale initially thought. "See, there goes mean old Dais into that pier, and he has a white hood on!"

"How can you tell that in this fog--?"

"That means the White Legion is having a meeting! There's no time for Commissioner Doji to come here."

"Sure I can come!" Too many voices from off stage are filtering in. Should we threaten the new sound guy?

"But, Kayura," Cale stuttered feebly. "The politics. . ."

"GET GOING!" Kayura took out her Ancient's staff and used it as a golf club, punting Cale out into the harbor.

"I'll get you for this!" Of course, who Cale was talking about is up to anyone's guess. Any curse words he wanted to utter were drowned out as the organ drummed into the sound system.

* * *

Sehkmet scowled in the darkness, knowing that a camera was watching him, though he didn't know where. The White Legion had gotten him. He was going to die. And he wouldn't be able to apologize to Nasutei for what he'd done. This sucked. Just what were the twins doing to him? What did he do to deserve this? Oh wait. The twins usually knew what he was thinking.

Back on track, Sehkmet hissed. He wouldn't be able to persecute Red Talpa like he desperately wanted to. That floating head of a henchman was knee deep in White Legion affairs and he had the proof in his briefcase. But now his papers were scattered to the four winds of shopping, and the wrong hands probably got them. He couldn't be in a worse position. As the icing on the cake, he was going to die. This wasn't fair.

"Sehkmet. . ." came a soft chilling, but oddly reassuring voice.

"Who's there?" Sehkmet hissed quietly. Great. He was going insane again. Being insane once in your life was enough. He didn't need to go through it again, thank you.

"Be patient," the Shadow continued, the soft voice sounding very different than when dealing with criminals. The audience was impressed. The Shadow had a tender side. How sweet!

"You'll be able to take Nasutei to Japan," the Shadow stated, ignoring the audience.

"How?" Sehkmet demanded. To be able to finish what he started. That would be one of the greatest gifts anyone could give him. To be able to atone for the mistakes he'd made.

Sehkmet fans swooned, most notably Swiftgold.

"Relax," whispered the Shadow. "Everything is under control. Just do what they tell you to."

"Don't worry," Sehkmet quietly hissed. "I'm good at acting."

The Shadow felt a wave of sympathy for what Sehkmet was going through and put his hand on the snake's shoulder, giving a squeeze of support. "It will be alright." The Shadow grinned, though no one could see him. His plan just might work.

The door to the dark place where Sehkmet was being held opened. The young DA was rather forcibly ushered into the shabby courtroom where Seiji had met his doom at the beginning of the episode.

"NO I DIDN'T!"

Yup, the new sound guy really needed a warning.

Sehkmet was dragged over to the front where a "judge's" bench was. As usual, the room was filled with tin can soldiers wearing white hoods and looking unbearably hideous. Cye and Shuu were suspiciously absent. I wonder where they went. The same man as before was on the bench with the stupid white hood. Like Seiji before him, Sehkmet was thrown down in front of the bench. Unlike Seiji, Sehkmet was used to this. Evidently his previous employer wasn't very nice to him.

"Let's get this over with," the bored man on the bench stated. "You're charged with going against us. Any defense?"

"Yes," Sehkmet spat, standing righteously. "You crooks have been the worst plague this city has ever known. The cruel things you do honest people like Seiji Date won't go unpunished! Your political machine and it's alliances with disfavored cults will be stopped! I may be killed as DA, but the assistant DA will continue my work. Killing me won't stop the fact that you will _all be brought down_! This scandal will be taken down, if not by me, if not by my assistant, then by the one thing you can't stop. I know what I know," Sehkmet turned to the tin cans in white, "so take the chance to leave that mock throne," he pointed to the bench. Whoa, Sehkmet's getting into this.

Conveniently, the white hood was pulled off by some unknown force to reveal Dais.

"Give me back my mask!" the white haired journalist roared. He jumped down off the bench and grabbed his hood from the floor. Thinking he was on a role, he strode over to the lever that would release the trapdoor that Sehkmet was standing on. "I don't have to listen to any more," he growled. "You have proven that you are against us. You will pay the penalty."

Sehkmet openly laughed. "I have faith in the Shadow. You can't deal with him as you can with me or Seiji."

Somewhere off stage, Seiji was heard sniffing, his eyes watery from the support that Sehkmet was giving him. Even if he was supposed to be dead. This scene is going by way to seriously.

"Enough of your talk," Dais chuckled. "We will deal with the Shadow when the time comes." He pulled the lever and Sehkmet fell.

"I'M A SNAKE! I HATE THE COLD!" was heard as Sehkmet fell. Odd. That wasn't in his script. How unlike him.

The organ let its presence be known.

* * *

Commissioner Doji stormed into his office, his fedora tilted and his topcoat slung over an arm to reveal a smart, if middle class, suit. Several fans sighed dreamily or drooled at the eye candy. Doji's face was murky as he all but slammed the door to his office shut, jerkily throwing his topcoat and hat onto a coat stand and falling into his chair. He reached over to a service speaker and pushed a button. "Na, has there been any word on the snake?"

"No," a female voice, obviously a secretary, replied. "Nothing since his daylight kidnapping yesterday."

"Damn." Slumping back into his chair, Doji started muttering to himself. Hey, this WAS a radio drama.

"Much as I'd like to shake their hands for getting fid of that blond bimbo--"

"Look whose talking!"

"I needed the snake to prosecute Red Talpa." Doji rubbed his neck and undid his tie slightly, eliciting squeals from the audience.

The phone next to him rang, jerking him out of his musings. He grabbed the black phone and picked it up. "Commissioner Doji's office."

"Hmhmhmhmhmhmhm," a sinister laugh replied.

"Shadow, I take it?" Doji asked, trying to sound used to such telephone calls but coming off more annoyed than anything.

"You will be attending Red Talpa's trial, will you not?" The Shadow asked, amusement in his voice.

Doji wondered how the hell the twins got Kujuurou to act so damn good when he was the Shadow. His voice was never that silky in real life. Sighing, he recalled his lines. "I suppose you'll be making an appearance, too?"

The line seems to strike the man at the other end funny, and that sexy laugh permeated the sound system. Even non Cale fans were starting to like the laugh. No! Must… stay… loyal…

"I suppose I will," the Shadow replied. "I would like your help in a little plan I am executing."

Doji paused. "Wait. Does this mean I have to take orders from you?"

The laugh again.

"Like hell I will!" Doji shouted. Several heads that were the extras peeked into the Commissioners office to see why he was yelling. Seeing the phone to the man's mouth, they assumed no more than the usual and went back to their work being extras. Doji noticed none of this and continued bellowing. "I've listened to the episodes! I'm always taking orders from you like a puppet or something. You're just a no talent vigilante, I'm the Commissioner, damnit! I don't have to listen to you."

"Then don't. Let Red Talpa escape. Let District Attorney Sehkmet's death go unavenged. It's your call."

"… I hate those stupid twins."

* * *

The organ music blared again, the sound guy making it extra loud for some reason. Even the earplugs did little to hide the deafening notes, as the screen opened to a city hall like building, with a statue of that lady of justice person that they always show on Law and Order and stuff. Yeah, the twins know what they're talking about. Really, they do.

The camera quickly cut to the inside of a courtroom. Judge Shuu was presiding, and hammering his gavel loudly in an attempt to keep everyone quite. Giving up, he stood to his full height and shouted "QUIET!"

That worked.

The twins had pulled out all the stops. Assistant District Attorney Ryo was filtering frantically through scattered papers. The Defendant's lawyer, Cye, was sitting and actually managing to look smug as he watched Ryo do so. Red Talpa was on the stand, his face unreadable because of the ridiculous pink mask he was wearing.

"It is NOT pink!"

Moving on, the participants held the rest of the cast. Kayura and Doji sat next to each other in the back, and Dais was somewhere in the middle, his face grinning happily instead of smugly. Rowen was there, and so was Seiji, even though he was supposed to be dead.

"I am NOT dead!"

That's what they all say.

"Image!"

ahem Nasutei was also there, along with the twins themselves, making a guest appearance as well as making sure everyone performed their lines perfectly. Evil us. Everywhere else was filled out with bit characters like Sarenbo, Saberstryke, Gashura, and assorted others. What wasn't a recognizable character was spare tin can. Everyone had been talking when Judge Shuu had shouted. Now they were all silent, except for the filtering noises Ryo was making with the papers.

Is that enough imagery for you?

Finally, Assistant DA Ryo stood up.

"Your honor," he said, his voice cracking. There were some giggles, but Ryo cleared his throat, taking on a much lower voice. "Your honor," he said again, much more confidently. "I move that this trial be moved until such time as we can find District Attorney Sehkmet."

"Why?" Shuu asked lazily. He played with his gavel. "Afraid you can't convict him on your own?"

"I-it's not that," Ryo stuttered. "The District Attorney had in his possession some papers that are the key to this case. Now, with him hissing, er, I mean missing, I fear that such papers have fallen into the wrong hands or have been destroyed."

"So?"

"So, I want time to ascertain exactly what as happened to Sehkmet. His… wife Nasutei is distraught beyond measure--" Said woman wailed for emphasis. "--and if we are to proceed we need to find him."

Judge Shuu mulled this over for a moment, not doing a bad job acting. But then his teeth clenched and he glared menacingly at the twins as he said, "Nah. I got golf in a bit. I wanna get this over with." Under his breath, but not missed thanks to the sound guy, he added. "Yeah, I get the twins making me a judge. But why the hell aren't I just?"

Bypassing the kanji jokes, Ryo stepped up to Talpa, a cold look on his face. No acting necessary. "Red Talpa," he said in a low voice. "Who paid you to commit the murder Seiji Date?"

There came a low growl from the audience.

Cye held his hand up. "I object."

Shuu nodded, still glaring at the twins. "Sustained. This ain't a White Legion case, Assistant District Attorney. Try to keep that straight."

"Your Honor, I intend to prove that this lowlife--"

"I resent that remark."

"--is in fact a member of the White Legion, who has terrorized this city for almost a year now. That he was under the White Legion's orders to commit the murder for which he is on trial for, and…" Ryo suddenly paused, his face going white. He looked to Mirror for support, but she was busy making shojo bubbles. "… and other stuff like that," he finished lamely, completely forgetting his lines.

Shuu looked pointedly at Ryo.

Ryo let out a frustrated sigh. "Fine." He stepped back to his table and pulled out a bagged letter.

"You sent this to the victim," he stated.

Talpa would have smiled smugly, but that could be seen through the mask. "Yes."

"Why?"

"He owed me money."

Ryo seethed. This wasn't his day.

At least that's what he would have thought if there hadn't been a sudden, chilling, silky, and sexy laugh that filled the courtroom. The audience cheered. Up until now, they were getting bored with all the overdone drama.

"Hey!" everyone in the courtroom shouted at the audience. Then they went back to their roles.

Dais looked startled in the audience, and Commissioner Doji had already gotten up and was moving to the back. Only now did the audience notice that the bit characters were plain clothed officers, and one was at every entrance. Hm. Kayura flashed a grin at the camera, giving a quick victory sign before turning back to a slightly startled ditz.

"I doubt that Red Talpa sent that letter since he neither reads nor writes."

"I am no illiterate!"

Shuu looked around suspiciously. "Is there someone who wished to address the court?"

"Merely point out some unsworn testimony."

Cye tried to look troubled. It didn't work. "If it's unsworn, then it must first go through proper channels."

Shuu tried to look angry. He only did marginally better. "I'd like to know who is making a mockery of this cou--"

His sentence was cut off as a green haired drowned rat of a DA entered the courtroom.

"Sehkmet? You're alive?" Ryo burst out his famous smile, and shojo bubble briefly swam across the camera.

"Boy am I!" Sehkmet all but shouted as he stoutly marched to the front of the courtroom. "I have written proof that there are White Legion members in this room, the most noticeable is trying to leave this room as we speak. He is the head of the Bugle paper, Dais Kurada!"

In the back, Dais was making his way to the door, smartly trying to get while the getting was good. Comissioner Doji stood there however. "Remember that one scene the twins wrote where I punched you?" he asked coolly. "I'm in a bad mood right now, so I wouldn't mind repeating the performance."

Dais smirked evilly. "We'll see," he replied quietly.

All attention, however, was still in the front of the room at Sehkmet. If he was living it up, he gave no indications of it. "The White Legion's top members have stolen over ten million dollars from our fair city's treasury! I call for a suspension of this case!"

Shuu, glaring even harder at the twins, looked to Sehkmet and tried to look nervous. "And where is this written proof of yours?"

"It was in my briefcase until I was kidnapped," Sehkmet said, a malicious grin on his face. "It is now sitting on the desk in the office of Commissioner Doji."

"Of which," Doji said, stepping forward with Dais--note the black eye--in tow. "I have arrest warrants for Dais, here; as well as Judge Shuu, Attorney Cye, mall owner Rowan, and quite a few other prominent names. Who would like to step forward first?"

The courtroom was in an uproar; so was the audience. The twins dare make someone other than Dais the bad guy? The nerve!

"I hate those twins!" a certain one eyed man cried.

Sehkmet, not done in the slightest, stood up on the table Ryo had made a mess of and held up his hands. "Quiet! Quiet! I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly thank the man who made all of this possible. Even if he did let me fall into icy cold water, I owe my life to a faceless voice that has helped not only me, but the good, honest people of this city! I give my thanks to… the Shadow!"

Everyone applauded, and interesting noise especially for the tin cans, but when it died down, and everyone expected a speech from the Shadow, there was none. The twins stood up conspicuously, looking around.

"He left!" one of them shouted.

"He's gonna pay for this!"

Before any more could be made out, the organ blared.

* * *

"What an exciting episode!" Ryo's voice hovered over the audience as he took his role as narrator again. Being a narrator suited him much better. All he had to do was read his lines. There was no need to really act. Just read. He preferred this much more.

"However, we have a special treat for you today. Seeing as this is the last episode of the season, we have the rising star of Broadway. The talented writer and actor who plays the Shadow, Orson Wells to speak for you."

"What?" several voices shouted. "He hasn't done a thing!"

Meanwhile, the ghost of Orson Wells appeared on the screen, with his young twenty-two year old body from when he actually played his role.

"How did the twins manage that?" someone shouted off stage. The sound booth really needed a warning for all this excessive dialogue.

"Hello, friends," the ghost started. "I would like to thank you all for joining us every week to listen to our little show. I would also like to thank Blue Coal, for making this show possible."

"Excuse me, Orson," came the voice of a female ghost, also appearing on the screen.

"Why yes, Margo, or should I say Agnes Moorehead?" Hint, hint. Agnes Moorehead was the original Margo Lane. Somewhere off screen, Cale and Kayura could be heard fuming as they watched the originals take credit for all their hard work.

"Thank you. Why don't you the audience, let us know how much you like the show? You can send word through your local neighborhood Blue Coal dealer."

"That's a wonderful idea, Agnes," Orson Wells replied. "To all of you, be safe and good night."

Ryo's voice once more sounded through the audience as the ghosts disappeared on the screen. "Don't forget folks, we will be broadcasting older shows at the same time, and on this same station. Have a good summer and thank you for joining us during this winter broadcast season."

The screen faded to black, as the organ boomed over the audience. An eerie voice, low and sexy, laughed menacingly. "The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay. The Shadow knows, hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

* * *

Go to The Sandhog Murders


	4. The Sandhog Murders

**The Shadow**  
_The Sandhog Murders_

* * *

**Preshow:**

* * *

The twins had given up on the table acting as a decent barrier. After the post show of the previous episode, they decided to do things a little differently. So they picked the Sandhog Murders episode with those changes in mind. Of course, those changes were completely twisted and wrong, much like the End of Evangelion giving the viewers what they wanted in the most deranged way possible. Anyway, they had figured the table wouldn't be enough, so this time when they sat on stage waiting for the fiasco that was about to occur with out and out medieval shields.

"Will they be mad or happy?" Image asked.

"You want to guess?" Mirror replied.

Well, as it happened the first one to barge in was Jiro. His face was a mixture of happiness and scorn.

"What are you both on?" he demanded.

Mirror and Image tried to look innocent. "Whatever do you mean?"

An eyebrow twitched. "Look, I'm grateful you finally decided to NOT make me a villain. I appreciate you finally noticing my talent for acting."

Someone snickered.

"But why the HELL do I have such a small part?" he demanded. "I only get two scenes and barely any dialog! It's reminiscent to that Pain guy in the first episode! I'm too good for a role like that!"

The twins looked at each other, apparently debating on who would explain this to him.

Mirror finally looked up. "Think of it this way. You're expanding your role by playing parts that have nothing to do with your character. It gives you a more rounded acting experience."

"Experience nothing!" Jiro shouted. "I want a more demanding role!"

"What could be more demanding than trying to restrain yourself and playing a meek character?" Image asked.

The white haired Jiro was thiiiiiiis close to blowing up, but he didn't have the opportunity because the snake eyed Naotoki barged in.

"What are you both on?" he demanded.

"Jiro-chan already asked us that," Image said, smirking as the aforementioned man seethed.

"I'm a cripple! I'm Japanese, how am I supposed to do a Russian accent? I though the US and Russia were enemies! Didn't you torture me enough in that boat episode? And why the hell am I-"

"Woah, woah, woah!" The twins were holding their shields defensively. "First off, the United States and Russia didn't really become all hateful to each other until World War II. Actually, it was after World War II, when Russia, er the Soviet Union, or whatever, refused to give up their satellite countries as a buffer for another invasion. Us uppity Americans thought that because of that, Russia might try to take over the world won day or something, so we made them the Axis of Evil and stupid stuff like that. This episode, well, I don't know when it takes place, but it was well before all that."

Everyone balked and gaped at Image.

"What?" she asked innocently.

Jiro and Naotoki sighed, resigned to their fates, and left. The next to burst in was Kayura. She all but stormed in, her ancient power swirling around her as the approached the two directors with hateful eyes.

"Who wrote this piece of junk?" she demanded.

"Not us," Mirror said defensively. "We already told you, we just take the episodes and put you guys in the roles."

"I'm a complete air bubble in this episode!" she cried out. "Why, oh WHY did you put me un such a stupid role? This ditz can't make a one word sentence without someone helping her. No wonder they have a stereotype about blond bimbos, she probably was one!"

Image stood up, clearly mad. She still had her shield in front of her, though. "Now, look. This show didn't take place in the modern world, alright? Woman's right and activism had only just barely managed to get us to vote. I know Margo Lane is a bit flighty, but she's a lot better that some of the female roles out there at the time. Her… idiosyncrasies only happen when it's convenient for the writer. There were some roles out there that made complete fools of women, just to make the men laugh."

Mirror had a lot more to say. "We were just seen differently in those days. Women were still barefoot and pregnant. We did the menial work to help our men fight the war for the simple reason that we have more dexterity. We were in charge of the house and the men were in charge of the world. My thesis is about women in computer science. I could give you a whole crapload of statistics about how things have changed over the years, but I don't want to bore you. You'll play the role, Kayura. Do you understand?"

Kayura, shocked by the strong reaction, backed away involuntarily. No one ever managed to get the twins more than annoyed. This was mad. Kayura wasn't about to have the twins direct the anger on her, so she quietly backed off. She still didn't like the role, though.

The twins, meanwhile, sat back in their director's chairs and breathed a sigh of relief. "It worked," Mirror said.

"I was scared for a second that we really would have to get mad before she'd believe us."

Further comment was cast aside as the scarred Kujuurou, his face oddly red, stormed onto the stage. "What the hell kind of episode is this?" he demanded.

"Do you not like it?" Mirror asked.

"Did the writers not have enough ideas or something? There's a good five minutes of romance in this episode!"

"You don't like that?" Image asked.

"What in hell makes you think I have anything nice to say to KAYURA? That little brat shows us up every chance she gets, and I have to say stuff like, 'I just want you to know I was right about you,' or 'And what a pretty face it is.' Hell, I have to fess up to being a boar to her! What kind of plot is that?"

"Is that why you're blushing?" Mirror asked. This only caused Kujuurou to turn redder.

"Come on," Image said lightly. "It's not like you're declaring your love or anything. You don't even kiss. You just say a few nice mushy statements. It's not like this is a fanfic or anything."

"It IS a fanfic! We're in it, aren't we?"

"That's beside the point," Mirror said, grinning. "It's all harmless. Surely the big bad bearer of the Yami yoroi can handle a few gushy statements?"

Pinned down by his ego, the blue haired Kujuurou hung his head in defeat. He decided not to even mention his complaint about Lamont Cranston giving up and resigning himself to dying and then suddenly wanting to live in the span of moments. He didn't even want to think about how the twins would weasel him into that one.

* * *

Sandhog Murders

* * *

The organ produced its deafening chords, signaling the start of the show. The sound guy tried to lessen the noise by making the chords lower. This only succeeded in making the audience vibrate even more. Still, they waited for the now familiar chilling laugh of the Shadow.

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Ryo's voice followed. "These dramatizations are designed to demonstrate forcible to old and young alike, that crime does not pay." He paused, letting the new line sink in, before he continued on as normal. "The Shadow, mysterious character who aids the forces of law, and order, is in reality Cale Sasaki, wealthy young man about town. Sasaki's constant friend and companion, the lovely Lady Kayura, is the only person who knows to whom the mysterious voice of the Shadow belongs. Today's adventure: 'The Sandhog Murders'."

Ryo debated on the commercial idea; but he got along fine without it in the previous episode, so he skipped it again and let the film fade into the opening shot.

The scene opened up to a rather ugly view. Machinery was bringing dirt out of some sort of muddy sinkhole, its smoke stacks pouring out inky clouds of residue. The camera stayed on this shot for some time.

The audience started to look to each other, wondering if something was supposed to happen. In fact, they started to chat amongst themselves.

"What?" Ryo's voice carried over the crowd, "I have more narrative?"

Ah well. At least he realized it.

Clearing his throat, the narrator started to narrate again. "Sandhogs. Workers who put their lives on the line every day as they toil underground to dig tunnels. Here, one hundred feet below the heavy water that presses down on them, the workers must always go through compression and decompression in order to survive."

Narrating finished, Ryo let out a sigh of relief.

Meanwhile, since Ryo's job had been done, the camera zoomed in and cut to see Dr. Koji leading a large troop of tin soldiers toward the decompression chamber.

"Hey! Sanada!" Dr. Kojo called out. "Don't want to get left behind do you?"

"No," Ryo replied, jogging to the chamber. "I was just feeling a little weird here. My ears are ringing."

Dr. Koji nodded his head in the way of a wise professor about to teach his student. "Have you ever heard of the bends?"

"Sorta. That's related with deep sea diving, isn't it?"

"Not exactly. The bends is when you start to get air bubbles in your bloodstream. The bubbles enter your bloodstream when there is a great deal of pressure around you. For example, when diving in the deep sea, then you have more and more water above you. When you have all the weight on you, your body adjusts. Then, if you go up and depressurize too quickly, the air in your body expands too quickly, and you could likely kill yourself."

"So that's why we go through both compression and decompression. To make sure our bodies have time to adjust to the pressure," Ryo summed up.

"Correct."

"But my ears are still ringing. And my head is starting to hurt."

Dr. Koji looked to the pressure gauge, wiping sweat from his brow. "What? The pressure is decreasing too quickly!"

Those poor unfortunate people in the decompression chamber started to cough and hack. They were having a great deal of trouble breathing.

"Help!"

The organ blasted its low somber tones.

* * *

The new scene opened to a 1930s car, carrying Cale and Kayura, over an obviously matted background. Evidently the twins were going more for accuracy with the time period instead of realism. One wonders if the pics will end up being black and white or not as the story progresses.

Anyway, Kayura was driving the car (thankfully, the cabbie Sekky was unavailable).

"Hey!" someone off stage hissed.

ANYWAY! Kayura was driving, thanking her lucky stars that their snake of a driver wasn't in this episode.

"I can hear you, you know!"

Kayura. Was. Driving. And. Glad. She. Was. Doing. So. And. Not. Sekky.

"Stop talking like I'm not here!"

Several loud thuds were heard offstage.

Maybe now I can continue uninterrupted.

The nerve.

Kayura, however, jumped in. I'll never get to describe what's going on, am I?

"I can't believe this Margo Lane." Evidently she was still fuming from the preshow. "The writers simply can't make up their minds on her. One season, she's actually smart enough to rival Lamont Cranston, the next, she's a bimbo. I get what the twins were saying about perceptions being different, but this is ridiculous!" And so Kayura continued on. She also had a lot to say about how, while it was fine for Margo Lane and Lamont Cranston to have an undefined relationship that was quite obviously love, _her_ and _Cale_ were a different story.

"Don't those twins understand that when writing fanfiction, readers jump to conclusions? If they hook us up like Margo and Lamont, the readers will think that the twins believe you and me to be a couple, even though they don't. People will begin to write their own fanfiction about you and me, even though we're not a couple. Are those twins insane!"

Poor Cale. He endured this long tirade, though he was focused more on the little booklet in his hand. Evidently he was trying to know his lines before his scenes. How interesting. He just may be an actor yet.

"Cale, are you even listening to me?"

"Hm?"

Kayura spoke a few words that don't really bear repeating. She was not in a good mood, and it didn't look like it was going to improve over the episode. A mad Kayura is not a good Kayura.

Cale rubbed his head from where the Ancient's staff had made an impression. "Sorry Kayura," he apologized. That earned a quick healing. "My lines say that I'm supposed to be concerned over my 'good friend' Rajura. He's supposed to be in some sort of trouble-"

"Big surprise," Kayura muttered darkly.

"-with his business the 'New Inter City Tunnel'. It appears he's been having quite a few accidents on his job. He's also supposed to be some sort of 'school' chum of mine. Is _everyone_ I deal with an old friend or schoolmate? Just what kind of life does this Lamont Cranston have? He doesn't seem to actually hold a job, yet he spends money all the time. Yet he still manages to spend all his time with Margo Lane, even though she doesn't know all these old friends of his. Just how old is he anyway? And they're not married? One of the tapes the twins lent me had him looking for an _apartment_ for her. Just what kind of life do they lead?"

Woah. Cale spoke. A lot. The twins stared at him. Kayura stared at him. The camera stared at him. The audience stared at him. Particularly Cale fans.

Cale let out a long sigh, hiding his blush under his fedora as he buried himself in his seat. "So I guess we have to visit this 'old friend' of mine," he mumbled.

The organ let its existence be known.

* * *

Rajura's office was tiny. And hot. And dirty. But what did one expect from a hands-on boss of a bunch of sandhogs?

Rajura plainly didn't like this however. Neither did Cale and Kayura. They moved very little for fear of touching the dirt. Kayura didn't mind the heat, because she had taken steps to make sure she wasn't sweating. This meant the shakujo that made such a nice blunt object when she wanted to hit someone. This of course left the men to sweat it out.

Not that the audience minded.

Rajura had his white hair pulled back, a drool worthy idea if ever there was one, and his shirt's sleeves were rolled up as he played with his suspenders. Cale had all his outer layers flung over an arm and unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt. Another droll worthy moment.

The camera done with it's panning of the scene, the sound guy kicked up the volume, letting the conversation filter into the theatre.

"Well, I just can't take this kind of thing," Rajura said through clenched teeth. "I never wanted this business in the first place," he flashed a pained look to the camera. Fans swooned. "I only took it because dad died. But I've had it! Everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. From broken pipes to loose gears to a busted elevator; I have to have a mechanic look over everything every day. Well, I'm done. Hashiba Touma can have it.

Cale raised and eyebrow, a feat he was getting very good at, and glanced at his booklet. "What does this Hashiba have to do with anything?" he asked.

"He…" Rajura clenched his jaw, forcing the words out. "He feels sorry for me. He's offered to… buy me out."

That wasn't so hard, now, was it?

Rajura glared at the camera, but continued in a strained voice. "I'm going to let him buy up. I'm not… I'm not… I'm not up for this kind of… responsibility."

Cale and Kayura both grinned devilishly. "Of course you're not," Kayura said easily. Cale coughed slightly, the noise "weak boy" filtering under his breath.

The wolfish grin still on his face, Cale put a comforting hand on Rajura. "Don't worry, Raj-kun. I'll look into it for you. In fact, why don't I handle the entire matter myself so you won't have to have so much responsibility on you. Of course, if anything happens to me, you'll be solely to blame, but I'm sure nothing will happen. Ne?"

Rajura continued to glare as the blue haired couple continued to live it up. This went on for several minutes, until all three of them glanced off camera. The twins were giving directions, since they were the directors, and then a green haired man hobble onto the set.

"Ah!" Rajura said slowly. "Cale, Lady Kayura, I'd like you to meet, er, Old Pop Naaza. He's been with the business since the beginning. He knows more about this stuff than anyone. You can talk while I go see to the, uh, men."

Rajura quickly got the heck out of there. Some muffled curses directed presumably towards the twins were heard, followed quickly by a swatting sound, and then silence.

Pop Naaza, Cale, and Kayura all gulped audibly as they stared off camera.

Naaza recovered first. "So, what can I do for you?" he asked. There was no trace of a Russian accent in his voice. Ah, well, nothing's perfect.

Kayura picked up next. "Well, what do you think of those eight men dying in the decompression chamber?"

"It was no accident," Pop Naaza said bitterly.

"Why not?" Cale asked, finally pulling away from whatever he was looking at off camera.

"It wasn't. Decompression doesn't accidentally break down. Rajura told you he's hired a mechanic?"

"Yes."

"He checks every day. It works every day. Things don't break that quickly."

"Your suggesting sabotage, then?" Kayura asked. Cale threw here a look. Apparently, she had taken his line. She just sniffed and focused on Naaza. "Right?"

"You didn't here this from me," the snake eyed worker said in a conspiratorially soft voice. "But if you want to know why decompression broke, you talk to Hashiba Touma."

"You're insinuating that Hashiba deliberately killed those eight men," Cale said quickly, beating out Kayura. She made a face.

Pop Naaza shrugged. "Is competitive business. Companies make bid on a project, only one gets it. It can make other businesses mad."

"I see," Kayura and Cale said simultaneously. They glared at each other. "Call us if you see anything!" they shouted, still trying to beat each other out. Pop Naaza took it all in stride, the faintest hints of a grin playing on his face.

"I'll do that," he said lightly. He hobbled off, going back to work.

"Why the hell are you taking all my lines?" Cale demanded.

"I refuse to play Margo Lane as a complete ditz! She's going to have a meaty part other than being a plot device."

"That's fine, but at another character's expense? I'm the one who's supposed to jump to conclusions and go out as the Shadow. The Shadow isn't a girl."

"Well he should be!" Kayura shouted.

"Do you honestly think the twins will let you get away with this?" he demanded.

Kayura froze; her face gong white.

Cale muttered something in Japanese and took a breath, glancing at his booklet. "Well, I suppose that this Hashiba Touma will receive a little visit. From the Shadow."

Kayura opened her mouth to make a comment, but whatever she said was cut off as the organ brought about his blaring chords.

* * *

Touma's office was much cleaner than Rajura's. So much so, the difference startled the audience. Where anyone in Rajura's office was afraid to move because of the dirt, anyone in Touma's office was afraid to move for fear of spreading dirt. Everything sparkled with the richness of the times. Oak paneling shined under the sun's rays, which was filtered through large arched windows that were spotless. The mahogany desk near the window was tidy, papers in neat stacks awaiting Touma's inspection.

Evidently the set designer seemed to favor Touma over Rajura. It seems Touma' fans won out in this scene.

"Hell yeah!" the aforementioned Touma fans in the audience shouted.

And in the middle of it all, sat Touma, looking utterly resigned to his fate. He preferred the bit roles that usually didn't have more than two sentences for him to say for a whole episode, if he even had to speak. Touma fans swooned at his expressions of angst. They so wanted to rush up and hug him.

Unfortunately, this is a Warlord fic. Tough tamales to them.

Ignoring all of this, the blue haired business man who'd rather be elsewhere picked up the phone.

"Yes? Yes. Of course. Naturally. I don't care how. I want it."

There he'd said the first of his lines. Unfortunately, his next set was longer.

But wait! Here comes the silky laugh of the Shadow! _Everyone_ in the audience cheered.

"Hnhnhnhn," the Shadow chuckled.

The twins will never get tired of that laugh.

"What an interesting conversation," the unseen voice continued.

"Who's there?" Touma shouted, looking rather spooked. The poor thing. Nobody will ever figure out how we got the Shadow's voice into his scenes. Ever.

"I can't see you! Who are you!"

"I am," the Shadow paused for drama, "the Shadow. I would like to know more about that conversation." The voice turned hard. "Tell me."

"None of your business," Touma stated, sitting back in his chair. "I'm a businessman and I keep my business to myself."

"Are you sure?" the haunting voice intoned. "I understand that competition can drive a man under. Take the Inter City Tunnel, for example."

"What are you suggesting?" Touma continued to look around, wondering how the twins did it.

"The Inter City Tunnel has been plagued by convenient 'accidents'. If Rajura gives up the contract, it will benefit you."

"Psa," Touma made a noise of insignificance. "I feel bad for that kid Rajura. It's probably some sort of inside job."

"Really?" the Shadow mocked. "The workers rally around that 'kid'."

Several grumbles were heard offstage.

"Nobody ever said that sandhoggers were smart," Touma retorted.

The grumbles offstage increased in volume.

"I appreciate your time," the Shadow replied, his voice fading. "You had best watch your step around that tunnel, Touma. You just might fall in. Hahahahahahaha!"

Once more, the audience was resonated by the organ.

* * *

Cale, feeling supremely satisfied with himself, returned to the construction site with a smirk planted on his face. The audience was coming to love his facial expressions, whether they were in the script or not.

Said happy face wiped away very quickly, however, when he saw Kayura was already waiting for him.

Instead of a smirk, he balked.

"Took you long enough to get here," Kayura said in sweet tones, trying to look bubbly.

"What are YOU doing here?" he demanded. He actually sounded sincere! Yay!

"I called." The scarred Cale looked over to see Old Pop Naaza sitting with Kayura. Apparently they had been playing cards. "Didn't want to do anything till you got here."

"The old man doesn't think a woman can handle this by herself," Kayura sniffed. "We have to wait for the big hero to come and save the day?"

"Huh?" was about all Cale could manage.

"Y'both said to call when somethin' happened," Naaza replied easily. He got up and limped over to what looked like an elevator. "I got here tonight, and the elevator was at the bottom. That means someone's down there. So I called."

"Uh… right," Cale stuttered, trying to regain himself. "Good job, Pop."

"Good job nothing!" Kayura cried out. "I've been waiting for you for over two hours. Where the hell have you been?"

"Better watch that one," Naaza said, not afraid to improvise. "She's got on a mouth on her."

Cale smirked. "She does, indeed."

Fuming against her own volition, Kayura took several minutes before anything coherent could come out of her mouth. She then whacked the two squarely on their heads with the Ancient's staff and stomped over to the elevator. "Come, on! Let's go!"

After checking that neither man had a concussion, they hesitantly went into the elevator. Naaza explained, much like Koji had previously, why compression and decompression was necessary. When they reached the bottom, Naaza made the pair wear boots, as it was muddy one hundred feet under a river. Carefully, the couple walked out onto the gangplanks.

"We are not a couple!" Cale shouted.

Sure you're not. You just play one for this episode.

"When I get my hands on those twins…" Kayura muttered. Apparently she didn't like the idea of saying nice things to Cale either.

Setting her jaw, Kayura put on her girly voice. "Wow! It's so dark down here!"

"I like it dark," Cale replied.

"Good idea," said Pop Naaza, ignoring that Cale had said the wrong lines. "The light switch is right here." There was a clicking noise, and several lamps along the ceiling lit up, giving a misty light to the tunnel.

The tunnel itself was at least thirty feet tall and perhaps fifty wide. Pipes, gangplanks, scaffold, and mud was everywhere. The place looked very reminiscent to Rajura's office.

"Shut up!"

Kayura charged forward, determined to prove that Margo Lane didn't have to be a ditz. Cale treaded behind her more cautiously. Naaza stayed behind.

"I'll guard here," he said smoothly. "Don't want the person down here to escape."

Cale suddenly looked at Naaza, his face unreadable, but nodded. "Good idea." Audience members wondered what the look was for.

Anyway, not about to get an answer from the screen, they continued to watch as Cale and Kayura ventured further into the dimly lit tunnel.

"Hellooooooooo!" Kayura called out, her voice echoing off the rounded walls. "Come out; come out, wherever you are!"

"That's real mature," a certain male lead muttered. The staff swung at him again, but he smartly ducked. "That's even more mature," he said.

"Shut up. Like whining is going to do you any good."

"Like stealing my lines to make yourself look better did you any good."

The shakujo swung again. Cale ducked again, but not low enough. Clipped in the back, Cale stumbled over and landed in the ever present mud. The audience was torn between being shocked and laughing their butts off. Only when Cale stood up, his topcoat and fedora dirtied beyond recognition and his face a now lively brown, did everyone burst out laughing. Kayura was included in this statement, unable to control herself as she wandered somewhere between giggling and guffawing. Cale replied by slinging a fistful of mud at her; but Kayura simply dodged it.

He was about to fling another slop of mud when the two heard a cry coming from back where they'd come.

"Naaza?" Kayura questioned. "Naaza!"

Silence.

The pair dashed back to the elevator, Cale slightly behind as he kept slipping in the mud.

They arrived at the elevator too late. It was already heading up, taking with it their only means to get out. Then, just to annoy them, the lights turned off. Cale was unperturbed by it, but Kayura was left furious. The camera could still see them, if barely, as Kayura tried to feel her way to Cale and Cale pointedly avoided her.

"Damn it! Where are you, night boy?"

"I'm right here. It's not my fault you keep missing me."

"Yes it is you jerk!"

"How would you know?"

Any comment Kayura might have had was cut off as there came a ringing noise. Cale looked around momentarily before he calmly walked over to a call box and picked up the receiver.

"Yes?"

"Hmhmhmhehehehahahahahaaaaaa."

Cale bit his lip about the laugh being his line. The Shadow identity was supposed to be a secret, after all. "Who is this?" he demanded instead.

"You honestly think I'm going to tell you?" the voice replied. "You seem to have a very bad habit of sticking you nose in where it doesn't belong, Sasaki. So now, you die."

Cale blinked. "I what?"

"You die. You see, I'm talking to you from the compression control center. I'm about to rise the pressure up and up, until the tunnel can no longer take it. It will collapse, and several million gallons of water will wash away your corpses. It will be just another accident, another tragic accident. Heheheheheheheh. Hahahahahahahaa!" The phone clicked, ending the conversation.

"Bastard," Cale muttered as he slammed the phone down.

"What? What?" Kayura demanded. She had only heard Cale's articulate side of the conversation.

"Oh, nothing much. The bad guy is just going to raise the pressure of the tunnel until it collapses on us. One of those many death traps that bad guy's on this show loves pulling. I mean, why do something tried and true to work when they can get creative and increase the chances of escape."

"Well, if chances are increased for getting out of here," Kayura said, "then let's do so." She calmly called forth her magic and started floating around the tunnel, looking for a means of escape.

Cale smirked, grateful that the "romance" scene was completely skipped. Then he realized that he had been left to look around on the mud. A scowl crossed his face as he trudged off to look for a way out.

Before he could get far, however, Kayura floated down to him.

"What are you doing? I already found a way out."

"Thank you so much for informing me," Cale replied sarcastically. "Where is it?"

"Up there," Kayura said, pointing upward. "There's an escape route that idiot of a bad guy completely forgot about. Climb the scaffold up there and life will be good." She floated up to where she had pointed.

Cale muttered something under his breath, and stomped over to the indicated scaffold, climbing it slowly. By the time he made his way to the escape route, he noticed he was a little light headed, but thought nothing of it as he climbed up.

After the hatch closed, and the pressure continued to rise until, as the man on the call box had said, the pressure gave in and the tunnel flooded, completely collapsing.

* * *

The organ blared, announcing the end of the scene, and Ryo's voice came up. "My, my, it looks like Sasaki and Lady Kayura are in quite a predicament! How will they escape? Er, I mean, will the mysterious saboteur have taken the escape route into account? What will happen to our hero?"

"Heroes!" Kayura shouted faintly.

"And now," Ryo said. "Back to the Shadow."

So much for commercials. I think we're giving up on them entirely.

* * *

The scene reopened to Rajura and Commissioner Doji in Rajura's icky office. Actually, the camera zoomed in to see that the office seemed to be a vast improvement to what it was last time. In fact, it was clean. While hardly the sparkling splendor or Touma's office, it was tidy enough and clean enough for the two aforementioned men to be sitting down and having a cup of tea.

Sigh. So much for Rajura being an "on-hands" sandhog.

"Shut. Up." Rajura bit out.

Anyway, Rajura and Doji were having a nice cup of tea in the office. Hold on a second. The camera zoomed in to Doji. Doji's ever-present popping vein was gone. Very odd. The commissioner, you see, is a very difficult job. He's the top dog of the police, seconded only to the mayor. Because of that, when the police get a bad name, the commissioner gets a bad name. If the commissioner gets a bad name, the mayor gets a bad name. If the mayor gets a bad name, he puts pressure on the commissioner. If the commissioner has a bad name, the press puts pressure on him. If the commissioner's underlings are idiots, he's left very frustrated. Such is the case of commissioner Doji, and in order to cope, he has an ever-present vein popping out of his head to show everyone his displeasure.

It is conspicuously absent.

My, how very interesting, why ---

"I couldn't believe the papers this morning," Doji interrupted.

How rude. Fine, I'll let them do all the description for the scene. See if I care.

"Just let us say our lines and be done with it!" the one-eyed man shouted.

Hmph.

With that taken care of, Rajura turned back to Doji. "I know. I can't believe they were killed last night."

"Yes," Doji agreed, sipping his tea. "Just think, they won't take up the spotlight anymore and we'll actually have to take over in their roles."

Rajura beamed. "I like the sound of that. I always knew I was too good an actor for the stuff the twins put me in."

Doji's vein popped and pulsed briefly before fading away. "Heaven forbid that the twins realize that Commissioner Weston might have actually had some brains instead of being a bumbling idiot."

"It _will_ be awfully nice to not have to play the villain."

"At least you didn't get cast into particular roles. I'm stuck as Weston in every episode he's in. Naotoki is permanently the dumb cabbie Shrevie if he's in the episode. At least you get variety."

"Like being the villain is variety."

Hello! You're supposed to be grieving! Get back to the scripts.

"Yes mother," one of them muttered.

What was that?

Rajura put on his best "sad face" and turned back to Doji. "Poor Cale and Kayura," he said in exaggerated tones of grief. "It's all my fault!" He's overacting again. "Cale just wanted to help me. He didn't want me to quit the sandhog business!"

A little sincerity please?

"Well I won't quit now! Such a small accident as loosing your entire job didn't stop my father, so it won't stop me! I'll keep going! For their sake and their sake alone!"

Oh god he's getting into the role.

"I will continue to suffer through this business that I didn't want! I will strive to get a clean office and start to bring in the real money! I will become a success and put Cale and Kayura's ghosts to shame with it! They will not have died in vain! They are the push I need to do what I never wanted to do! And that is--"

"To shut up," Doji roared, his vein pulsating. He pulled out a hammer and pummeled Rajura into the ground.

Thank you.

"You're welcome."

"Itai..." came from the floor. Rajura got up, dusting himself off. "Anyway, I'll go rally my men. We'll keep going forward, no matter how many of us die."

The door shut behind him and Doji went about enjoying the quiet and his cup of tea. The twins had a good idea for props. He liked the tea. He'd have to compliment the chef.

Somewhere off stage, Cye's voice filtered up. "Thank you."

Then again, if it was one of his enemies, he'd have to withdraw the compliment.

"Hmph."

As Doji relaxed, glad that the mayor and the press and the idiots under him weren't bothering him, he silently wished that Cale and Kayura would come knocking and start to bug him about something.

"I'm what?" Doji asked.

Ahem. Anyway, after Doji was finished with his tea, he got up and headed out of the office. After all, he wasn't here to enjoy himself. He was here on business. He had to inspect the place and figure out how the river ended up leaking into the tunnel while Cale and Kayura were in there. After all, he was the top policeman. Why should he have underlings do work when his job was to deal with the press? No, he also had to investigate like a detective who was much lower on the food chain.

"Commissioner."

Doji jumped against his will, startled by the silky voice that he knew too well. The audience cheered.

"What do you want, Shadow?" Doji asked, not bothering to look around. Supposedly, he'd had enough dealings with the Shadow to know not to bother looking. Of course, like everyone else on the cast, he had yet to figure out how the twins got the voice into the scenes.

"To catch a murderer," the chilling voice replied.

"Oh. Really?" Doji let the sarcasm drip from his voice. He was top cop and he would never be as smart as the Shadow. Really. This was something to be proud of. Honestly.

"Rajura has gone down to the tunnels, has he not?" the sinfully sexy voice asked.

"Yes. What's that got to do with anything?" Why was Doji always left out of the loop?

"The murderer has been waiting for this opportunity. For now, the one person he has wanted to kill will be in an 'accident-prone' area," the Shadow supplied. How many people in the audience know who the bad guy is by now, I wonder. Oh the joys of being an omnipotent writer.

"So the killer will come and break these pumps and kill everyone below," Doji summarized.

"Precisely." Doji felt a grip on his arm as the Shadow pulled him into the shadows. "We can wait here for the assassin."

Doji didn't say anything as he crouched behind the machinery that sandhogs required. It didn't take long before footsteps were heard heading toward them.

"Son of a bitch," a voice hissed. "You'll pay for what your father did to me." The footsteps continued to limp toward them.

Is that enough of a hint?

"Just because of a sandhog accident stole my leg I wasn't the next in line. No, you had to give it to that brat Rajura. I know more about this business that the brat of a son you had."

"That would be a convincing motive, would it not?" the Shadow whispered to Doji.

"Indeed," the commissioner replied, his vein starting to pop again in a more normal fashion. "He has means, motive, and he's showing us his opportunity. I think I'll nail him."

Old pop Naaza limped around the corner, a heavy mallet in his hand. "Join Cale and Kayura, you little upstart of a job stealer!" He hefted up the hammer and aimed at the delicate machinery. Thankfully, Doji was right behind him. The hammer didn't fall onto the machinery, but instead, on to Naaza's good foot.

Oh well. So much for seriousness. This is turning into slapstick.

Doji, however, was impressed with Naaza's acting. It looked like the hammer had really hurt him. Well, he wasn't one to complain. Criminal caught. He's done. Time for the organ.

* * *

Doji was hoping his role was done for the episode. But alas, no. He had more and he didn't know what his lines were to boot. The twins were incredibly cruel sometimes.

Hey!

Anyway, Doji was in his office, sorting through paperwork in a vain attempted to look busy. Maybe if he was occupied enough, he could get out of this scene. Maybe. He could hope.

Knock, knock.

Oh well.

"Come in," he growled, his vein's pulsing increasing. The door opened and Doji did not look up. He was supposed to be busy. The door shut and the audience watched Doji go through paperwork for several minutes. It was boring. The audience wanted to see who had come into Doji's office. They had a rough idea who, but they wanted conformation.

More paperwork.

More silence.

"Argh, fine." Doji looked up saw who it was and fell out of his chair.

Standing in front of him, smiling evilly was none other than Cale and Kayura.

"YOU'RE ALIVE?"

"No need to shout, Commissioner," Cale calmly said, his grin widening.

"I found an escape tunnel that Naaza didn't think of," Kayura stated triumphantly.

"Besides," they said together, "we had to put you and the others in your place."

* * *

The screen faded to black, as the organ boomed over the audience. An eerie voice, low and sexy, laughed menacingly. "The weed of crime bears bitter fruit. Crime does not pay. The Shadow knows, hahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Ryo's voice came next. "Wow! What an exciting episode of the Shadow. Please tune in next week, same time, same station for, the Shadow!"

* * *

Go to Death Speaks Twice


	5. Death Speaks Twice

**The Shadow**  
_Death Speaks Twice_

* * *

**Preshow:**

* * *

"Well, that went well," Mirror said as she sat at the table on the stage, shield in hand. 

"You'd think they'd like they we picked that episode and switched things around, but noooooo," Image said. Her shield was on the table, ready to be grabbed when necessary.

"At least this one has a bunch of characters. You get tired or reading about the same people all the time."

"I don't know," Image replied. "I'd like to think we're doing a good job with this. This is the last part, pulling out all the stops isn't a bad thing."

"Too bad they probably won't appreciate it." Mirror slid back in her purple director's chair to get comfortable.

"Have you noticed, throughout this fic, that we can time when they show up?"

"Yes, actually. It's dependant on how many people in the cast there are."

"So, three, two, one..."

Someone burst onto the stage.

The twins high fived.

Said person to enter the stage was Yagyu. Her auburn hair swished behind her as she made her way to the twins. Slamming her fists on the table, she demanded, "What kind of ditz do you think I am? I am not some sort of lovesick dingbat."

The twins sighed. "We had this conversation with Kayura last time. It was just the sign of the times, okay? Deal with it. We can't do anything about it."

"You're the authors of this fic, aren't you? You have artistic license and all that, don't you? You can change it!"

"No we can't," Mirror replied calmly.

"Why not!"

"Because if we did then it wouldn't be a Shadow episode," she replied simply.

Yagyu huffed, puffed, and stormed off the stage.

The next pair to come in were Date and Sanada. Any pleas they made to their respective parts fell on deaf ears, as well as a mountain of sugar and a veritable fog of shojo bubbles. Seeing that, they gave up and sulked off.

Jiro stormed in next.

"I'm a bad guy again!"

"Well," the freshly recovered twins said, "you didn't like being a regular guy in the last episode. So we made you the villain again."

"Damn it, that wasn't what I meant!" the white haired man shouted. "I didn't want to play a wuss!"

"You don't want to play villains, you don't want to play wusses, what kind of part do you want exactly," Image asked.

"The hero."

"Well, that part's taken," Mirror responded.

"Next!" Image called.

"Now they're making references to Gatekeeper: No Not Aki," Jiro muttered under his breath as he stormed off.

The green haired Naotoki was next. "I'm playing a wuss again! All I do is whine and complain about my head!"

"Yeah. So?"

"When do I get a meaty role, one where my character has some guts, some manhood?"

"This is the last episode. This is all you get."

Cursing, Naotoki stomped off.

"Were we expecting any others?" Mirror asked her twin.

"Dunno," Image said as she made herself comfortable.

Kujuurou walked in next. "What happens to me in this episode?"

The twins glanced at each other. "Whatever do you mean?" they asked innocently.

"Something happens to me. But my script doesn't say what. What happens to me?"

Smiles spread across their faces. "Nothing!" they say cheerily.

"I'm suddenly very worried," the scared man muttered.

"Now, really, Kujuurou, why would you be worried?"

"I'm getting out of here before you decide to do any MORE episodes."

"Well, that was relatively easy."

"Is Kayura going to show up?"

"After we scared the heck out of her last pre show? I don't think so."

"Good. Then we're done."

The twins looked to the camera and bowed.

"Thank you for putting up with us and our mediocre attempt at a comedy fic."

"We hope that you've been able to enjoy it; even if you've never heard of the Shadow."

"And now," they said in stereo. "On with the show!"

* * *

Death Speaks Twice

* * *

The organ produced its deafening chords, signaling for the last time the start of the show. The audience happily counted down the number of times left they would here that annoying instrument before they would no longer be vibrated by it. One down. Ten to go. 

"Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? The Shadow knows! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!"

Ryo's voice followed, still eliciting happy sighs from his fans in the audience. "These dramatizations are designed to demonstrate forcibly to old and young alike, that crime does not pay." He paused. "The Shadow, mysterious character who aids the forces of law, and order, is in reality Cale Sasaki, wealthy young man about town. Sasaki's constant friend and companion, the lovely Lady Kayura, is the only person who knows to whom the mysterious voice of the Shadow belongs. Today's adventure: 'Death Speaks Twice'."

* * *

The scene opened to a jail cell, inside which are two familiar faces. 

"You were framed, Sehkmet. That bastard of an uncle of yours, Judge Ryo, framed you and stuck you in here." The voice was given by the one-eyed Dais. The camera obligingly looked to said man and then lowered to the bottom bunk to see the green-haired cellmate to whom Dais was speaking.

"So what if I was framed," Sehkmet snapped, staring at a picture on the wall. The picture revealed Nasutei, dressed in black mourning over a grave. Behind her was Sehkmet, also in black, and looking ashamed.

Well, well. Evidently Sehkmet kept his promise from "The White Legion". How he did that between shoots is beyond us. Nonetheless, we can't be too angry at him for that.

"Face it, Sehkmet," the gruff sounding Dais continued, ignoring our attention to detail, "you just don't have it in you to be an embezzler. Your uncle framed you." Dais played with something in his hands that the camera couldn't see in the shadows. "When I get out of here, I think I'll take you with me."

"No," Sehkmet answered harshly. "I won't. I was honest before I came to prison, and I'll stay honest, even when I get out."

Now there's an oxymoron.

"Weeeellll," Dais drawled out, "I guess it doesn't matter what's happening to your girlfriend then. I was going to pay her a visit when I got out of here tomorrow."

Faster than Dais, the camera, or the audience could see, Sehkmet pulled Dais out of the bunk and tossed him to the wall. Hand on Dais's throat, Sehkmet hissed, "Don't touch her. She's been through enough because of us. She doesn't need anymore grief."

Whoa. It looks like Dais acted well enough to actually get Sehkmet angry. Cool.

"Hey," Dais yelled, shoving Sehkmet off of him, "I was just going to give her a wedding gift!"

"Wedding gift?" Sehkmet looked more confused than angry.

"Yeah. She's getting married. To your blond bimbo of a brother, Sage."

"HEY!" came from off camera range.

Sehkmet slumped back into his bunk. "She's supposed to love me. She wouldn't just go and marry my _brother_." Sehkmet looked to Dais, hot fury in his eyes. "How do you know this?"

"Connections, connections," Dais retorted, hopping back up to his bunk. "Even in jail, I have a web of resources that stretch out and fetch whatever I need. A world wide web, if you will."

Groan.

"You say you're escaping tomorrow?" Sehkmet asked, his face hidden in the shadows of his cell.

"Yup."

"Is it a sure thing?"

"Yup. You coming with me?"

Silence was his reply.

The organ blasted. Nine to go.

* * *

The scene reopened in the prison exercise yard with crowds of tin cans within, prodding and poking their prisoners, lots of humans. Wait, what? Humans were prisoners and soldiers were guards. What's wrong with that picture? 

Anywho, the camera zoomed in on Dais, who was literally dragging Sehkmet to a secluded corner of the yard.

"It's time, partner."

"I'm not your partner," Sehkmet hissed. "I'm not sure I want to go through with this."

A human guard was coming over. Why, it's Shuu, the strongest guard at the prison!

"Hey, Dais, you're not getting away with this."

"What would you know, dummy?" Dais muttered, pulling out a knife and driving it into Shuu's stomach.

Shuu fans protested. Loudly.

"You killed him!" Sehkmet shouted.

"I never did like that guard," Dais murmured before going back to his lines. "It's been a while since I've done any, but yes, I killed him."

Shuu fans were rioting in the audience.

"I'm not going with a killer!" Sehkmet protested.

"Yes," Dais replied. "You are."

THUNK!

Now Sehkmet fans were rioting, particularly Swiftgold.

Didn't they realize that the knife was rubber? Shuu was just fine!

Shuu fans started to calm down and take their seats. Especially when Shuu winked at the audience.

Besides, Sehkmet has a thick skull. A simple crack on the head wouldn't do any harm.

Sehkmet fans calmed down. Well maybe.

The organ resonated. Eight to go.

* * *

The next scene was of Cale blessedly behind the wheel of a car as he and Kayura drove around, seemingly aimlessly. They were listening to a radio broadcast. Yes, yes, we know. A radio show doing a radio broadcast? It's like being in a movie and watching TV. 

Good, then you get the point.

"So," Kayura said lazily. "What are we doing again?"

"Oh, well." Cale turned onto a side road. "You see, that little radio drama you're listening to is about a jailbreak. I got a call from Sekhmet's brother Sage, ditz that he is, to come over." Cale glanced as his booklet; while driving at the same time to boot, and continued. "Apparently, there's a whole back story that I have to get into. Let's see, Sehkmet was arrested for embezzlement near on two years ago. His uncle, another ditz, Judge Ryo was the one to put him away. Now Sekky's escaped with a convicted killer named Dais. Sage is scared that because of that there's a threat to his family. Since the little coward can't handle it himself, I've been enlisted; and for reasons beyond my understanding, you're coming along."

Kayura grinned falsely and put on her sugary tones. "Oh, I wonder how Mia's doing! I haven't seen her in ages. Isn't she engaged to Sage now?"

Cale shrugged. "Like I follow those kinds of things. I wouldn't put it past the twins. Hell, they tried to make me love a twelve year old brat."

Kayura glared, but then sniffed haughtily. "I know. They tried to make me fall in love with an old geezer."

"Look who's talking."

"Geezer."

"Brat."

Um, excuse me? The script?

Repressing a sigh, Cale continued. "My suspicions are up. I know that Sehkmet wasn't above playing tricks on people. He was always trying to spike the tea; and I was always the one who ended up drinking it." Kayura giggled at the many memories. "But he's a joker, not a criminal. Not like that Dais." Ignoring the strangling cries off camera, Cale added, "Besides, why would he break out of jail with that one eyed murderer, anyway?"

Further comment was cast aside as the pair saw someone waving at them with a flashlight off the road.

"That must be Sage," Kayura muttered.

"Now there's a suspicious guy," Cale said lightly as he pulled over. When he got out of the car a flashlight was thrown into his face. Pulling out and rubbing away the indent, Cale calmly walked over to the blond man.

"What were you saying about me being suspicious?" Sage asked innocently.

"Oh, nothing. Let's talk as we walk, shall we?"

"Yes, let's," Kayura added when she saw the impending battle. She grabbed a wrist a piece and started dragging them. "So, has anything happened since you called?"

"Well, Sek's in the house right now."

"Eh!" Yes! They both did the double take successfully! Alright! Finally!

"It's serious," Sage continued, ignoring the good acting being displayed. "He's accusing Uncle Ryo of forcing Nasutei to marry me." Sage turned beat red as he continued. "Cale, you know me."

"Boy, do I."

"Shut up. You know Nasutei, too. Nobody forces her into anything. I wouldn't force her to do anything. She'd kill me if I did. Sehkmet doesn't stand a chance. Besides, after spending two years in jail, well, that kind of thing changes a man. I called you so you could convince him to turn himself in."

Kayura stopped walking and turned around. "YOU want HIM to convince Sehkmet to turn himself in."

Sage nodded.

"You really are a coward."

Sage would have thrown something at her, but he knew that that would mean immediate death. He wasn't about to face that.

"And Dais?" Cale asked.

"Who?"

"The guy you're little Sekky escaped with?"

"Oh," Sage replied. "I haven't seen him at all. In fact, I haven't seen Sehkmet either." Kayura and Cale gaped at him. "I've only heard him in the house." Sage bit out his last words. "I didn't think he would want to see me."

"Coward."

The organ let loose again. One more down! Now we're down to... er... damn. Lost count already! Seven, isn't it?

* * *

At the house, Kayura shuddered. It was a creepy looking old mansion that belonged in a ghost film, not a mystery drama. Towering and old, Kayura could just _feel_ the presence of many unhappy spirits within. 

"Now who's the coward?" Sage muttered.

Kayura's staff found his head.

Moving on, the trio entered into the house to hear arguing. In fact, the voices were that of Sehkmet and Ryo. Sehkmet sounded very, very angry, and Ryo sounded rather scared.

"I'm NOT scared of snakes!" The sound guy was lucky this was the last episode. That slip up would get him fired normally.

Sage merely continued with his lines.

"I'm not sure we should go in right now. We might startle Sehkmet."

"Wise decision," Cale agreed, taking in the raising volume of the argument. "Odd, since wisdom isn't exactly your thing."

Sage's fist found Cale's face. Or it would have if Cale hadn't blocked. After all, he didn't know what was going to happen to him in the next scene, so he had to keep his guard up.

Kayura ignored the both of them and kept her staff handy. The spirits in the house were restless and the arguing didn't help matters much.

"Sehkmet!" the muffled voice of Ryo filtered through the heavy oak door. "What are you doing! Sek! Sek!"

BANG!

BANG, BANG!

That didn't sound promising.

"Now would be a good time to go in," Kayura growled, somehow maintaining a girly quality to her voice

"Indeed," Cale agreed, opening the door.

Sage merely growled, imagining all sorts of torture for the twins who were writing the fic. A very large frying pan landed on his head.

So there.

"It's Ryo!" Kayura declared.

"And he's dead," Cale stated, kneeling over the body.

Lots and lots of Ryo fans started to strangle Mirror. Ryo's voice calmed them however.

"MIRROR I'M GONNA KILL YOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!"

The Ryo fans cheered and reseated themselves, leaving poor Mirror swirly-eyed as she tried very hard to write the scene.

Sage, meanwhile, surveyed the room and went to the open window. "It looks like Sehkmet killed Uncle Ryo and left through this window," he stated, refusing to actually act.

Spoil sport.

"Could you be wrong, Cale," Sage asked, while Kayura used her staff to transport Ryo's "corpse" away. "You thought Sehkmet wasn't capable of this kind of thing."

"Of course Cale is wrong," Kayura replied irritated. "He's always wrong about everything."

"I'll go call the police," Sage grunted, leaving the room.

"But then," Kayura continued, not listening to her lack of an audience, "Cale is the hero, so he should be right all the time. Unfortunately, these dramas neglect to say how useful the female companions are, since women are the smarter sex. . ."

"Not so fast," Cale interrupted, leaning out the window. "There aren't any footprints on the ground here. That means the window wasn't the escape route."

Kayura paled, hugging her shakujo closer to her. "That means there's a murderer in the house."

"Oh hell."

BANG!

Silence.

Sage! Say your lines!

Sage grunted, "Cale! Cale! Help!" So much for acting.

Cale smiled cruelly. He wasn't going to budge unless Sage really needed help. Sage didn't really sound all that desperate at the moment, so he sat down to relax. Kayura, meanwhile, was antsy. The spirits weren't acting very friendly at the moment.

Cale lounged back in the chair, tipping his fedora over his eyes and relaxed back for a nap.

"Cale! Cale, you jerk, get down here!"

Cale didn't budge.

Kayura did. She grabbed Cale's arm and pulled him along.

"Hey!"

"Just get down there!" She snapped. "Don't extend this episode more than it has to!"

Well, she did have a point. . .

Organ blast! Six to go!

* * *

Cale and Kayura had searched the entire first floor, but there was not sign of Sage. 

Finally, Kayura lost her patience. "Damn it, blondie! Where are you? This isn't a game of hide and seek you know!"

"Down here!" Sage's voice filtered from somewhere.

"Down where?"

"The basement!"

Cale and Kayura looked at each other. What the heck was he doing in the basement? Finding the right door, they went down the stairs. The basement was large by anyone's standards, and filled with boxes and odd items. Sage was crouched behind an icebox and a fuse box.

"Cowering?" Cale asked glibly.

"I was just shot at," Sage shot back.

"You were shot. In the basement."

"I was about to call the cops about uncle's murder," Sage explained, refusing to get up. "I 'heard a noise' and went down to investigate. Then my dear brother Sehkmet took a pot shot at me."

The creepy vibes Kayura was feeling started to get more agitated, and Kayura took a hint and kneeled down by Sage. The icebox actually provided a lot of cover.

Cale would have none of this, however. "You're stupid as well as a coward?" the scared man sneered. "The twins are writing this fic. You should know better than anyone that if there's a noise, there's a reason. This fic in particular."

"Are you hurt?" Kayura asked, looking around suspiciously.

"No. I ducked."

"Then why are you complaining in the first place?" Cale demanded. "If you're not hurt, then why'd you even drag us down here in the first place?"

"I'm following the script," Sage spat. "Unlike someone I know."

Kayura shrank down even further behind the icebox. "Where did Sehkmet go?" she asked tentatively. The creeps seemed twice as bad down here.

"I don't know, I was to busy ducking. The window I think."

"Useless as well as stupid and cowardly," Cale muttered. "And here I thought--"

BANG!

Everyone froze. Then they blinked. Then they froze again. Cale looked down to see his arm was bleeding. "I was shot?" He pulled back his coat and rolled up his sleeve as high as it could go. "I was shot!" Cale glared at the camera. "Those damn twins are--"

Any of Cale's four hundred years worth of experience in swearing was cut off as Kayura banged him on the head.

"It was your own fault for dodging a bullet in the first episode!"

"The script should have warned me!" Cale shouted. He looked to Sage, but he was whistling and looking distracted. Cale would have to apologize first before Sage healed him.

"Like hell I will!"

"Guys!" Sage shouted over the bickering pair. "Shouldn't we get out of here before Sehk shoots us again?"

Everyone agreed to the logic and got the heck out of the basement.

"Well?" Cale spat at Sage.

"I'll go call a doctor along with the police," Sage replied, headed for the telephone.

"Well, I suppose we should get you to a bedroom, maybe you should check to make sure your ego wasn't damaged too much?"

"Shut. Up."

"Yep, I'd say your ego took some very serious damage."

Kayura, her nerves shot as it was--er, not pun intended--deliberately grabbed Cale's bad arm and dragged him upstairs and into the first bedroom she found. She all but threw him onto the bed and crossed her arms.

Cale was about to retort, but he paused.

"What? Can't think of anything?" Kayura demanded.

"No," Cale replied. Incidentally, the bleeding at already stopped. All he got was a scratch. "I hear something."

The room fell silent as the both listened. Indeed, there was a muffled noise coming from somewhere. The closet?

Kayura strode over and pulled open the door, only to have Mia, tied and gagged, fall out of it.

"Oh, it's one of THOSE episodes." Hauling her to her feet, Kayura cut her loose and helped her to the bed.

"That jerk!" she shouted once her gag was gone. "That big fat jerk! I thought he was trying to make amends!" Kayura put a hand on her fellow girl's shoulder. Cale just sort of gaped, uncertain how to react. "I opened the door, and Sehkmet and some guy were standing there. He acted like he didn't know where he was, the faker. And he let the one eyed jerk bonk me on the head! I thought he was really sorry! I'm going to kill him! Where's uncle Ryo? I want to press charges!"

This Cale knew what to say as he glanced at his booklet. "Well, that'll be a little hard."

"Why?" Mia demanded, ready to inflict bodily pain if he gave the wrong answer.

Cale smirked. "He's dead."

The organ rang out again, ticking away one more bout of torture. Five to go.

* * *

The scene reopened in the library where Uncle Ryo had been killed. Commissioner Doji and his pulsing vein were trying to get a word in edgewise while Mia continued to talk. And talk, and talk, and talk. 

"That snake is a jerk, but he wouldn't kill anyone! That's about the only thing about him I trust!" Mia was pointing her finger into Doji's face, looking furious. "It's not the snake who you should be chasing, it's that white-haired one-eyed clot that conked me on the head and stuffed me in the closet! The snake didn't even seem to know where he was, let alone who he was, so WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE!"

Doji took his chance to actually say something. "Because it was probably your ex that killed your uncle, not Dais and we need YOU to tell us were the snake is!"

"I'm the only one who'll kill that snake!" Mia shouted.

Such was the way of the argument for several minutes.

Cale and Kayura watched the byplay, looking very much like spectators at a tennis match. What was most amazing was that Mia and Doji didn't notice at all that they were reiterating the same arguments over and over again.

Cale slumped down into the couch, deciding that standing with a bullet-wound wasn't a good idea.

Baby. He's only got a scratch.

Kayura, meanwhile, leaned back against a table, seeking to rest her aching feet from several episodes in the most torturous Western creation: High heels. The spirits in the house weren't helping matters, as they were always so tense. Her hand hit some sort of switch, and a new set of voices was heard, just barely, over Doji and Mia.

"You lose this round, Ryo," came Kayura's voice. "You know what to do."

Kayura and Cale looked around, feeling that the voice was somehow familiar.

"Fine, fine," Ryo's voice filtered in. "You got my shirt. But I'm not the only one. Sage, you just lost your tie. Cale, you're socks."

"Why is it the girls never seem to loose anything in poker?" Sage's voice asked.

That didn't exactly sound like Gin. It sounded more like strip-poker.

What were they thinking?

"What is that?" Kayura whispered, leaning over to Cale in an attempt to be heard over the still arguing Mia and Doji. Don't those two ever stop?

Sage walked over and supplied the answer. "My hobby. I like to record peoples voices and play them back as a joke. It's like those silly reality TV shows that happen about seventy years from now."

Cale's eyes narrowed briefly.

Kayura, however, noted that the spirits in the room were definitely trying to tell her something right now. It had to do with the topic of conversation, but since there were two conversations going on (one heated and one quiet) she wasn't sure what they wanted.

"Commissioner Doji," Cale interrupted the arguing couple.

"WE ARE NOT A COUPLE!"

"Doji," Cale repeated, "what was Dais in the penitentiary for anyway?"

"Judge Ryo convicted him of murder."

"Interesting."

"Don't go there, Cale," Doji replied hotly, his vein pulsing even more than usual. "Sehkmet committed this murder, and that's that!"

The organ made its presence known. Four to go.

* * *

"Have you noticed we're skipping the commercial this episode?" Kayura asked. She and Cale were back in Mia's bedroom. Cale was eyeing something out the window, refusing to lift his gaze from it. Kayura was sending out her staff's energy to try and sooth all the creepy spirit vibes she was getting from the house. It was almost working. 

"I can only guess that they ran out of things to BS about," Cale replied in a monotone voice.

He'd be right.

"What is so fascinating about that window?" Kayura demanded, her work done.

"Mia's going to find Sehkmet."

"How would you know?" Kayura asked.

"She's supposed to love him in this epidsode."

"She's doing a great job of showing it," Kayura muttered to herself.

Cale ignored her. "Why is completely beyond me. At least it's a better choice than that blond." Certain choking noises off camera filtered in, and just as quickly faded away. Suddenly, his face lit up. "Ah, just like I said."

"What? What?" Kayura got up and walked over to Cale. She hopped up to see over his shoulder, but to no avail. Giving up, she used the staff like a crowbar and pried Cale away from the window. True to his word, Mia was tiptoeing across the backyard toward the cliffs behind it. Did we mention the cliffs? Let us mention them now. See, the house, situated far back from the road, was nestled from a set of cliffs that overlooked the ocean. Mia was headed to the cliffs.

Cale had an arrogant smirk on his face, glad that Lamont Cranston had finally made a good observation. "Well?" he asked.

"Well what?" Kayura replied. She kept watch as Mia disappeared behind some bushes.

"Aren't you going to follow her?"

Kayura stared at Cale. "Why me?"

The grin spread wider. "Well, for one, I'm injured."

"You call that scratch an injury?" Kayura demanded, ready to use her shakujo.

"And for another you haven't been put in any danger. Besides, you're always complaining about not getting any juicy screen time; here's you chance."

Kayura glared at her partner, furious that he had used her own logic against her. Resigning herself, she calmly jumped out the second story window, landing softly. Her staff in hand, she went off into the night as Cale watched her go.

Three to go. The organ rang through the audience and strove to grab their attention. But the audience had grown quite deaf to the thing and instead waited intently for the next scene.

* * *

Sehkmet looked around. Where had the twins dropped him off to this time? It looked like a cave of some sort. Ah, how did he get here? His head hurt. Why did the twins always make him a throbbing set of pain cells? He was so confused at the moment. 

Wait a minute. He was lying in the dirt. That's not very good.

Sehkmet tried to get up, only his head started to spin again.

"What happened," he groaned. What had he done to deserve this?

He was casted.

"Bout time you woke up," growled Dais. "You've been in la-la land since we broke out of the big house."

"Big house?" Where had Sehkmet heard that phrase before?

"It means jail, you snake," Dais bit out. "After that 'everything's jake' line back in the first episode, you set a rather difficult standard for the rest of us. Now that I'm trying to make an attempt to be correct to the times, you don't recognize it. What is with you?"

Sehkmet said nothing, clutching hid head and tried to sit up again, this time succeeding, but at the price of what was originally a minor ache in his head. The twins were going to pay for putting him in this much pain and disorientation. He couldn't wait to get his hands around the twins' throats.

"Jail. The escape. Yeah, I think I remember that," Sehkmet muttered.

"While I was dragging your carcass down the sewers, you mentioned this cave," Dais continued. It sounded like he was shouting. "It's a nice place for hiding. Kinda chilly though, I would have thought that would bother you."

At this point, Sehkmet didn't feel much of anything.

"Well I've gotta find some food," the white haired man drawled on. "I'll be on my way."

Sehkmet was glad for the quiet. His head was still pounding. He needed to sort out a few things. He vaguely remembered Ryo's haunted house, but not much beyond that. Those twins were really going to suffer for this. . .

"SEHKMET!"

There went his eardrums.

"Quiet!" he shouted back. "I can't think straight as it is."

"You snake!"

Oh wait. That was Mia. She was supposed to be in love with him in this episode.

"Mia?" he called out.

"You snake! That one-eyed partner of yours bonked me on the head. How could you let him do that to me? And what about your promise not to hurt anyone again, huh?"

The promise he had made at her grandfather's gravesite.

"I haven't broken my promise," he replied. "Have I?"

"Ryo is dead!"

Sehkmet snapped his head towards her, immediately regretting the action. "What?"

"Why'd you go and do a thing like that?" Mia demanded, sitting down by him. Sehkmet didn't reply, instead holding his head in a vain attempt to stop the throbbing.

"Sehkmet?" Mia's voice softened as she leaned over to examine him.

Ah, how sweet.

Sehkmet made a rude gesture to camera.

Uncultured snake.

Mia ignored the little argument going on and noticed that there was blood behind one of Sehkmet's hears.

"Oh no," she muttered. "You weren't just faking, you really were out of it."

Sehkmet hissed. It took her till now to notice that?

"Great, just like they actually shot Cale. What are the twins thinking? This is too real and dangerous. Thankfully this is the last episode."

Sehkmet only heard one thing.

"Cale was shot? Is he alright?"

"Yes," Mia replied, pulling out a handkerchief and gently dabbing the crack on Sehkmet's head. "He's fine though. Just a scratch. He's such a big baby about it all."

"So, Cale's been shot."

"Yes."

"Ryo's been shot."

"Yes."

"Ryo is dead."

"Yes."

"Is Sage dead as well?"

"I wish."

"HEY!"

Sehkmet winced. "Thanks, Mia," he quietly said. Time to get back to the script. "Did I kill Ryo?" Sehkmet actually didn't know what the script held for him this time, mainly because most of his lines dealt with confusion.

"We don't know," Mia answered honestly. "It looks that way, but I am supposed to believe in your innocence."

Sehkmet's shoulders slumped. "Thanks for your support," he replied sarcastically. "We played in these caves as kids, right?"

"That's what the script says."

"Well, I was always pretty good in these caves," he continued. "I could always tell when someone was coming. Like right now."

Mia whirled around, seeing as Sehkmet didn't really have the head for quick movement at the moment.

"Kayura!"

Sehkmet groaned. Twelve-year-olds. What did he do to deserve this?

"Hush!" Kayura all but shouted. Her shakujo was out and she was approaching cautiously. "The twins don't realize it, but this is a haunted house. I'm trying to keep the spirits calm, but you aren't helping."

Her staff glowed briefly, and the crack behind Sehkmet's ear started to heal. Ah, to be out of pain. What a pleasant feeling.

"Thanks, Kayura."

"Don't thank me yet," Kayura growled. "I just need you two out of here and fast."

"Fine, but I'm taking Sehkmet with me," Mia replied, picking up the script again. "Ryo was forcing me to marry Sage. He was brainwashing me--"

"Mirror!" Ryo's anguished voice cried out.

"--and. I. Belong. With. Sehkmet." She grounded out.

"Tempting as it is," Kayura spat, "I need to keep an eye on everyone to protect them. That means you're coming with me to the house. The spirits here are even more hostile than up at the mansion."

"He owes me another trip to my grandfather's grave," Mia replied.

"Lovely," Sehkmet muttered.

"That ain't the half of it," came Dais's voice. Everyone whirled around. He was standing at the mouth of the cave, pointing a gun to everyone. "Sehkmet, you can't leave just yet. You're my ticket out of this script early."

"Huh?"

"I just called Doji. I give him to you, and I'll be on my way with my paycheck. Then I can start my long list of complaints with the twins about their typecasting me into the villain."

Everyone facefaulted. That wasn't what was supposed to happen! Still, Dais fans thought their hunk looked rather handsome at the moment.

"You buffoon!" Mia yelled. "Don't you get it? That's just what the twins want!"

Ano. . .

"Haven't you noticed at all that in this fic the twins have a self-deprecating humor?"

Mia. . .

"They make fun of themselves!"

Please stop that. . .

"By you going and starting your list of complaints, you're giving them just what they want!"

You're not supposed to give away our secrets. . .

"Are you really so stupid as to let the twins think they can get away with putting you in a fic like this again?"

Mia, please!

"Do you want them to continue this series with excerpts from the serial cliff hanger? Or the movie? This is the end, let it be so!"

A frying pan found Mia's head and she dodged it. However, our point was made and she kept quiet. She forgot that we can listen in to everything. Hehehehehehe.

Anyway, with that monologue out of the way, the rest of the cast got back to what they were supposed to be doing. After all, they wanted out of this fic badly. Without any sequels.

Dais cleared his throat, "So I'm supposed to turn Sehkmet in--"

to what?

"--and get my reward. I'll be on my way after that." Dais herded Mia, Sehkmet, and Kayura out of the cave and onto the path toward the house. "Let's go."

The organ blared, knowing that only two blasts were left.

* * *

Doji's vein was popping. That was never a good sign, because it meant he was experiencing either impatience, frustration, irritation, rage or, as was in this case, a combination of all of the above. He was pacing the house in an increasingly furious manner. He, like Kayura was feeling the restlessness of the house he was in, and to make matters worse, his only company was Ryo's corpse and Sage. The twins' two favorite characters. And he was just thrown into the mix for the hell of it. 

Why him?

Because the twins were evil incarnate. At least that's what he thought.

Of course he's right, but we won't tell him that.

"I heard that."

Spoiled sport. Get to the script.

"Where the hell is everyone?" the Commissioner finally demanded. "Mia's MIA, Kayura's disappeared, and where the hell is Cale? You'd think that uppity amateur crime detective know-it-all would want to be here. You told me he wasn't hurt that badly."

Sage cracked a faint smile. "Who knows? He's always been a little strange; maybe his pride was too wounded for him to be here. That scratch must have stung so much."

Sage suddenly pitched forward, falling face first onto the ground.

"Sudden case of narcolepsy?" Commissioner Doji asked. A grin spread across his face.

"Something hit my head."

"Sure it did." The vein suddenly popped again as a thought reached Doji, and he started pacing again. "And where is that turncoat Dais? I get a phone call saying he's gonna turn in a murderer, and he has the audacity to be late. I should book him just for the heck of it."

"Do that and I'll turn right back." Sage and Doji turned around to see Dais. How he got into the house was anybody's guess. Did he pick the lock?

"I. Did. Not."

Okay, if you say so.

"Shut up!"

Moving on, with him were Kayura, Mia, and Sehkmet, who incidentally was holding his head. Under his breath he was cursing the twins for their shotty directing. The women looked furious, Dais looked smug, and Sehkmet was just trying to keep pace with everything. It felt like he had the mother of all hangovers.

"Here you go," Dais said loftily, shoving the green haired snake over to Commissioner Doji. "Here's the murderer of dear 'uncle' Ryo."

Doji smiled. "Another easy, open and shut case. I need more of those."

"Hmhmhmhmhnnnnnnnnnn," said a low voice. Doji looked around, and Dais just rolled his eyes. Mia and Kayura were a mix of the two. "I agree that this is an open and shut case, Commissioner. Just not the way you think it is."

Doji's vein pulsed and doubled in size. "What the hell are you doing here, Shadow?"

"To point out a few things, Commissioner," the Shadow said lightly.

Realization suddenly dawned on Sage's face. "Damnit, Cale! Er, Shadow! If you're going to hit me, let me see you so I can hit back!"

Yeah, like that was going to happen.

"Don't encourage him!" Sage cried out.

"Methinks the blond doth protest too much," said the Shadow smoothly. "You have witnesses to the murder, correct?"

Doji narrowed his eyes, not knowing where this was going. "Yes..."

"Did it sound like this?" There was the sound of a switch flipping.

_"Sehkmet!" the muffled voice of Ryo filtered through the heavy oak door. "What are you doing! Sek! Sek!"_

_BANG!_

_BANG, BANG!_

"Yes," Kayura said. "It sounded just like that. Exactly like that."

"You're so informative," the Shadow said with his silky voice. "What you just heard was merely a spliced recording. The first part was of an argument between Sehkmet and Ryo. The second part was of the actual murder."

Doji blinked. "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!"

"Of course it is. But it's in the script. It conveniently points out the identity of the murderer."

Doji rolled his eyes, his vein large. "Really? How?"

Kayura pointed to Sage. "Because it's HIS hobby to record stuff. He had the opportunity."

Sage blinked. "You mean I'M the bad guy?"

"Sage," Doji said; an evil smile on his face. "You're under arrest for the murder of your uncle Ryo. Would you like me to read you your rights now or later?"

"I'm what?" Sage blinked again, the information sinking in. Then he jerked to the camera. "IMAGE! This is all your fault!"

So what if it is?

The young murderer's cried were muted as Doji calmly cuffed him, muttering something about resisting arrest being added to the charges. The blond kept his mouth shut, but he continued to glare at the camera. The organ sprang forth, and the audience waited in tense anticipation for the last and final blast.

* * *

Cale and Kayura were again in that spacious and rich looking mansion that Lamont Cranston liked to call home. They sat at opposite ends of a large, intricate sofa. Each had a different paper in their hands, reading with great interest and determined not to talk to each other. 

But if they have any hopes of finishing this last sequence, they have to start talking some time.

Cale started first. "Well, things are going well. Sage confessed to everything, even the embezzlement that originally put Sehkmet behind bars."

"I WHAT?"

Speaking over Sage's voice, Cale continued. "I suspected him after hearing that strip poker recording--" Kayura grinned triumphantly. "--and Mia's now happily traveling with Sehkmet back to her grandfather's grave. There was no way Sehkmet could have killed anyone in the condition he was in, of course."

"Glad someone finally noticed," a certain snake's voice filtered in off camera.

"It was really an easy case."

Kayura suddenly have a smirk on her face. "Yes. It's too bad your ego was damaged in the process to make you realize everything when you did."

"Hey!"

The final organ blast! Yay! The audience is free, they're free! No more torture on screen! Now it's off to the premiere party to try and grab at everyone's respective hunks! Now, off! Go forth and be disturbed by this fic no more!

Why are you still here?

* * *

**The End**


	6. The Movie Chapter 1

**The Shadow**  
Mirror and Image

* * *

_The Movie_

* * *

**Pre Show:**

* * *

The first noticeable difference from the other pre shows was the drastically different location. Instead of a rundown theatre setting with radio show props, the meeting was housed in an opera house. The massive circular size of the amphitheatre made everything echo off the walls and made one very disconcerted.

The second noticeable difference was that the twins, while still in their color coded directors chairs, were decked out in their old armor costumes from when they were doing their Mega- Large- Nameless- Epic- Which- Is- Sometimes- Called- Either- The- Second- Sight- Or- The- Mary- Sue- Series- Or- Saga, sans helmets. Apparently they were assuming that they were going to be ground zero.

Mirror shifted in her chair, re-crossing her armored legs the other way while Image thumbed her script idly with a mechanical pencil. There was a doodle on that margin just waiting to be drawn, now if she could just see it. . .

"Why are we always the ones to first show up?" Mirror asked, making notes on her copy of the script.

"I think it's just to prep the readers in anticipation. We usually comment vaguely on the episode and what it entails. Aha!" She added, clicking her pencil. "There you are, you precious doodle you. Thought you could hide from me, did you? Well, I showed you!"

Mirror rolled her eyes, more than used to her sister. Hey, if you lived with her all your life (minus those 28 minutes apart at the birth of course), you'd be used to her to.

"The same can be said for you, sis," Image mumbled, her face inches from the paper.

Well, just when the twins thought they would have to do the pre show without the cast, said cast finally decided to show up. En masse. More specifically, in chaos. The doors in the back of the audience seats swung loudly open, their noise reverberating off the walls, and in crashed five bishounen, four beseinen, two bishojo, a young old man, a pair of tigers, and a bunch of people if varying states of armor. The object(s) of the readers have finally arrived.

The first to unbury themselves were Kujuurou and Kayura. The pair stormed, stomped, and shook on their way down the aisles and rows of seats to make their way to the stage. Sanada and Date followed close behind, everyone else stringing out after them.

"What the hell are you thinking?" they all demanded to the top of their lungs. The sound was amplified in the opera house amphitheatre, and several head shot around in surprise, not expecting their voices to echo quite so much. Those that didn't care, or weren't bothered by it, kept going. "You said you were done, that there wouldn't be any more episodes of that Shadow, so what the hell s this?"

"It's not an episode," Image said offhandedly, still doodling the doodle she had spotted on the margin of her script. "You've read through it right?"

"It's the movie," Mirror supplied at the many blank looks. "You didn't read the script, did you? Okay, this is a spoof on the Alec Baldwin movie that came out in, what, 94?"

Image looked up. "Woah, 94? I feel old."

"Hey, we're all 30 at the time this was written," Fuan said lightly. "and if you think that's bad, imagine how the Masho here feel."

He was promptly hit in the head by Kayura and her shakujo.

Ryo and a few others flipped through the script, needing more information before they could try and argue with the twins. "The movie didn't have a narrator," he said, looking up.

Mirror cooed dreamily as Image answered the question. "We have a bigger budget for this movie. We figured we'd go all out a little. So you'll be providing the narration for the hearing impaired."

"I thought hearing impaired read subtitles?"

"They do, but we're going to be implanting chips in everybody so, well, you'll see when the show starts."

Many blinks later - including Mirror's - Seiji shot a look to Image, who in turn clicked her pencil again and began to draw it. "I'm playing WHO?" he demanded.

Mirror, seeing Image completely caught up in drawing Seiji's facial expression and not realizing what the expression meant, answered for her sister. "You're playing Claymore."

"WHY?" Seiji asked in a strangled voice. A vein pulsed ever so slightly on his forehead and a few stray hairs popped out. Image quickly pulled out an eraser to compensate.

"Because you'll have a confrontation with Cale later on. The fans will love it, and Image will love it. You don't want to upset my sister, right?" A dangerous glint entered into Mirror's eyes, and several cast members backed away. "You wouldn't want me upset, either," she added.

Why Mirror, I didn't know you had it in you.

That's because you never bothered to notice.

. . . Point taken.

Moving on. The next to, tentatively, raise his hand was the snake eyed Naotoki. "Do I get a lot of driving?" he asked.

The twins nodded adamantly.

The snake grinned evilly, throwing looks to many other cast members.

Suddenly, the white haired Jiro fumed. "I'm the bad guy AGAIN! I'm being typecast AGAIN! You're not SERIOUS!"

Hashiba and Fuan also looked up. "Why am I playing a scientist?" "Why am I playing a guy who's brainwashed?" And then, simultaneously, "Shouldn't that be HIS part?" the pair demanded, pointing to the other. Seeing what they were doing, they naturally had to defend themselves. "No it shouldn't," they said in unison. The pair bickered back and forth over the subtleties of the parts and why the other was better suited.

"That has nothing to do with my problem," the one eyed Jiro exclaimed. "I -"

"Hey," Mouri said. "I show up a couple of times. Why?"

"I don't get much of a part," Nasutei added. "Is that good or bad?"

The white and black tigers growled their displeasure, but Ryo was the only one to speak cat and he was busy making sure he didn't have any cameos he didn't know about. The last thing he wanted was a repeat of the gorilla outfit incident.

"What about -" Jiro tried again

"Wait a second," Mouri added. "Some of these parts you haven't even cast yet. What is that supposed to mean?"

"We KISS?" Kujuurou demanded. Like always, he had flipped to the end of the script. The scarred man promptly paled to an almost transparent color, then flushed to Ryo Red. "This never happened in the radio drama!"

"Of course not. This is the movie," Mirror replied glibly.

"WHAT ABOUT ME?" Jiro demanded.

"What about you?" the twins asked, speaking in unison. "Is there a problem?"

"I'M THE BAD GUY!"

"Yeah."

"WHY?"

"Because you're so good at it. Have you read the script? The part is perfect for you."

"YOU LITTLE - "

Everyone covered his mouth before any platitudes could escape his lips. Everyone recognized the fact that if you ticked off the twins, horrid, horrid things happened. Jiro struggled and caused a small avalanche of people, the crashing sound reverberating, echoing, and amplified in the opera house. The twins looked on blithely.

Kayura got up first. "We kiss?" she asked, echoing Kujuurou's earlier question.

"Do you want us to write it out?" Mirror asked.

"Can you?"

"Sure, we are the authors, aren't we?"

"They why didn't you do that for the radio drama?"

"Because we thought it would be fun."

Kayura sighed.

"Hey," Fuan said. His void bounced of the walls of the amphitheatre. "How come we're here and not the old studio?"

"It's a movie," Image replied. "We got a bigger budget, so we thought we'd use the money well."

"But what good is meeting here?"

"Are you kidding?" the twins asked. "This place is cool!"

Many people rolled their eyes. "That explains the armor, anyway," someone muttered.

"There's no on location shooting, is there?" Kujuurou asked, turning green at the memory of being on a ship.

"I don't know," Mirror said. She snapped her finger and the script disappeared and was replaced with a clipboard. "A lot of the work is still in pre production. We'll let you know as they come up."

"Pre production?" he asked.

"That means that they haven't thought that far," Hashiba answered. Mirror glared at him and made a note on her clipboard.

"How much time for rehearsal?" asked Nasutei. "I assume that with the bigger budget we will have time for rehearsal, right? Not like for the radio drama, right? Right?"

Mirror just grinned, and Nasutei held her head in her hands.

Image scribbled something on her script and flipped over to another, clean page, staring at the margin to see if there was another doodle for her. None appeared, so she looked up. "We did think we'd throw a pre and post production feast to keep you guys motivated," she said. She snapped her grey armored fingers and the stage was filled with tables covered with Japanese and American cuisine.

The entire cast blinked as they stared at the food. Then they realized that an opportunity like this would probably never happen again, so they temporarily turned into a mob to try and get at the food.

Mirror and Image looked at each other.

"Works every time."

* * *

The wealthy young man about town, Cale Sasaki, was not about town. In fact, he wasn't even in the US of A. He wasn't even conscious, though that latter statement was changing. Vaguely, he was aware that he was bumping up and down, like he was in some kind of carriage. What had happened? The last thing he remembered was eating at that party. . .

Cale sat straight up, then immediately regretted the action. His head was pounding. Had the twins spiked something?

The carriage, yes he was in a carriage, stopped, and a flap opened. The flap had been the one supporting Cale, so he fell out of the carriage gracelessly, cursing a blue streak. When he finally managed to get on his feet, he was staring at an obviously painted background of a steep mountain. Was that supposed to be intimidating?

Suddenly, the painting shifted and changed; the clouded peak clearing and giving way to an elaborate European castle. Cale guessed Image was playing with Adobe Photoshop again.

"The clouded mind sees nothing," a crude villager replied to Cale's forgotten lines. He glared the man down, his eye twitching dangerously. The villager tried to maintain, but slowly he turned blue and ran away screaming like a girl. Cale grinned wolfishly. He still had it.

Turning back to the European castle in the painting, he tried to figure out what he was supposed to do. He didn't exactly have time to read the script, let alone study his lines. His knowledge of the film picked up about halfway through.

Sighing, Cale headed toward the painting. There was nowhere else to go and he figured if he hurried, then they would finish early and he would choke the twins that much sooner. A chilled wind blew in from somewhere, meant to have anyone shiver. Cale, of course, took no mind of it and kept on walking. He was inches in front of the painting before the scenes cut.

Inside was impressive. Despite the European looks, the interior was that of imperial feudal Japan. Cale felt right at home. It was only when he was inside that he noticed that he was dressed period appropriate clothing. His silks slid around him comfortably, and Cale noticed that someone had given him a ridiculously fake ponytail. He yanked it out angrily and hid it in his sleeve. There was an odd chanting sound, much like the Gregorian chant in Escaflowne's soundtrack. The twins were mixing their anime? They almost never did that.

He finally reached an immaculately painted fusama. He slid it open slowly, not knowing what to expect. Someone was apparently at the other side; because the door slid open violently. Inside there were many tin cans. Apparently THEY were the ones singing the Gregorian chant, and very well, too. Miracles happen.

Cale made his way in, not sure really what to do, which was probably the point. The tin cans' chanting died away and they retreated, leaving him alone in the great hall of a room. It was dark; so dark that even Cale had trouble seeing. But just as his eyes were starting to adjust, there was a great shaft of light, blinding him. Somewhere, Seiji grinned. Cale reached for his sword and realized belatedly that he did not have one. He was unarmed. Damn those twins!

The light finally faded, leaving the room properly lit. The size was indeterminable as there were fine, light drapes hanging everywhere and swaying in an unseen breeze.

"I assume someone is here?" Cale demanded.

"You shall be my student," a voice whispered. It seemed to come from everywhere, the surround sound, you understand.

"Who are you?"

"Your teacher."

"Where am I?"

That question seemed to anger something. There was a deep, feral growl, and what looked like a gold bullet shot at him. Cale bent backwards, the object just clipping his cheek and eye. Grunting, the blue haired man fell to the ground, feeling the blood trickle down. The object reappeared, shooting over his head and grazing him again. Cale grabbed it. No longer a blur, Cale saw that the gold bullet was really a gold knife with a tiger shaped hilt. The tiger, Byakuen, bit the offending hand and shot away. It landed gently in the hand of a young man with white hair, his kasee pulled low over his eyes.

Cale blinked, blood dripping into his eye. The Ancient was the Tulku?

"I am Kaosu, your teacher," the man said. His monk's robed were spun of silk, and everything about him seemed to glow. "You know what evil lurks in the hearts of men, because for years you have struggled against your own black heart, and lost."

Cale blinked again. What?

"The young fighter striving to become a samurai, laughed at in court, ridiculed by your peers, abused by your betters."

Damn, that was too close to the truth. He had to get out of here.

"You will learn, and learn well. You will learn how to cloud men's minds so that they cannot see you; the only thing to be seen is your darker self, your shadow."

"What is this?" he whispered. "Am I in hell?"

Kaosu grinned.

"Not yet."


	7. The Movie Chapter 2

**Part Two**

* * *

Now that the movie has actually started, now might be an opportune time to mention a few things that the twins did with their much bigger budget. For starters, they were sick and tired of people plugging their ears whenever some particular piece of organ drama came up from the soundtrack. Our answer to this rudeness? Simple. We had little mp3 players implanted into everyone's brain. These microchips were powerful enough to make sure the audience heard even a pin drop at a distance of a mile from the screen. A perfect guarantee that the audience would hear everything and wouldn't miss a thing even if they tried to cover their ears. The audience was going to love this. The twins were certain of it. Of course, the audience didn't know about the mp3 players implanted in their brains. What they don't know can't harm them.

In any case, the soundtrack was better than the radio dramas and guaranteed to be heard. The twins also went all out on the theatre itself. Rather than the modern, sticky-floored, not-enough-room-for-my-legs theater of our current time period, the theatre was decked out in the frill of vaudeville. The seats were well spaced, comfortable and divided into sections that could be easily managed by the ushers. Children were sent to the peanut gallery, a section of the theatre where the children were entertained and served peanuts, a good cheap food that people in the early 1900s could afford. In fact the phrase "Quiet in the peanut gallery!" originated during this time.

Ahem. Mirror, you're going to historical again.

Oh. Sorry, sis.

As I was saying, the seats were comfortable and the place where a stage would normally be was instead a large movie screen with giant deep red curtains surrounding it. But enough about your comfort in the theatre, you want to know about the film.

In his private booth in the theatre, Ryo looked over his lines of narration, and then out to the audience that was awaiting his words. He got really nervous.

"Ah, the price of Cranston's, um, I mean the price of Sasaki's redemption was to take up the fight against criminals. He trained under the Tulku, er, Ancient, ah, Kaosu for several years, learning how to cloud men's minds so that he became invisible, save for the only thing he could not hide - his Shadow, the darker part of himself.

"When his training was complete, Cale Sasaki returned to the most vile and sinful cities the world has ever known, to fight the scourge that infested the city. The city known as 'The Big Apple'."

Happy that his narration was finally done, Ryo let out a long sigh, also grateful he didn't have to worry about a commercial.

* * *

The scene reopened to a blast of the organ, leaving the audience wondering why there was even an organ soundtrack since it wasn't in the original movie. Still, the audience received one hell of a headache from the micro mp3 players in their brains. But before them on the screen was a bridge in New York City. Which bridge was anyone's guess, but it was styled to the 1930s like it was supposed to, so nobody complained. 

Along the damp bridge, gently rolling through the slight fog was an old 30s car, its headlights off. Slowly rolling to a stop, a singular figure stepped out of the car. Said figure was in a pinstripe suit, a dark trench coat, and placing a fedora on his head as he rounded the vehicle.

The camera zoomed in on this face, and instantly many fans in the audience started swooning and cooing, for it was Cye, looking impressively sharp in a suit and tie. More fans in the audience screamed as well when the camera turned its attention to the back seat of the car, in which resided Shuu. The Chinamen of question was also looking handsome in a suit and tie, albeit not quite as expensive looking, and he lacked the hat which made Cye fans drool so much.

Cye tried to look intimidating, but it didn't quite work with his sweet looking face. He did, however, manage to pull Shuu out with little trouble and easily hefted the larger man over to the edge of the bridge. To make such a feat even more impressive, Shuu had his feet stuck in a concrete block and Cye had no assistance whatsoever. He was alone.

"Cye," Shuu asked quietly, unaware his voice was being picked up by the mega-expensive microphone set up the twins had, "do you have your under gear on under those clothes?"

"Undaa giaa?" Cye asked, uncertain he heard Shuu properly..

"In the sub it's under gear. I think for the dub you guys call it sub-armor."

Cye smiled enigmatically. "What do you think? Besides, why did the twins put you in concrete? It's just a version of stone. You should be stronger now."

Shuu raised an eyebrow, but went back to his lines. "No! Please, no!" His acting had actually improved since the radio drama. Somewhat.

"Sorry, bloke," Cye replied, not even trying to suppress his accent. "You chose the wrong ally to look down. Right-o, over you go!" With power and grace, Cye lifted Shuu over the edge with only one arm and prepared to let go.

Suddenly, a chilling laugh filled the cold, damp night air.

The audience, be they Cale fans or not, cheered.

Not liking the apparent shift of power, Cye hefted Shuu back over the edge and deposited him into the pavement rather roughly.

The laughter continued.

"Who's there?" Cye demanded.

Laughter was his response. Evidently, Cale was enjoying watching Cye get ready to throw his best friend over the edge of a bridge.

"Where are you?" Cye cried out, getting freaked by the chilling laughter. Remembering that there was a handy tommy gun in the car, Cye pulled it out of the front and started to fire, though somewhat randomly. Still, Cye fans noticed that their beloved sea-fairing hunk was not aiming unbelievably high like his counterpart in the movie did. If anything, it looked like he'd had some experience with the tommy gun before shooting. Ahem. Before filming the scene. Poor choice of words.

Gun depleted of bullets, Cye laughed to himself. Unfortunately for him, his laughter was soon drowned out by the haunting, ghostly laugh of the unseen voice.

Shuu, meanwhile, having had to duck from gun-wielding Cye, was not feeling very friendly at the moment. So when an unseen hand cracked the concrete at his feet, Shuu was more than happy to deal with Cye himself, rather than letting Cale take all the glory. Shuu soundly beat Cye, though it did appear rather fake, and Cye stuck to his lines.

"I'll confess, I'll confess! Bloody hell, I'll confess!"

Okay, so maybe he went off his lines a little bit. It's all a question of what flows naturally out of someone's mouth. Still, Cye went to his still-intact car (the twins don't have enough money to replace replicas like that even with the larger budget. . .) and quickly drove to the nearest precinct to turn himself in.

Meanwhile, Shuu was huffing in indignation, highly irritated that his role required his best friend to try and kill him, and then that Shuu had to fight his friend. It was extremely frustrating. To make matters worse, Shuu had seen the original movie. Cale was the one who was supposed to do all the fighting not him.

Shuu was interrupted from his exasperation when a black and yellow cab rolled through the light fog, without its lights. The back door opened by itself. Shuu looked around suspiciously, but knew better than to look a gift horse in the mouth. He tentatively got into the cab.

The back seat was spacious and incredibly empty. Shuu looked around. Wasn't he supposed to have company back here? Where was Cale?

"Drive."

Shuu shivered. That was definitely the voice he was expecting, but there was nobody back there. Where the twins altering scripts again?

Oh wait. That meant Sehkmet was driving.

Oh hell.

The cab's lights came up and the cabbie Sekky smiled gleefully as his foot hit the floor. Shuu flew into the back of the seat and was tossed around both sides of the cab until he was so jostled around and disoriented; he had no idea where in the city he was. Once he was convinced that Shuu was clueless as to their location, Sekky slowed down the cab, leaving his passenger looking very green around the gills.

There was a soft chuckle to Shuu's right and he looked up, shocked to see Cale there, dressed in a black overcoat and matching fedora pulled down low. A dark red scarf covered the lower half of the face, leaving visible only a winter blue eye encased in a scar.

"I have just saved your life, Shuu Rei Fuan. It now belongs to me," came the chilling voice that had earlier emanated the laugh that sent all kinds of chills down not only the Shuu's spine, but also the audience as well.

"What the hell?" was Shuu's response. So much for his lines. "I've been tossed all around this seat, and there was _nobody_ back here! Where the _hell_ did you come from?"

Shuu paused, the words of the Shadow finally sinking in.

"How the _hell_ did you save my life? I did all the work!"

"And who do you think freed you from that concrete?" Sekky hissed from in front. "Show a little gratitude."

Shuu bristled and was about to say something rather disparaging, when the chilling voice interrupted, saying his lines from the little book hidden in his gloved hands. "You, Shuu Rei Fuan, are a professor of metallurgy at NYU. You will now become one of my agents, like thousands of others all over the world."

"What?" Shuu retorted, a weight of dread landing heavily on his shoulders.

"When you hear one of my agents say 'The moon is rising,' you will reply--"

"'But the snow is falling'," Sekky finished.

"You're the Shadow. How'd you know about. . ." Shuu whispered, sounding like he was doing a hell of a good job in acting. Either that or he really was scared witless. Cale can do that sometimes.

The Shadow turned slightly, fixing Shuu in the stare of both of his winter blue eyes. The large Shuu shrank in his seat, uncertain as to what was to happen.

"The Shadow knows." The Shadow laughed.

Sekky pulled up to the curb and Shuu fell out of the cab, backing away in leaps and bounds. The cabbie calmly walked over and helped Shuu to his feet, sliding a ring onto the Chinaman's finger.

"That's the _Shadow_!" Shuu whispered in awe. "I mean I've heard about it on the radio, but I didn't think he existed--"

"He doesn't," Sekky confirmed.

"Eh?" Shuu turned to the cabbie looking perplexed and so adorable, Shuu fans in he audience voiced massive amounts of approval.

Sekky merely winked in response and offered a smile that made Sehkmet fans in the audience start rivaling Shuu fans in amount of approval.

"Have a good evening," Sekky offered, climbing back into his cab.

Shuu simply nodded dumbly.

Sekky eased the cab away from the curb and once more let his foot drop to the floor.

"Where to, Mr. Sasaki?"

The camera swiveled to the back seat where there was no longer the Shadow. In the Shadow's place was Cale Sasaki, wealthy young man about town. His wide brimmed fedora had been traded for a curve rimmed hat that the twins didn't know the name of. The black trench coat was now a simple black wool overcoat, and where a deep red scarf once was, was instead a plain white formal scarf.

"The Cobalt Club."

The organ once more hurt the heads of the audience

* * *

"You're, some kind of mystery, a sweet kind of myste-ry. Gotta get you, close to me, so I can figure out what this mystery's abo-ut, yeah." Nasutei's voice was pretty as she sang, accompanying the music perfectly. Sadly, however, her song could not be heard over the din. Why?

The Cobalt Club was a bar.

The population of the bar was dressed very nicely, you would think they were in a night club. But it was, indeed, a bar; complete with stools, beer, saltines, dim light, and a thick cloud of smoke. Cale coughed as he entered, not expecting such a high prevalence of carcinogens. Were the twins trying to give him lung cancer?

Well no, if he had bothered to pay attention in wardrobe, there was a little button on the inside of his lapel that would generate a small bubble of pure oxygen around him. Everyone else in the bar who wasn't smoking were breathing just fine because of similar devices. Coughing again, Cale handed his coat, hat, and scarf to the hostess, revealing a sharp tuxedo. Many, many fans in the audience cheered, the voices overbearing even the mp3 players. Impressive.

Cale confidently walked through the narrow spaces between tables until he found an adequately lit booth housing another man in a tux: Commissioner Doji. His tux was the crisp white of high society, with a red cummerbund that matched his hair color exactly. The already cheering audience doubled their volume as even more fans joined in. The popping vein temporarily placed in a protective case and eating a rich steak and enjoying it, he motioned for Cale to join him.

"You were obviously taking your sweet time; I figured I'd order without you. The excuse this time?" Doji asked.

"There was an. . ." Cale glanced at his booklet, "accident on the bridge." He grinned blithely and took his seat.

"I recommend the steak and the venison," Doji said. He debated taking out his popping vein, but decided against it. "Will there ever be a time we you ARE on time?"

Cale grinned enigmatically, a facial expression he was getting good at. "Sorry uncle Doji, I got caught up."

On cue, a petite young thing in a stunning white dress entered the bar. Her mass of blue hair was pulled up into an intricate set of waves and curls and she walked elegantly to the table the hostess showed her to, conveniently in full view of the two biseinen in tuxes.

Both Cale and Doji were openly staring. No one had expected the twelve year old Lady Kayura to look so. . . ladylike. It took several moments for either young man to compose themselves. Doji was first, because officer Ryo (another man in uniform! Drool.) quietly approached the Commissioner and handed him a slip of paper.

"Cops and Robbers?" Cale asked, pulling his eyes away from Kayura and glancing at his script.

"Another report of that damn Shadow. Duke Cye confessed to the murder of an officer, and is asking for some kind of protection from that damn specter." Doji pulled out his popping vein and placed it delicately on his forehead. "I'm sick of that freak meddling in police affairs. By this time tomorrow, I'll have assembled a task force for the vigilante."

Cale rose his eyebrow, leaning back in his chair. The smoke was filling his lungs, but he choked it down and grinned. His face suddenly fell in shadow, the only thing visible were his winter blue eyes. A violin played started a high pitched, eerie chord and a wolfish grin spread across Cale's face.

"You're not going to appoint a task force," he said softly, if somewhat hoarsely.

Doji blinked. "Hell with it. I'm not going to appoint a task force."

"You're not going to pay any attention to these reports of the Shadow," Cale said slowly.

"Ignore them entirely."

"There is no Shadow."

"No, of course there isn't. If there were, I'd be Eleanor Roosevelt."

Hypnotism done, Cale leaned forward and promptly entered a hacking fit. All that cigarette, cigar, and pipe smoke was taking their toll. He wiped his watering eyes, however, and allowed himself to grin smugly as Doji just stared at him blankly.

"What's so funny?" he asked, no comprehension of what had happened at all. Although, for some strange reason, he kept having visions of himself in an Eleanor Roosevelt dress. Had he said something stupid?

"Nothing," Cale waved off, coughing the last of the smoke out of his lungs and trying not to breathe deeply.

". . ." Doji didn't believe him. "Where were we?"

"According to the script, you were about to tell me about her," Cale said, pointing vaguely to Kayura.

"Lady Kayura Hashiba," he said disdainfully. He pulled at the sleeves of his cuffs as he continued. "Now there's a strange one. Her father works for the war department, a complete nerd--" ("Hey!") "--and is always going on about sub atomic something or others. Now Kayura, she hears voices; that's what they say. Violent girl, she is. Whack job if you ask me; they should lock her up in an insane asylum and give her a lobotomy. You know; that operation where they stick a spoon up your nose and just sort of mush around up there? Now that might do her some real good." Off screen, Kayura wished desperately her shakujo were with her so that she could whack HIM one.

Cale, suffocating under the smoke and still not remembering the oxygen button, was starting and turning blue. Doji saw it and commented, "What the hell do you see in her?"

A waiter with a Red Cross band on his arm came over and touched the button under Cale's lapel. The oxygen rushed to his lungs and he gasped hoarsely. "I though I was going to die!"

* * *

Kayura riffled through the menu, looking for something to strike her interest. She had a particular taste right now, but she couldn't find the item listed. This wasn't really the bar for it, anyway.

"Excuse me ma'am," said the waiter with the Red Cross band.

"Yes, I'd like--"

"The Champagne de la Montaigne de L'Eau, 1928."

Kayura blinked. That had been what she had wanted to order.

"From the gentleman."

Kayura blinked again, furious that she was acting so clueless. "Gentleman?"

"Cale Sasaki." The lady turned to the new voice to see the full shot of Cale in a tux. Fans were still drooling and Kayura had to admit even she was impressed. Some people cleaned up really well. Then she realized that he had made an assumption about what she had wanted and order for her. The nerve! Women were not so simple minded! He had been right, of course, but that wasn't the point! How dare a man presume to know what she wanted?

"May I have a seat or not?" Cale asked smoothly. His acting had greatly improved, even if his memory for his lines did not.

Kayura grimaced ever so slightly, but motioned him to join her. It wasn't like she wanted to be here anyway, she thought, she was much more in the mood for something traditional.

"You know," Cale said as he poured the champagne. "I have this sudden, inexplicable craving for a traditional Japanese meal."

Kayura stared. He did it again! How dare he!

Before she knew it she was kneeling at a proper Japanese restaurant, and Cale was ordering for her. In Japanese no less!

"Hai, gyudon to tatsuta. Hai, sake. Domo arigatoo." The waiter bowed and departed to place the orders.

Cale flashed a quick grin to the camera, knowing full well that the audience was swooning over his Japanese, and then looked expectantly at Lady Kayura. He did like that dress; he wondered how Nasutei or maybe Luna or Naria would look in it.

"I see your mind is still in the gutter," Kayura said loftily, "so much for all your claims of innocence when you saw poor Mia in that red leather."

Cale took his turn to blink. How did she know what he was thinking?

"Oh, I'm not really sure," Kayura said, unable to hide the smugness from her voice. "It hasn't happened in a really long time. When I was a child I used to know when my father was going to come home and I'd always open the door right before he would. I'd also know whenever we were going out; just pick the thoughts right out of his head." She paused. "Is something wrong?"

Cale had a look not unlike sheer terror on his face, his posture subconsciously backing away, as if even that small amount of distance would save him. He still wasn't up to the part where he knew what was going on, you see, and the idea of Kayura poking around in his head was something he did NOT want to consider.

Kayura smirked oh so slightly as she waited for their orders.

* * *

Sekky screeched to a halt, sliding the cab right into a parking space along the curb with inches to spare. Even from outside the car, the audience could see him grinning manically.

Cale and Kayura, in overcoat and furs, crawled gratefully out of the car. They stood on the curb awkwardly, neither one really wanting to say their lines. Finally, they shook hands and Kayura left as Cale stared at the cab wearily before climbing back in.

"It ain't like you to jump a girl, Mr. Sasaki," Sekky said lightly.

"No, it ain't, I mean isn't. I have no intention there of, believe me. But I have to follow the damn script."

* * *

Cale's mansion home was dark except for one lit fireplace. Cale, his tux only halfway off (fan service!), was sprawled on an expensive and luxurious couch, a wine glass filled with sake in his hand. He was sleeping. 

Well, he was supposed to have a dream sequence, but even the twins mess up once in a while. The fireball from the fireplace never ignited, so the audience never got to see a one eyed face laughing snidely. On the contrary, the fireplace died away, and the fan people turned the wind on too high. The glass of sake did catch fire, however, and exploded with much too much power. Cale yelped and leapt from the comfort of the couch and clutched his burned hand.

"What the hell are you two doing?" he demanded. "Are you trying to kill me?" He stormed to the camera, his eyes wide in anger.

But, much to the audiences confusion (if they weren't confused already) and consternation, the scene cut.

The twins were shocked too. That wasn't the cut they had approved for print. Who was in charge of editing? Hmm, a mystery to figure out.

* * *

The scene reopened to Mukara and Naria walking down a large cavernous room holding huge skeletons of dinosaurs and ancient beasts long extinct.

"I would have thought that it was a sarcophagus from Egypt, and that the shipping label was wrong."

Mukara turned his tiger-blue eyes to Naria, a snowy eyebrow raised.

"Exactly," the woman replied. "However, Tibetan sarcophaguses are made of stone, not solid silver."

Naria and Mukara entered into the back room of the museum. There were large wooden crates and displays meant to go into the museum all around, and only one guard, looking quite handsome and dashing in uniform. Turning to see Mukara, the guard automatically put on his red and white under gear and took a defensive posture. Mukara, in turn, pulled out his massive black crystal boomerang and dropped into a fighting stance.

"Mirror!" Ryo cried out. "Just because you saw Kikoutei Densetsu this weekend doesn't mean you have to put me in front of Mukara! You know how dangerous that is!"

Mukara offered a soft smile and adjusted his stance. Ryo shifted as well, uncertain what was to come.

Placing her hands on her hips, Naria stepped between them. "This is not a fighting sequence. Neither of you have to raise your fists."

Mukara and Ryo stared at each other for a long time. Meanwhile, neglected in the background, was the rather ugly looking coffin that Naria and Mukara were discussing prior to the raised testosterone level in the room. Said sarcophagus was rattling very loudly, trying to draw attention back to itself, since it was supposed to be the focal point of the scene. It was, of course, failing miserably, since the audience was more focused on the drama of Ryo and Mukara and who would back down first.

Speaking of which. Still staring each other down, Naria shook her head and decided to take matters into her own hands. She walked over to the handsome Mukara and merely hugged an arm. Mukara blinked silently, and looked down to the woman. His eyes softened and he quietly said, "Naria," the only word in his vocabulary. As he lowered his boomerang, Ryo dropped back into his guard's uniform, still looking incredibly handsome. Face it. Men look good in uniform.

Glancing down at her clipboard, which conveniently had her lines, Naria continued. "When you read the inscription on the sarcophagus, then we see that it's the silver coffin of Genghis Khan." She looked back up to Mukara, still hugging his arm tightly. "I believe we should go make a phone call. The guard can handle this. Who would steal from the Museum of Natural History? Least of all from the back room."

Mukara smiled softly and placed a hand on Naria's cheek and nodded. Arm in arm, they left to room, leaving Ryo all by his lonesome with a creepy crypt and the pissed occupant within. Of course, the sarcophagus was still making a very loud fuss, but Ryo was steadfastly ignoring it. Instead, he knew he was supposed to hum or sing some sort of song appropriate for the 1930s, however, he didn't know of any songs from that time period. So what did he start to hum? Hoono no Soldier, his image song from the Kimi o Nemurasenai CD.

Now pissed beyond measure, the occupant of the creepy crypt started to really rattle the coffin in question. Ryo continued to sing, finishing Hoono no Soldier, and moving on to Rainy Lazy Morning, and handled some of the paperwork that seemed to be on a small desk that he guessed he was supposed to take care of. Meanwhile, the cantankerous casket threw a hissy fit, finally flinging its doors open and spewing forth smoke. From inside the terrifying tomb stepped somebody dressed in a rather spider-like armor, with a mask covering his face save for his solitary eye. Of its own volition, the mask receded into the helmet, revealing a one-eyed white-haired man, for which many members of the audience started to coo.

Ryo was barely impressed with any of this. Turning to one of the exhibits, Ryo pulled a katana from a samurai display and once more took a fighting stance. "Excuse me," he said politely, capturing the attention of the intruder and the audience. A small vein pulsed by the ornate helmet, showing the characters displeasure at loosing center stage. "This is private property. You are not allowed to come in here. You'll leave the premises now, or you'll be forcibly removed."

Wow. Ryo remembered all of his lines and delivered them with grace and power. Maybe we should put him in front of the camera more often.

Ryo turned to the camera and replied, "I prefer being the narrator, thank you." He offered a winning smile. "You understand, don't you, Mirror?"

Shojo bubbles filled the audience, the screen and the scene where Ryo and Rajura were trying to act. Ryo simply kept smiling and Mirror kept bubbling. The audience started to drown in bubbles and the den where Mirror was typing was overrun with them, forcing Image to come in, pull Mirror from the keyboard and resume the scene.

Several burst bubbles and massive resuscitation later, Mirror was once more placed in front of the keyboard, the audience could see the screen, and Ryo and Rajura were doing their scene.

Rajura smiled coldly towards Ryo. "You're not that muscle bound mountain, but you'll suffice," he replied, getting into his role of a megalomaniac. Rajura pretended he was holding a sword and moved his hands like he was moving the sword.

Ryo, following the script, flipped the sword in his hand, pointing the blade his stomach.

"You will now commit seppuku," Rajura whispered in a hypnotic tone.

Ryo fans screamed indignation.

Ryo turned, winked at the camera, pointed the sword out of harms way, and pretended to disembowel himself. Rather poorly we might add. Too bad, he was doing such a good job. He's much better as a narrator. Truly.

Ryo let loose a small sigh of relief.

Rajura laughed loudly, his armor dissolving into cherry blossoms, leaving him dressed in fine Chinese silks, which many in the audience ardently appreciated.

Having heard something going on, Mukara and Naria, who were once more in the cavernous dinosaur room, looked to each other and rushed to the back room. There, they discovered Ryo's crumpled form on the floor and a pool of ketchup around him.

"Oh!" Naria cried out. "How could this have happened? We were only gone for a moment!"

Mukara glared at Ryo's body, then whirled around, boomerang in hand and glared at a Chinese display of Mongol warriors. Fortunately for Rajura, whatever Mukara sensed was long gone. The African's face hardened to a feral expression. With a singular swing, the Mongol display was destroyed.

"Mukara!"

The organ blasted the audience with their implanted mp3 players as the scene cut.

* * *

The scene faded open to what could only be described as a chemistry lab. There were test tubes everywhere, along with beakers, Bunsen burners, spirally tubes, and labeled jars. In the center of all this was a metallic sphere with tiny little squarish bumps on it. It was held up by what looked like fancy electrodes, and hunched over it was Professor Hashiba. Thin framed glasses were dangling off his nose as he poked and prodded at the commodity and took notes on a stained notepad.

"I can't believe those twins. Image is always declaring that I'm her favorite. You'd think that would count for something when she and Mirror decide to cast these stupid things. But no, I'm almost always some kind of weak, cowardly villain. I think she likes to watch me suffer." Seiji, of course, was also in the lab, and pacing away as he vented his frustration. "Ryo can smile his way out of anything. Even a sideways glance and those stupid bubbles suffocate everyone. Not so with Image. I can smile and wink all I want, nothing. I glare and seethe, and then the sugar falls. Of course, then nothing comes of it."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, Ryo gets all the luck. You've been complaining about it for over an hour." Rowan touched one of the bumps on the sphere, somehow causing an electric shock. He yelped and jerked his hands away. "What the hell is this, anyway?"

Seiji looked over. "You don't know?"

"Does it look like anything to you?"

"No, of course not."

Rowan sighed heavily. He flipped through his clipboard until he found his script for the scene. ". . . Oh."

"Anyway." Seiji pinched his nose and took a deep breath. "If you would listen to me," he said, falling into character, "the military applications are amazing. If you would listen to me then the world would be our oyster, our sushi, and our rice."

"I don't like the army," the Professor muttered, resuming work on the sphere.

"Then why are they financing us?" Seiji asked lightly.

"Because you talked me into it," Rowan replied.

"I see you're not in a talking mood." Seiji shrugged his shoulders. "I'm going back to my lab. My beryllium sphere will obviously provide better conversation."

"It looks better than you, too," Professor Hashiba threw over his shoulder. Seiji glared menacingly, by now oblivious to the sugar falling lightly in the theatre, and stormed out.

Out side, he passed Luna and the ghost of her dead brother. The pair were standing guard at the door to Rowan's lab. He nodded to them and walked stiffly down the hall. As he did, the elevator at the end of the hall opened to reveal the gowned lady Kayura. Even Seiji, who had been forced to see his fair share of women in fanfiction, was appreciative of the dress.

The two met halfway down the hall and stopped.

"I see you actually do have a bust," Seiji said, "even if it is very small."

The pointy end of the shakujo found itself deeply imbedded in Seiji's face. It was a miracle it didn't protrude from the other side. Kayura huffed and puffed and stormed down the hall towards Luna and her dead brother. Seiji, finally extricating the staff, glowered and continued down to his lab. Kayura ignored him as she entered Professor Hashiba's lab.

"I see that Date said something offensive," Rowan said without looking up. He continued tinkering.

"I don't know what Image sees in that freak," Kayura fumed. "He's such a pretty boy. And what on earth makes a guy who barely is old enough to be my brother be my father in this stupid movie."

"Me?" Rowan asked, pushing his glasses up his nose. "Oh, I don't know. Depending how you look at it, I could be your great, great, great grandson."

Kayura leveled her patented glare at him, and he paled. "It's too bad I left the staff in Seiji's face. I'd use it on you."

"His face?" Rowan grimaced at the very thought. "I'd hate to think what you'd do to a guy you never met before."

"Oh, him," Kayura said. She made a face. "He had his mind in the gutter too. It can't be helped, I suppose. I'm just so beautiful that guys can't help but want to bet me."

"You have a high opinion of yourself." Professor Hashiba wrote something down quickly before continuing. "So what'd what's-his-name try to do? Get in your dress?"

"Oh, you know men," Kayura sniffed. She took a seat in a cushioned chair that had no business being in a science lab. Rowan pushed his glasses onto his head and looked on enviously, shifting on his uncomfortable stool.

"So," Rowan said. "Did he get very far?"

Kayura blinked, shocked. "What kind of question is that?" she demanded. "He was a complete jerk, totally presumptuous and entirely took self assured and cocky."

"Hm. A good match."

Kayura threw something at him before the camera cut.

* * *

Suzunagi pulled her cab over to the curb for her passenger. "Are you sure this is where you want to get out?" she asked. "There's nothing here."

The elaborately clothed Rajura only smiled, his one eye shining. As he looked through the script, he began to realize that he, grudgingly, liked this character. Shi Won Khan had brains, foresight, and a lot of power behind him. He wasn't the weak villain of the week that Rajura usually played. He had vocabulary, some wit, and a certain sense of style. And he certainly wasn't turning into a gorilla.

Rajura stepped out of the cab and looked around. Yes, indeed he was where he was supposed to be. He glanced down at the cab, the driver so beneath his notice. That is, until he saw that the little redheaded girl was writing down the address of his stop.

"What are you doing?" he asked in a low voice. Many fans in the audience sighed dreamily.

"Marking the 'drop off' point." Suzunagi was sitting on a dictionary in order to be level with the steering wheel. Heaven knows how she was able to reach the gas and break petals.

"You are making a note of my destination?" Rajura asked, grinning at his brilliant delivery. He was starting to over annunciate again.

"Taxi commissioner's rules," Suzunagi explained.

Rajura's one eye widened slightly, his face falling in shadow. "You need fuel," he dramatized, his voice dropping in pitch.

Suzunagi looked at the fuel gauge. It was full. "Yeah, I do." She looked up, seeing a convenient gasoline truck a block away pulling into a service station. "Nice timing," she said, smiling brightly. She turned to Rajura, "Thanks."

She miraculously floored the gas and made a beeline to the tanker. Only too late did the mind control wear off and she realized what was about to happen. The old rage asserted itself, and she shouted, "I'll send you Troopers to the grave! I'll kill you for killing me, even if there isn't a Noh script to follow!"

Oh, dear. I see a repeat of Message in our immediate future for doing that. Although, that is an interesting idea, doing Message for the Masho. Hmmm. . .

"Image!" Rajura shouted. "Stick to the fic at hand!"

Sorry! Sorry!

Rajura pursed his lips in annoyance, eliciting many dreamy gazes from the audience, before putting on a perfect smile and walking calmly, with purpose, to an empty lot.

Why an empty lot? That's for us to know and you to find out.

There the scenes done. Happy now, Rajura?

"Quite."

* * *

Commissioner Doji had his pulsing vein on and it was pulsing with a fury. At Doji's feet was Ryo's "corpse", a blanket over his head in respect for the dead. Photographers were everywhere, some for newspapers, some for police files. The reason Doji's vein was beating so hard? The incompetence of his own police force. He could already tell that this was going to be a botched investigation. The fact that reporters were already on the scene merely added to the dread he was feeling. To make matters worse, Doji was stuck with all the extras, which were, as always in one of the twin's productions, the tin can soldiers. No intelligent conversation at all. Not that much of the cast could provide interesting insights on things like the meaning of life, _any_thing was better than nothing.

Shuten blinked. He thought he had spied a police uniform that didn't belong to an armored tin can. In fact, the uniform his saw belonged to the smaller figure of a woman. Oh that would be so nice if it was true.

Seeing a chance to burst away from the soldiers around him, Shuten trailed after the woman he thought he had seen. Calling upon his four hundred years of experience, he shadowed the shadow and was pleasantly surprised to see that the nice figure that he had seen was Nasutei, looking very nice in uniform. In the back of Shuten's mind, he noted that a female cop in the 1930s was probably extremely out of place, but he didn't really care. The twins tended to be rather selective in how accurate they were or weren't. 

Quickly, he strode up to the lovely young woman and offered his arm. "Ah, Officer Yagyu. So nice to see you. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Nasutei gave him a bright smile that warmed the cold New York day. We did mention this fic was taking place during late fall/early winter, didn't we? In any case, Shuten returned the smile.

"Yes, Commissioner. I was just about to make a delivery for a friend of mine. Perhaps you could join me?" Nasutei took the offered arm and snuggled up to his side, sending a bright blush up said commissioner's cheeks. Together they walked through the crowded streets until they reached an old office building that was starting to fall into disrepair.

"You have to make a delivery here?" Shuten asked incredulously. "It seems rather odd."

Nasutei smiled softly. "My grandfather wanted me to give this to a friend of his. An old college friend from my understanding of it. He didn't make that much of a success as my grandfather."

Shuten raised an eyebrow, but accepted the answer.

Pulling out a pristine white envelope, Nasutei slid it into the mail slot of the door, the camera focusing on a ring that looked suspiciously like the ring that Shuu had received from the Shadow earlier on in the movie. "So, Commissioner, perhaps we should break for breakfast."

"Sounds lovely," Shuten replied, leading her back down the hall.

The paper, meanwhile, began a long journey through the pipe it had been placed in. Picture every roller coaster and water slide ever made in existence combined into one large extravaganza, including pieces that even went into orbit before returning to the big apple and happily sliding to a halt in front of a communications guy that looked suspiciously like Cye. The audience ignored the fact that Cye wasn't supposed to have any more scenes and instead appreciated his cameo.

Cye opened the note, and read it. How was a mystery to the audience, since there was nothing on the paper. However, Cye seemed to deem it important, and reached over, clicking an unidentified device. A small black-red jewel like that of the rings Shuu and Nasutei were wearing glowed briefly.

* * *

Cale adjusted his tie in the mirror, or rather, with Mirror's help.

"Damned western clothes. I can never get these damn things right."

"Could be worse," Mirror offered, finally tightening his tie. "It could be a tux. Then we'd be in a jam since I can't do bowties. Give me the bowtie algorithm instead. That I can work with."

Cale smartly decided not to ask what that obscure geometry reference was. The twins and their knowledge of mathematics and computers tended to be as obscure sometimes as the other little factoids they had collected over their lives.

He glanced back at Mirror--no _the_ mirror and noticed that a ring on his finger was glowing, the black-red jewel softly pulsing.

"Hey," he asked. "Is this supposed to mean something?" Turning, Cale wasn't all that surprised to see that the twin was gone. It looked like it was going to be that kind of day.

* * *

Sekky, meanwhile, was taking a corner with two wheels and grinning madly. In the back seat, Image and Seiji were clinging to each other, praying that they wouldn't die. Image wondered briefly why Mirror decided to put her and Seiji in this scene, but that thought was pushed from her mind as Sekky barreled through a red light, barely missing at least three cars.

_Skreeeeeeeeeee_.

Another turn on two wheels.

Sekky let the car fall back down to all four and crashed through a back alley as a short-cut to the next scene that Seiji was supposed to be in. He happened to glance down when he noticed that the ring on his hand was glowing and pulsing slightly. Seeing as how Sekky was one of the few members of the cast to have actually studied the script, he knew what this meant.

The tires squealed as he braked in the middle of the street. Turning to his two passengers, he said only one word. "Out."

Image and Seiji looked to each other, then to Sekky.

Both bowed. "Domo arigatoo gozaimasu."

Both scrambled out of the car.

* * *

Mirror had completely disappeared, so Cale was left meandering about his humble mansion in search of a clue as to what the glowing ring meant. Finding none, he glanced outside to see Sekky pulling into his property. Oh, that's what it meant. Sighing, Cale grabbed his little leather booklet that contained his lines. Maybe if he wasn't tossed around too much, he could find out a little bit about the first half of the movie.

Yeah right.

Clinging to the small hope, he grabbed his hat and overcoat and went to meet Sekky.

"Where to, Mr. Sasaki?" Sekky asked, looking at his boss in the rearview mirror.

Cale glanced at his booklet. "To the Sanctum."

"Okey dokey." Sekky floored the gas and shot out onto the street like a bat out of hell. Completely ignoring the newly invented streetlights, he twisted and turned as he damn well pleased; elated with all the driving he was getting in this movie. Cale tried very hard to ignore it all, to find that happy place where he knew all his lines and what the hell was going on. It wasn't working.

After a good fifteen minutes of this hell, Sekky screeched to a halt. "We's here!" he said brightly.

Cale crawled out of the cab, keeping his stomach down by sheer willpower. On shaky legs, he looked around, trying to figure out where the hell he was. Autumn leaves had long since blown into piles on the street, partly decomposed and rattling in a slight breeze. Sekky had thrown him to some kind of alley. Extras walked this way and that, paying the narrow strip between two brick buildings no mind. Peering down, Cale saw an old fashioned fire escape, some garbage cans, and more piles of leaves. Looking around the street, Cale noticed all the buildings were packed together, some of them only inches apart. As near as he could tell, this was the only alley on the entire block.

A bright yellow neon light suddenly popped in front of Cale's line of sight, the large arrow pointing directly to the alley. Not the most subtle hint in the world, but Cale knew the consequences of not taking the hint.

Trying to look for the world like he had every business to do so, Cale walked down a leaf strewn alley. He got as far as the fire escape before the yellow arrow asserted itself again, this time pointing to an odd protrusion on a fire escape. Examining it, Cale couldn't figure out how the protrusion was important. He looked expectantly to the neon arrow.

The arrow changed shape to that of an oscillating lever before disappearing. Blinking, Cale looked suspiciously at the fire escape, and fiddled with the protrusion. It clicked to the left and slightly up, causing a series of mechanical sounds and causing Cale to jump back in surprise. The back of the alley, originally a brick wall with an arched window, lifted and fell away, the sewer grate lowering into a set of steps and a stairwell that lead deep into the brick edifice.

"Cool."

Cale stepped down into the stairwell to find the yellow arrow pointing to a more obvious looking lever. Pulling it, the disguised entrance to the Sanctum closed behind him, and as he navigated his way down the steel spiral staircase, massive rusted iron walls lift themselves to reveal the entirety of the Sanctum.

The Sanctum was actually quite plush. Rich oriental rugs and plush leather seating, as well as a well stocked liquor cabinet, gun rack, and what looked like a 1930s computer terminal, were arranged in perfect fun shui placement. The terminal was flashing, so Cale made that his first stop. There were a lot of fancy buttons and tubing, looking as fake as anything someone in the thirties could come up with when designing the yet-to-be invented computer. The neon arrow was again pointing to things, and with its help Cale was able to pull and push the right combination of levers and buttons. A television screen, for lack of a better word, popped open to reveal Cye, reading shojo manga.

"Report," Cale said, looking at his booklet.

"Agent reports apparent suicide of museum guard," Cye said. Then he reread the words. "Ryo? Dead? . . . Again?"

"So?" Cale asked blithely.

Cye looked appalled, but stuck to his lines. "Agent advises inquiry," he bit out, looking furious.

Cale only grinned. "Understood."

"Wait, what are you goi--" Cye was cut off as Cale turned him off and swiveled in his plush leather chair. He was just about to inspect what was in the liquor cabinet when the air changed. Cale straightened and stood up, determining where the change was coming from. The stairwell. Cale turned around and saw a shadowed figure, cloaked in Chinese silks and furs.

"And lo, the villain makes his grand appearance to the lowly hero," Rajura intoned. He walked down the staircase, smiling smugly.

"Who are you?" Cale asked slowly.

"It's funny. I thought you were taller," Rajura said. In the light, one could see that his furs and silks, even his eye patch, were of the finest material. His white hair was pulled back into an immaculate braid.

"Look who's talking," Cale retorted. "Who are you."

"Rajura Won Khan. The last descendant of Genghis Khan. You are of course, deeply honored."

Wait. That line sounded familiar. Was the movie finally approaching the part Cale actually knew? Cale strove to remember, meanwhile being cordial. "Have a seat. Have a drink."

"I will," Rajura said grandly. He took the seat Cale had just been sitting in, looking for the world as if he owned it. It's amazing how much better a man can act when he actually likes the character. He looked expectantly at Cale. "Surely, I am not expected to serve myself, am I? I'll have the best sake you have."

Cale resisted the urge to say something and moved over to the liquor cabinet. The twins, while not drinkers of alcohol, obviously used that bigger budget to get the best of everything. Cale let out a low whistle before picking out the sake. Ah! They even had the little porcelain cups! How thoughtful. Cale began to pour while also looking at his booklet. He was under the impression this was an important scene. Skimming his lines, he found that it was. For once moderately prepared, he picked up the cups and handed one to the lazily impatient Rajura.

"Here. Now," Cale said, leaning against a desk. "You didn't happen to stop by the museum last night, by any chance, did you?"

Rajura grinned, really into the role, and took a small, polite sip. "This is fine quality. So was the museum. A marvelous collection of Tibetan tapestries. The guards, however, were not very bright."

"I see." Cale inwardly grimaced. Rajura was doing much too good a job of acting. He would have to do something about it.

"You know, I know who you are," Rajura said expansively. "I don't mean this poorly dressed man about town, or even that ridiculous excuse of a pseudonym you use. I know who you REALLY are. Anubisu."

Cale stiffened. "I'm sorry?"

"As dull as you seem to be, I must confess, I am something of an admirer of your work. The attack on the village of Sekigahara? I studied it. Ah," Rajura said as Cale's eyes widened. "I see you remember. What a brilliant raid. Subtle and powerful, full of grace and intelligence. You would never know it looking at you now."

Cale gritted his teeth but said nothing. Rajura was getting under his skin, but he'd die before he showed it. He tried to switch gears. "How did you get in here?" he asked, hopefully lightly.

"Still dull," Rajura lamented. Wow, he was getting good at this. "Surely you realize that you are not the only one with the ability to cloud men's minds?"

Cale resisted the urge to comment on the belittling very strongly. "You were a student of Kaosu." It was a statement, not a question.

"A fine man," was the expansive reply. "But he could not turn me quite as easily as you."

Of their own volition, Cale's eyes widened as the words sunk in. He back away, ever so slightly, to the gun rack. "Why are you here?"

"I am here to finish what my great ancestor started. He conquered half the world in his lifetime. I shall finish the job. You," Rajura said, finishing his glass and standing up, "I want as my second command. Join me," he said in a husky voice. He stepped boldly closer to Cale. "Join me and the world will be our playground. We will pit armies against each other like chess, wash our hands in blood, laugh at the women who throw themselves naked at our feet. It would be glorious, Anubisu."

Nerves on fire, anger boiling just underneath the surface, Cale replied, "That's not my name anymore."

Rajura's originally placid, superior face slid to one of complete contempt. "But it is. Nevertheless it is still who you are!"

Cale reached for a gun, his had wrapping around something as he swung it forward, glancing down only to cock the gun. That one glance was all Rajura needed; when Cale looked up the one eyed man was gone. Where he had stood was now a gold colored coin.

"For the sake. I will come back, Anubisu; after you've had time to think."

And there was no more.

Cale stood alone in the silence, his eyes wide and his face ever so slightly scared.

Sadly, before the audience could fully revel in this superb bit of acting, the organ rang itself in their brains.

* * *

Rajura sat in Zen meditation in the center of an ornately decorated floor beneath rows of tall elegant windows of stained glass, partially hidden behind rich drapery. Somewhere off stage, incense was burning, small wafts of smoke gently strolling across the room. Rajura slowly exited his meditation, starting to chant something incomprehensible.

He stood, swinging his exquisite robes with a flare, and gracefully marching up to a small throne in the large room, decorated in an approximation of what Mongol art would be. After all, it wasn't like the twins knew what the hell they were describing. Whatever the audience can imagine is probably better than what we can come up with.

Seating himself with the flare of a spoiled actor, Rajura smiled before his audience - tin can soldiers that had been dressed not in the armor of a Mongol warrior, but in the armor of a samurai.

"My warriors," Rajura intoned, flashing an award-winning smile to the screen, "our day is finally at hand! This modern world of corruption shall once again fall under the mighty and powerful hands of the Khan. No longer will people stumble blindly through the world, not understanding the true path. No more! Instead, the mortals of this world will comprehend the one and only path; bushido! They will serve their Shogun, and that Shogun shall be me!"

The tin cans, who had been silently listening up until now, turned on the buzz saw and cheered their ear-piercing cry, making many in the audience fall unconscious. Several pulled out their swords, spears, and kusari-gama, exalting in their sound and displaying their enthusiasm.

Unfortunately, these tin cans seemed to be only just recently from the recycling center, and thus untrained. So as swords and other pointy objects started to swing around the room, arms, legs, and the occasional head started to fly. Soon the sophisticated room where Rajura had been meditating was reduced to the greasy black smoke of dead tin can soldiers, having dismembered and decapitated themselves.

Rajura stared. "Who went to the recycling center this morning," he fumed. "We're going to have to redo this entire scene thanks to these green goons! Is this any way to treat a good actor such as myself?" Rajura's fit continued for several long minutes as several extra tin cans came on set to clean up the mess. Several of said tin cans then slid on the water and soap that was starting to cover the floor destroying themselves even further. The words "Cut! Stop filming!" were heard several times, but nobody seemed to be listening.

This scene _really_ wasn't supposed to make the final cut. Mirror turned to Image. "It's you turn to type. I'll go see if I can dig up who the editor is."

Image nodded and took the laptop to start typing.

* * *

Shuu and Nasutei were having their breakfast, listening to the latest episode of the Shadow on the radio.

"Wait, this IS the Shadow, why are listening to is?" Nasutei demanded. Then she heard the latest monologue from Orson Welles. Her eyes became very floaty. "never mind. . ."

Shuu rolled his eyes, gulping his coffee. Thankfully, Nasutei had yet to notice his somewhat austere new ring. He glared at it menacingly. It had glowed a while ago; damn near freaked him out. Since then nothing.

Before he could perform any more contemplation, there was a heavy knock on the door. Shuu was the first to get up, Nasutei still dreamily imagining what was being described in the radio drama she was listening to and completely oblivious to the real drama going on around her.

Opening the door, Shuu found a tall, scarred man in front of him. He was stinging. That was obvious. He was also trying damn hard not to show it. That was also obvious.

"The moon is rising," he said softly. Many members of the audience cooed.

"But the snow is falling," Shuu answered, almost automatically. "You know the Shadow, don't you."

"Who?"

"Oh, right. Gotcha." Shuu winked. "What do you need?"

"I need a metal analysis. . ." dramatic pause, "of this." Lifting his gloved hand, the scarred man showed the gold coin left in the Sanctum.

"Honey, a colleague just dropped by, I'm heading out!" Shuu called into the house.

"Okay!" Nasutei was still dreaming.

It was a short drive to Shuu's lab at NYU. It was also a quick cut, too. Shuu looked only slightly lost, and it didn't take him long to find the right chemicals and pouring it over the coin. There was an impressive bubbling and then the Petri dish shattered into tiny bits. Shuu took his cue.

"Bronzium. The metal is bronzium. I didn't think it existed but wow, there it is. Where'd you get this?" he asked the strange man.

"I'm told it came from Siyan King," he said quietly. He was obviously pissed about something, and Shuu didn't dare tick him off any more than he already was. The scarred man felt almost like the Shadow.

. . . nah. Couldn't be.

"I don't doubt it," Shuu said, pushing. "The ancient Chinese believed this was the very stuff that the universe was made of."

"Could it be made into a weapon?"

Shuu pondered. Now the lingo was starting to go over his head. "Theoretically, yes. Bronzium is very unstable on the molecular level. Once the atomic particles are broken from their bonds everything becomes chaos. Fashioned into a bomb it would be catastrophic. Once triggered, the damage would be incalculable."

"An explosion?"

"No, no explosion would do it," Shuu explained. "An implosion, now that would do it. It would need a beryllium sphere in order to trigger it. Here," Shuu motioned to a chalkboard. His lab assistant, Image, cleaned the board quickly and pulled out a piece of chalk. "See," Shuu explained. "It would have to be a sort of a shell, with tiny implosive devices spread at regular intervals, like this. An implosive-explosive sub-molecular device."

"An atomic bomb," they said simultaneously, both wanting to get the credit.

"But nothing like this exists," Shuu said finally. He finished his role! He finished his role! No more scenes, yay! He was done with the movie! As soon as the camera was off he would make a beeline for the buffet table.

* * *

The scene reopened to Rowan in his lab. He was tinkering on the same device from his earlier scene. In fact, if one looked at the gadget, it rather looked like the image that Image had drawn in the previous scene. Rowan pulled out a wrench and continued to work on the device, making minute alterations that only a perfectionist would care to fix.

"Shut. Up."

Spoil sport.

"Hashiba Rowan."

Rowan looked up to the voice, perturbed that his work had been interrupted. How was he supposed to make this implosive device into something less catastrophic if he wasn't allowed to work? The nerve of the Warlords.

"Hashiba Rowan."

"Leave me alone," he replied, pulling out a screwdriver and tinkering some more.

"Hashiba Rowan."

He steadfastly ignored the calling.

"Damn it, Hashiba; just go to the balcony and do your scene with me!"

Rowan grumbled about this rather loudly. He slid off his stool and stomped out to the balcony, overlooking the New York night skyline, which was rather beautiful he had to admit. Directly across from him was a billboard, depicting some handsome man smoking some brand-name cigarette. However, the man didn't stay long, before his face was replaced with Rajura's. Image was playing with Photoshop again.

"Hashiba Rowan."

Not particularly feeling like falling victim to mind-control, Rowan noted that this might be a good time to do a commercial of his own. On anti-smoking.

"Commonly known facts that most people the twins know, know about smoking. A cigarette has over two-thousand agents within that are known to cause cancer. Around five-hundred-thousand smokers die per year. Three-quarters of all smokers want to quit, but can't without help. Sidestream smoke from the end of a cigarette has twice the tar, and three times the benzopyreen, carbon monoxide, and ammonia as mainstream smoke because it hasn't been filtered by the smoker's lungs. For every minute of deep inhaling smoking, one minute is taken off your life. The average smoker dies eight years before the average non-smoker. A child, who starts smoking before fifteen years of age and continues to smoke through their life, is half as likely to reach the age of seventy-five."

"Hashiba Rowan," Rajura growled. "You can't stop a smoker from smoking if they want to. In an age about free choice, let them chose to kill themselves. No get back to the script."

Rowan grumbled again.

"Hashiba Rowan! Do what I tell you!"

Rowan sighed. This wasn't his day.

The organ music from the radio drama blasted the audience.

* * *

The scene reopened to the Cobalt Club once more, where Commissioner Doji and Cale were both looking handsome in tuxes once again. The audience cheered.

"You know, Cale," Shuten started, smiling coldly, "it amazes me how a man such as yourself, who has absolutely _nothing_ to do, can be late for every single engagement he has."

Cale grinned wolfishly. "Practice, Uncle Doji, practice."

"Bull," Shuten replied. "At least in the radio drama you had a 'job' as a criminalist, or scientist, or what-have-you. But in the movie, you _are_ just a wealthy young man about town."

"I don't think I have to tell you to but out of my business, do I?" Cale asked quietly.

"I'm supposed to be your uncle. That means your business is my business."

Cale sat back into the shadows, letting his winter blue eyes shine. "You will stop meddling in my personal life."

Shuten grunted.

"It is not your business."

"Just don't be late again," the commissioner grumbled.

Cale sat forward again, extremely grateful that the movie version of the Shadow gave him such a little gift. It rather came in handy.

"Oh no, here comes that damned Kayura." Poor Shuten was having a very bad day and his lamenting made all of his fans appreciate him even more.

"Commissioner, what are you going to do about my father," Kayura demanded, storming up to their table and looking damn sexy in her evening gown and furs. The male half of the audience cheered even louder than the Shuten and Cale fans who were cheering their men in tuxes.

"I can't do anything," Shuten replied calmly. "He's currently working for the War Department. If he decides what he's doing is too sensitive to allow a visitor, that's his business, not mine. Besides, he's just an eccentric scientist, isn't he?" The commissioner's immaculate appearance was suddenly ruined by a hurricane force wind that seemed to only affect him. Flustered and blustered, Shuten tried to straighten out his ruined appearance, still addressing Kayura. "I can't do anything unless he's been missing for twenty-four hours. And as long as you can still contact him, my hands are tied."

Kayura slammed her bag down onto the table, making the plates shake and the glasses come dangerously close to falling. "He's not doing anything that's top secret. He's only doing energy research, some sort of implosive device. He has no reason to lock himself up in the lab and not let his own daughter in."

Cale raised an eyebrow, thinking back to his conversation with Shuu. He slid back into the shadows, gathered up his coat, gloves, scarf, and most importantly his hat, and discretely left the club.

"Kayura," Shuten replied, sounding shocked. "Is _he_ the one you have a crush on?"

Kayura went scarlet.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Back when the twins were writing 'Gatekeeper: No Not Aki', you let it slip that you had a crush on one of the bishounen. Was it Hashiba? Why? Because he bothered to talk to you in the series instead of yell at you?"

Kayura's shakujo came out of nowhere and handed very hard on Shuten's red head.

"Mr. Sasaki, what do you think?" she turned to find that Cale had disappeared.

"That bastard," she muttered and ran off after him. "Cale!" She caught up with him at a cab, noticing that Sekky was driving. And Cale was willingly entering the death trap? Brave man.

"Cale, I need to talk to you."

Cale ignored her.

Kayura didn't particularly like that and grabbed his arm, whirling him around. "Anubisu!" she hissed.

Cale glared at her, his winter blue eyes boring a cold hole into her.

"Who is Anubisu?" she pressed forward. "Why did my father say his name? Why was my father speaking in Chinese when he's never even been to China? What's going on?"

Pulling his arm free, Cale skipped the part where he was supposed to put Kayura under mind control and merely entered into the cab, grateful that Sekky peeled rubber to get away from the curb.

"Where to, boss?" Sekky hissed.

In the back seat, Cale's appearance changed, his face becoming harder and colder. His scar seemed to become more prominent, and his winter blue eyes shined brightly. A dark black-red scarf covered manifested itself around the lower half of Cale's face, and the black overcoat shifted into a cloak, finishing the transformation of Cale Sasaki, wealthy young man about town, the Shadow, mysterious character who aides the forces of law and order.

The Shadow laughed.

* * *

Luna sighed, bored out of her mind. "Nii-san, what do you want for supper tonight?"

Her brother shrugged his shoulders.

"Ugh, not burgers and fries again. I'm so sick of American food. Why not try something different? Italian? French?"

Her brother shook his head adamantly.

Luna gave a frustrated sigh. "Then what?" she demanded.

Luna's brother was unable to answer, however. A kunai appeared from nowhere and embedded itself in her poor brother's chest.

"Nii-san? Nii-san! Nii-saaaaaaaan! She turned to her attacker, but saw none. "I will avenge my brother! I will make you pay!" Luna pulled out her hunter's knife, her braid swinging as she charged blindly down the hall. The gunshot stopped her cold, and she fell bonelessly to the floor. "Ryo. . ." she whispered before her eyes glazed over.

"Luna? Lunaaaaa!"

Ryo was promptly gagged by Mirror and then tied up. He wasn't about to go on another rampage over lost innocents, not while she was in the room, thank you.

Inside the lab Luna and her brother had so poorly been guarding, Professor Hashiba made the finishing touches on his implosive device and put it delicately in a box. Out of nowhere, many tin can Mongol warriors appeared, lead by none other than Cye. He was getting a lot of cameos, much to his displeasure.

"Grab the case, Rowan," he said in fragmented Japanese. Hey, he was the dub actor, not the sub. "Let's go."

Cye had just about reached the door when suddenly there was that eerie, echoing laugh. The audience gave a great cheer. Finally! They had waited long enough, thank you! Cye, ignorant of this, looked around with frightened eyes. He knew full well he was supposed to be on the receiving end of that laugh, and it wasn't a pleasant thought. He grabbed a crossbow, thought better of it, and grabbed a yari. Better to fight with what you know. Ordering Rowan to put the case on a designated safe desk, Cye motioned for the tin cans to look around. The Brit himself went out onto the terrace/balcony, wondering where the laugh was coming from and just how much breath control the Shadow had in order to laugh this long.

One question was answered very quickly. A shadow stretched out over the floor of the terrace, outlining that of a man wearing a fedora. Cye swiped his yari behind him, exactly where the owner would have been standing. It only struck air. Damn it, how did the twins DO this? What was the trick of making the Shadow not only invisible, but intangible?

Well, the Shadow wasn't about to answer that question; instead he landed a hard right hook into Cye's jaw, sending him sliding along the floor. "Bloody hell," he whispered.

"Bloody lip, actually. Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!" The Shadow laughed at his own joke, enjoying watching Cye wipe his mouth and discovering the blood.

"Bloody git," Cye muttered. He grabbed his yari and swung again, following the Shadow's voice and hoping to eventually make contact. When he finally did, the Shadow made his appearance, fading into view as if fog faded away, revealing himself. Cye blinked, not expecting such a cool transition. The Shadow used that, and his leverage, to his advantage and flipped Cye over the edge of the terrace.

Were it not for his armor - summoned in record time - Cye would have been road kill. Landing with enough force to crack the pavement for several feet, he got up to find an armored Sekky in front of him.

"Ah, the little fish Torrent has finally shown his true colors." The snake grinned happily, the manic look he often had when driving now covering his face. "And here I was beginning to think all I would do in this movie is drive."

Cye dove for his previously discarded yari.

* * *

Meanwhile, up in the lab, the Shadow was making very short work of the tin cans. Greasy smoke had long since filled the room, making it difficult for the remaining tin cans to see who they were fighting. In fact, it was not uncommon to see the green soldiers killing each other. The Shadow figured this was pretty straight forward, and didn't even bother to cloud their puny minds. Hashiba stood listlessly in a corner by his precious box. As choreographed, the desk wasn't even scratched, while the rest of the tables and desks, littered with all the tubes and beakers and chemicals mentioned previously, were being shattered into tiny bits and pieces. It was a miracle none of the chemicals were mixing together and creating even more problems.

There were only two tin cans left. The Shadow turned to face them when a gold flash whizzed toward him, planting itself in his arm and pinning him to the wall. What? Looking down, he saw one of Strata's arrows. Throwing his winter blue gaze to the blue haired professor, he found Hashiba in armor and his bow out, another arrow cocked and ready.

One of the tin cans said something in his buzz saw voice, and Rowan armored down and calmly took his bow and walked to the door.

"Hope that hurts," he said warmly, and walked away, the two remaining tin cans following him.

The Shadow roughly pulled the arrow out, staring at it in disbelief. So the Ronin rodents had some backbone after all. A low, creepy chuckle escaped his lips as he literally disappeared.

* * *

Cye and Sekky were panting, their armors and the surrounding streets burnt and crumpled and cracked. The fight had only lasted a few minutes, and both participants had given their all. Sekky was enjoying the little warm up, and Cye was mystified as to why this was even happening.

Sekky charged again, all six swords diving towards him. Cye prepared to counter, when something hard struck the back of his head and he fell, unconscious.

"Hey, no fair," Sekky exclaimed. "I was about to have his head."

The Shadow revealed himself from the fog he had used and held up the bloody golden arrow.

Sekky stared at it, and then saw the bleeding arm. "Oh. No time for fun, I guess."

"Drive," the Shadow said wearily. He didn't even pray for his life, indicating to Sekky that this might actually be serious. In quick work, he placed Cale Sasaki in the cab and broke every speed limit he knew in order to get him home.

* * *

Kayura stomped her foot impatiently, waiting for the elevator to reach the proper floor. She had gotten a call from her father, but he still sounded very odd. He had finally asked to see her and he was about to get one hell of an earful. He'd worried her sick! Not that the Cale or Shuten would ever hear that from her.

There was finally the ping of the elevator door opening and Kayura burst from the doors with a storm brewing around her. She stopped cold when she saw Luna and her brother dead on the floor.

Eyes widening, Kayura rushed for the door and slammed it open. The lab was a mess, save for one desk that seemed to have remained untouched.

"Kayura Hashiba."

Kayura stormed out onto the balcony, and glared at Rajura across the street in the smoking advertisement. "Where is he?" she demanded.

"Kayura Hashiba."

"Damn it, Rajura," Kayura fumed, "what the hell did you do?"

"Kayura, just do what I tell you or we'll never get out of this script."

"Like hell! I'm not some brainless bimbo, you know! You can't control me!"

The image of Rajura reached out a smoky hand and whacked Kayura on the head.

Needless to say, she was rather surprised before she fell unconscious.

When Kayura came to, she was getting her furs taken off by Rajura. Her reaction was instantaneous. Rajura found himself flat on the intricate floor, a shakujo pinning him down. Rowan patted Kayura on the shoulder in appreciation of her instincts, before handing her an elaborate gun and a singular bullet.

"You're supposed to go kill the Shadow," he explained seeing as how Rajura was indisposed at the moment.

"Will you be okay?" Kayura asked. "Rajura's being unusually bizarre at the moment."

Rowan offered a smile and his fans cheered. "I've got my cheering section to protect me if all else fails." Said fans agreed. Very loudly. Then flooded the aisles to try and enter the screen and protect the Ronin in question.

"Fine," Kayura muttered, grabbing her fur coat once more and exiting the scene.

* * *

When the scene reopened, Cale, in an undershirt, was sitting in a plush upholstered chair, holding a rope tight on his arm in an attempt to cut off circulation long enough to stop the bleeding of the wound he'd received from that damned Strata's arrow.

Sekky walked over with a cloth and bottle of something. He swathed the cloth and pressed it onto the wound. The alcohol caused Cale to yell out in pain. Many fans in the audience offered their support.

"Damn those twins," Cale hissed.

"It's your own fault," Sekky explained. He rubbed some more, eliciting more yells. "You don't bother reading anything until there's an action sequence. Where does your knowledge of the script pick up, anyway?"

"About halfway through this scene."

"Then you knew you were going to get hurt. Why didn't you dodge it?"

"Because I didn't know that the lab was the fight scene!" he shouted. The scarred man gritted his teeth as Sekky slapped another coat of rubbing alcohol on the wound before slapping a bandage. "You have no bedside manner," he muttered.

"Not for people who should know better," Sekky admonished. He picked up some gauze and wrapped the wound, making sure it was painfully tight. His work done, he wordlessly left the room and exited the house through the back way.

Cale continued to grumble for several minutes before he realized Sekky had left all the first aid supplies strewn about the room. Cursing vehemently, Cale realized that he hated this movie. Yes, he liked that Lamont Cranston actually had some meat to him, but he hated Rajura and the idea that he had his powers, he hated Kayura for the ability to read his mind, he hated the twins for not giving him time to go over the whole script, he hated just about everything.

There was a creaking sound and Cale looked up. His million dollar mansion had creaky floors? Cale stood away from the door, knowing full well that he had a reflection in a full standing mirror. With baited breath he waited until the door creaked open.

A pearly gun inched forward, held by a woman's hand. It fired at the reflection of the mirror. Stepping forward, Lady Kayura entered the room. Her face was completely blank, her eyes glassy and her mind empty.

Cale waved a hand in front of her face and, seeing no reaction, happily entered her empty brain to see what was wrong.

"Margo Lane," he said. It was the trigger to the hypnotic suggestion.

Kayura blinked, looking around. Of course, having no idea of what had happened, how she got here, or why there was a shirtless man in front of her, she of course assumed the worst case scenario.

"Hentaaaaaaaaaaaai!" she shouted. She slapped Cale several times, mixing in punches randomly before finally pulling out her shakujo and using it like a baseball bat. Cale was sent flying across the room, mentally adding broken jaw and cracked ribs to his ever increasing list of injuries. The pointy end of the shakujo pricked his neck, and the stiletto heals of Kayura's shoes poked into his cracked ribs. "You presumptuous, overbearing, testosterone MAN! How dare you try to take advantage of a pretty, innocent girl like myself?"

Cale raised an eyebrow and asked, "If I was taking advantage of you, how come you're in my house and there's a bullet in my mirror?"

Kayura risked a glance over and saw the evidence of what he had said. She scrutinized him further before finally letting him up.

"You're so generous," Cale said, snapping his jaw back into place with a sickening crack. Then he asked, "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," she said lamely. "There was a voice, over and over in my head, telling me I had to kill the Shadow." She paused, the realization hitting her slowly. "Damn you Rajura!" she shouted. "I'm too smart to be controlled like that you jerk! What did you do to me while you drugged me, huh? If you think what I did to Cale was bad, wait till you see what I'm going to do to you!" She stopped in the middle of her tirade as another realization dawned on her. "I had to kill the Shadow and I came here." She threw a look at Cale. "Anubisu, Cale Sasaki, the Shadow. You're the Shadow!"

Cale got up, the camera noticing that his jaw was healed. A different day of shooting, you understand. "Get out."

Kayura sniffed. "Fine. I don't need your help anyway. I'm a woman, I can find my father and kill Rajura by myself."

Cale grabbed her as she moved to the door. "Excuse me," he said lightly, an annoyed tone in his voice. "But if Rajura could hypnotize you and make you come here to kill me, I don't think you're quite capable of handling this. Besides," he added quickly at her death glare, "if you alter the script to much the twins might decide to do something."

THAT struck Kayura with fear. The girly voice she used for Margo in the radio drama asserted itself. "Please, please help my father," she pleaded.

Cale pursed his lips and sighed. Fans cooed. "Just be gone when I get back."

"Wait," Kayura said, her girly voice still at work. "How will you know that I won't tell anyone? How will you know I won't do anything?"

Cale let his winter blue eyes go cold, the eyes of the Shadow, and he leaned forward, inches from Kayura. The twelve year old froze from fear of a different kind. He was creepy.

His voice was lower, silkier, and more dangerous. "I'll know."

With that he left.

* * *

The scene reopened near the alley that led to Cale's hidden Sanctum. Sekky's cab pulled up to the curb and Cale started to get out of the cab.

"Boss," Sekky whispered. "Take a peek in my side view."

Cale didn't appear to have heard a word, but once he was out of the cab, he adjusted his fedora, observing the reflection that Sekky had mentioned. He was being followed by a tin can Mongol warrior.

"Follow us," Cale murmured, then proceeded down the street away from his hideout. The tin can followed, completely unnoticed by the crowds, despite being dressed in samurai armor and wielding weapons of many varieties, including guns. His walk took him to Chinatown, where he easily slid through the crowds celebrating some sort of Chinese holiday. Cale made a mental note to ask Shuu what it was. Once in the bustling streets, Cale easily hid himself in the shadows, baffling the soldier. He grinned wolfishly. The hunt was on.

Cale moved easily through the crowds, following the Mongol soldier and giving the audience quite a show of how a wolf hunts its prey. The male half of the audience appreciated the strategies and cunning, while the female half appreciated the graceful movements and fluid motion. The twins certainly know how to please the fans when they wanted to. 

The Mongol led Cale to a plane Chinese restaurant and ascended the stairs. Cale followed, not bothering to hide his presence any more. The restaurant had only one customer at the moment. Rajura. Rajura was still dressed in fine Chinese silks and eating like a nobleman. Walking over and depositing his hat and coat on a nearby table, Cale smiled coldly. "An impressive plan," he murmured in his soft, silky voice. "Too bad you don't have the beryllium sphere to complete the bomb."

Rajura laughed, somewhat maniacally. "You're so damn arrogant. Do you honestly think that your country is the new cradle of civilization?"

Cale chuckled coldly. "I don't give a damn about these cocky Americans. I just don't want Hiroshima or Nagasaki to happen again."

"Please," Rajura retorted. "You care about these upstart bastards," he continued, getting into the role of Shi Wan Khan. "I am talking about ruling the world, having all the power."

"I have a name for you," Cale replied, pulling out a pencil and paper. "Saber-stryke. He's an excellent shrink."

"You--"

"You sit down; you talk; he listens. Together you may be able to--"

"--are boring me!"

Cale easily dodged the incoming pointy object, seeing as how he had some practice with Kayura in his previous scene. As it turned out, the pointy object in question was a knife, with a tiger shaped hilt that rather looked like Byakuen. Or was it Black Blaze? Cale never could tell the difference.

"Oh that knife," he murmured.

"Yes, beautiful isn't it?" Rajura replied, admiring the blade. "I got it from Kaosu. Or rather, I got it out of Kaosu, after I rammed it through his heart."

Ronins and Troopers cried out, and the twins had to transport them across the world in order for the scene to continue uninterrupted.

Cale's reaction was instantaneous. He grabbed the knife and prepared to strike.

The knife, however, wouldn't let him.

"You never could master that knife, could you?" Rajura observed haughtily. The Mongol warrior by his side pointed a gun at Cale's head. "You are such a fool. For this movie I have power. I can see your mind clearly. It is like an open book to me."

Cale glared at Rajura coldly, before grinning. And laughing. "You are obviously illiterate then."

From inside his coat he pulled out the golden arrow that Strata had shot him with and drove it into the Mongol warrior, letting the greasy black smoke blind Rajura. Kicking the table into Rajura's face, Cale grabbed his coat and hat and flipped easily across the restaurant, pulling out the gun he was supposed to use for this scene.

Rajura rubbed the smoke out of his eyes and pulled out his gun as well.

Both fired.

Rather than the bullets hitting each other in midair, like they were supposed to, Cale's bullet shattered the glass behind Rajura and Rajura's bullet bored into the door that Cale was heading for.

What the hell was the editor doing?

Rajura leapt out the window, down into an awaiting sidecar of a motorcycle and Cale got into the open cab that Sekky had ready and waiting.

"Don't loose them," he growled.

"Like I'd let him get away with killing Kaosu," Sekky hissed.

Cale didn't have any objections to the crazy driving as a car chase scene rivaling that of the Matrix came up on screen. It came to an abrupt halt, however, as the motorcycle seemed to just up and disappeared.

Sekky slammed on the breaks, sliding the car up to the curb of an empty lot that was seen earlier in the movie. Cale stepped out of the cab, looking at the lot and up through the New York skyline. Something didn't feel right.

"What's wrong?" Sekky asked.

Cale said nothing, but merely started to laugh.

* * *

The movie seemed to be going lightning fast. We're halfway through the movie and only thirty pages into the fic. Cale wondered absently if that meant anything. On second thought, it's better not to pry. If it was going fast, maybe they'd finish early and then he could pound the twins for the hell they were putting him through that much sooner.

With that pleasant thought in mind he went home. Now that he actually knew what was going to happen, there would be no more surprises. That thought also made him smile as he entered his rich, rich home.

The happy thoughts disappeared, however, when he saw Kayura asleep on one of his many couches. What the hell?

"And she accuses me of being presumptuous and overbearing," he muttered. However, he knew better than to try and wake her up, so he left her on the couch and also made sure to lock his bedroom door. She wasn't going to accuse him of anything if he had any say in the matter.

Well, he forgot the twins were writing this fic. We didn't want Kayura to get a kink in her neck and have to hold her head sideways for the next scene, so we set her up in one of the many bedrooms of Cale's house and put her in a nice nightgown.

So, the next morning, Cale awoke to find Kayura over his head and wielding her staff dangerously.

"You know," he said wearily. "This is getting a little old."

"Really?" Kayura asked sweetly. "Then let me do something different." She tossed aside her staff and easily picked him up, throwing him across the room.

Damn those twins.

"Whatever the hell you think it is that I did, I didn't do it!" Cale shouted in automatic defense of himself.

"Men!" Kayura cried. "Why was I created in a series that is dominated by men? What did I do to deserve this?"

"You're a fine one to talk!" Cale shouted, thoroughly fed up. "You're the one standing over my bed in a nightgown and ready to beat me! Maybe I should be wondering what you were going to do!"

Kayura took offense. "How dare you think that! I'm not a man, I'm not so insensitive that I'd go walking about this mansion cavorting with whoever wanted my bed!"

"And who the hell ever said that I did?" Cale roared, his blue eyes nearly bulging. "Damn it, woman, I'm not even dressed yet!"

The twins, while enjoying the argument, decided to step in before Kayura could retort. With a snap of magical fingers, both parties were fully dressed, Cale in an expensive suit, and Kayura in an expensive woman's suit. Ah, much better. Now then, lines? Please?

"Yeah," Kayura said, still surprised that she looked so smart in her latest movie outfit. She was beginning to like the costume people in this movie. Hell, if it wasn't for Cale and his attitude, she was beginning to like the movie, too. "So, where are we going?"

Cale, however, wasn't as big a fan over the movie. "We?" he repeated.

"I thought you knew the script about now?" Kayura asked sweetly.

Cale glanced around, and, to his consternation, couldn't find he little booklet. Had the twins taken it? "We?" he asked again.

"Well yes," Kayura said, her girly voice slipping in. "You're helping me to find my father, and being the capable, strong, independent woman I am, I'll be of great help to you. Won't I?" she added, a hint of malice in her voice.

Not about to be knocked around again, Cale simply said, "Fine. Whatever." He walked out of the room, expecting her to follow him. After a moment of grumbling, she did. "It's all falling into place, Rajura needs a beryllium sphere to complete the bomb." He wasn't about to share everything he knew.

"Okay, then your first stop should be to Seiji Date," she said brightly. "He works with my father a little bit, and his area of research is the beryllium sphere."

"Fine." Cale exited the mansion and found Sekky sleeping in his cab. Had he stayed the whole night? Aw, sweety.

"Excuse me?" Cale asked the camera.

"Excuse me," Kayura said, stepping in front of him. "Don't. You. Have. An. Assignment. For. Me?" The words were forced, but she dared not refrain from saying them.

"Okay," Cale answered brightly, an evil glint entering his eye. He pulled out a handy piece of paper and scribbled an address. "Research this," he said, then stepped into the cab and woke up Sekky, driving off.

Kayura, shocked, stood at the front steps.

"Cale you jerk!"

* * *

Rowan pointed out to the Statue of Liberty, "From there," and then over to Times Square, "to there. And for those of you who actually live in New York, this is probably highly inaccurate. In any case, that would be just the explosion. The damage is incalculable."

Rajura smiled, still decked out in his intricate silks, and admired the crystal blue sky of the cold winter from his place atop the Empire State Building. He may not have been overly fond of America, but it certainly had some magnificent views.

Rowan continued to ramble on about radiation, its dangers, and what will happen to the people of New York when the radiation hit, as well as all people east of the city since the winds would blow the fall out across Connecticut, Rhode Island, Massachusetts, and the rest of the eastern seaboard.

Rajura ignored him, enjoying the weather and the view. He passed a pair of Sand-strykers, who both thought that Rajura looked good in a "dress" and commented on it. Rajura merely smiled and threw them both off the building.

Hey, wait a minute. Isn't this scene supposed to come in the middle of the previous one? Who the hell is the editor and why can't we find him?

* * *

Seiji walked briskly to an odd spherical building on the waterfront. The inside was vacant except for some pressurizing like machines. Seiji continued to walk briskly toward the mechanical things, noting the measurements and taking notes on a clipboard. What was he doing here? That's anyone's guess.

There was a low, silky laughter, seeming to emit from everywhere. Seiji whirled around, his violet eyes narrow. "Where are you?" he called out. He'd be damned if Cale was going to get the better of him.

"Where is the beryllium sphere, Date?" the voice asked. The cavernous structure of the sphere bounced the voice back and forth, making direction indeterminable and frustrating Seiji. He did have a counter to this, though.

"Sphere?" he asked, moving his hand to the pressure gauge. "What sphere?"

"Date you idiot!" The Shadow was enjoying his railing of Seiji a little too much. "Your overly simple mind is being controlled. Where did it go?"

"I don't know," Seiji said. He finally reached the right lever and pulled with all his strength. The pressure of the machine dropped as water spewed out of the machine. It was not long until it began filling the sphere. The floor was soon completely covered, and Seiji pulled out his extended no datchi from hammer space.

"Foolish, foolish Date," the Shadow said. Image was beginning to wonder if Cale was enjoying the scene a little too much. "A moment of clever thinking from Torrent will not save you. The Shadow can cloud your mind so that you cannot see him. That includes any foot mark you might think I would leave in the water. Surely even you are smart enough to comprehend that little fact. But then, you always were a little slow."

Okay, that did it. Nobody insults the intelligence of MY Seiji-kins!

Image pulled that little yellow neon light she had used earlier and gave it to Seiji, pointing out exactly where the Shadow was. Seiji blinked, not expecting such a favor, but grinned and took advantage of it. With a massive leap, he swung his sword with expert skill at the yellow arrow.

There was a grunt and a small drop of blood that appeared in the water, as well as the footfalls that had been hidden before. Seiji smiled brightly, not realizing that sugar was falling in the theatre. "Hey Image, I take back what I said in my opening scene. Thanks!" He waved to the camera and exited the sphere, taking the lever he had used to begin the water flow and using it to lock the door.

"See you around, Cale," Seiji said brightly.

* * *

Inside, Cale allowed himself to become visible, fading into view like burning off fog, and curse a loud and long blue streak that the twins had to bleep out.

"Damn you stupid twins!" he finally said. Half wading, half swimming, he made his way to the door to discover that Seiji had locked it. "Korin! I'll get you for this you stupid blond demon eyed child sized excuse of a twip!" He pulled and pushed at the door, turning the knob every which way with no success. Of course, having used a sword and not a gun, there were no convenient air holes for him to breathe out of. He was really in a pickle if he didn't find a way out of here.

Miraculously, his leather booklet floated over to him. He'd thought he had lost it, but he quickly grabbed it, thankful the pages were waterproof, and flipped to see what he was supposed to do next.

"No! Absolutely not! I will not ask for help from Lady Kayura!"

* * *

Too late. His shout reached the mind of said Lady, and she stopped in mid stride down the hall of the library she had been walking down. The impression was really strong, and at first she could do little more than just stare off. But as realization dawned on her, a broad smile split her face.

"This is justice," she said happily. "I'm saving the hero." Outside the library, Sekky was already waiting, and he beat his previous speed record from earlier scenes as he made his way to the waterfront. Kayura, who was staring to get used to riding a car that drove on two wheels, didn't even flinch as he pulled some impressive one-eighty degree turns and finally screeching to a halt at the sphere.

Kayura happily walked up to the door and unlocked it.

She was not so happy when the entire sphere's worth of water came pouring out onto her. Dripping wet and several feet from the cab, she finally got enough traction to stop herself. Sekky was not far away, his own cursing streak being bleeped out. Certain snakes hate the water, you understand. Cye filed away that information for later use.

Despite the speed records, it had taken several precious minutes to arrive at the waterfront, and with no air holes, Cale had gone those precious minutes without air. He alternated between gasping for air and choking up water. The sight was slightly disturbing, and both Sekky and Kayura abandoned their indignation to see if he was alright.

Of course he wasn't, so the camera cut to the three of them in Cale's mansion. Sekky was mixing random herbs to bring down a fever the water had given him as Kayura added a cold compress.

"Damn. We're out of some stuff." Sekky got up and grabbed a dry jacket. "I'll be right back." He disappeared to parts unknown, leaving Kayura and Cale alone. The thought perturbed Kayura, but she bit down the feeling, knowing full well this wasn't the time or place for it. She refilled the basin with fresh water and pulled a few stray hairs away from Cale's face. It was the perfect opportunity for the psychic ability she had been given for the movie to decide to pop up, sending Kayura plunging unexpectedly into Cale's mind.

The images were graphic, violent, and bloody. They shook her out of her reverie to see Cale glaring at her with the Shadow's eyes.

"That was private," he whispered.

"I'm sorry," she said lamely. "I didn't mean."

"Do me a favor," Cale said bitterly. "The next time you have the urge to whack me over the head for something you think that I did, remember this and remember that I didn't whack you; and I have reason to."

With that, Cale kicked her out of his room and slammed the door, locking it behind him.

Kayura stared at the door for a moment. "Cale you jerk!" she shouted before stomping off to her own room.

* * *

Seiji was pissed again.

Why?

He was enduring Rajura's overacting.

Rajura was currently strolling rather grandly around the same intricate room that all his previous scenes had taken place in, talking about how absolutely grand he was and how smart he was and how he'd defeat the Shadow without any problems.

And Seiji had to endure all of this without saying a word. He was suffering greatly. However, the audience was extremely relieved since Mirror was at the keyboard and not Image, since there was no falling sugar.

"My Mongol warriors," Rajura continued. "We owe a small debt of gratitude to the only American--"

"Nihonjin," Seiji spat. "Gaijin ja nai desu." 

Rajura kept speaking as if Seiji hadn't interrupted him. "--who was intelligent enough to join my forces. Who saw himself a king, in my kingdom."

"What?" Seiji demanded.

Rajura knocked him down to the floor.

"I said and thought no such thing!"

Seiji was flat on the ground again.

"The script was altered, I didn't say that line!"

Down again.

"You bastard!"

Flat once more.

Seiji growled, but said nothing. He didn't particularly feel like tasting the floor again, thank you very much.

"It's so much fun talking to my inferiors," Rajura stated.

Seiji fans in the audience went into an uproar.

* * *

The scene faded to black and Ryo's voice as the narrator came up. On the screen, newspaper clippings visualized what Ryo was saying. Mirror sighed dreamily at Ryo's voice.

"A message was delivered to all newspapers, radio stations, police departments, and city hall. The message claimed that a man, a madman, would blow up New York City unless he was given world treasures, such as gold, precious jewels, and famous art pieces."

The newspapers flashed various headlines for the audience to read.

"The city entered into a panic, uncertain if such a claim could even be justified, if the city was even that vulnerable. However, New Yorkers are a resilient bunch. They were nervous, certainly, but in a New York minute, they were back to going about their business. This must have been some sort of promotional gig of some sort, or perhaps some kind of public stunt. Nothing to worry about."

The organ music blasted the audience's brains.

* * *

The scene reopened to the opulent drawing room of Cale's mansion. Sekky was taking off the last of the bandages that Cale had needed over the movie behind a screen, providing privacy as Kayura, looking handsome in yet another suit-type outfit, rattled off information that she had been researching for Cale.

"The lot was originally for the old Hotel Monolith."

"I vaguely remember that," Cale muttered, finally able to put his crisp white shirt on. "Build in the roaring 20s, wasn't it?"

"Yup. But just before it was opened, the builder went bankrupt."

"Kinda states how much he put into that hotel doesn't it," Sekky offered.

"After that it was sold to some eastern buyer. Beyond that, there are no other records. It must have been torn down, since you saw nothing but an empty lot, but nobody can find any record of when or by whom."

Cale stepped out from behind the screen, looking distinguished in his suit. "Or if," he whispered.

"What?" Kayura asked.

Cale ignored her with his usual determination, and quickly left the room, Sekky automatically on his heels.

"Wait a minute, Cale," Kayura seethed. "What did you just say? Where are you going? Cale!"

The ride to the empty lot was filled with two-wheel turns and Kayura trying to beat an answer out of Cale and not succeeding.

Cale stepped out of the cab and looked up to the majestic hotel, filled in all the glamour of the 1920s, looking extravagant against the darkening sky.

Sekky and Kayura looked at the empty lot, to each other, then to Cale.

The building was exquisite as it appeared out of a fog, many thanks to Image playing with Photoshop again. "For an American construction," Cale whispered, "This is magnificent."

"Cale?"

"Boss?"

Cale turned to them, his winter blue eyes shining. He grabbed the arm of a passerby--Professor Yagyu--and pointed to the beautiful hotel before them. "What's the name of that building," he asked.

The old professor looked at the empty lot, then to Cale, and in true New Yorker fashion, ignored him and went about his business.

"Cale," Sekky hissed, "what's going on?"

Cale turned to them, his eyes shining and his appearance darkening into shadows. The rain began to fall lightly. "It's so nice to be one step ahead," Cale replied. "Kayura, go back to the mansion. You'll hear from me later. Sekky, I need to get to the Sanctum."

"Why?" Sekky asked, pulling away from the curb before Kayura could get in.

"HEY!" she cried out, getting soaked.

"Because we must prepare for the finale," the Shadow replied, then laughed.

* * *

Go to Finale


	8. The Movie Chapter 3

**Finale**

* * *

If things weren't lightning fast before, they certainly would be now. The camera faded to Seiji and Professor Hashiba, the latter was lecturing the former.

"And then you connect the clock memory allocation device to the explosion generation unit. When the memory allocation reaches the null value, the explosion generator will ignite a cascade of implosions along the inner sphere, creating the unstable sub molecular structure of the bronzium to destabilize and thereby generate--"

"Rowan," Seiji said, still rubbing the sore spot from landing on the floor so often in the previous scene. "I get it. Timer reaches zero, we all go to hell in a hand basket."

"Well, you wanted to know how to duplicate this," Rowan answered. He paused. "Why do you want to know how to duplicate this, anyway?"

Seiji arched a golden eyebrow but said nothing. Had Rajura bruised a rib? Seiji resolved to have a long talk with the one eyed spider when the movie was over.

"So," said megalomaniac began as he entered the circular room. "Can you duplicate this?"

Seiji nodded. "I have Rowan's plans and notes, and his recorded explanation," he added, stopping the dictograph and pulling the tube out. "It won't be a problem."

"Then the good Professor is now obsolete," Rajura said expansively.

"What?" Rowan demanded. "Wait a minute, you can't just --" The Professor's objection was halted as Rajura threw him a dark one eyed glare. Rowan's eyes deadened and his face became blank.

"Go to your room," Rajura intone, speaking at though he was scolding a child. Professor Hashiba walked off without a word. He turned to Seiji. "We leave in one hour." At that moment, on cue, the timer of the spherical bomb displayed 2:00:00, and began to count down. 1:59:59, 1:59:58, 1:59:57. . .

* * *

Cye kept writing things down in the invisible ink he was supposed to be using and stamping the letters with the sign of the Shadow. This seemed like a pointless exercise to him, but he merely did what he was told under the circumstances. Being as this was his last scene in the movie, he knew enough not to question what he was supposed to do. Once everything was written, signed and sealed, he put on a raincoat and grabbed an umbrella, heading out into the pouring rain. Shuu walked by and Cye gave him the letters to hand out. Job completed, Cye left the movie set, glad to be finished.

* * *

At the Hotel Monolith, it was pouring just as it was everywhere else. Two tin can Mongol warriors stood guard, rather pointlessly, at the front door. They knew that Rajura had hypnotized the entire city, everyone saw the building as an empty lot, so they personally thought standing guard was rather stupid. Especially in the rain. Rust, you understand.

So when they saw foot prints splash their way up to them, with no man to go with it, they were rather surprised. They were even more surprised when an invisible first punched their head off. Not what they were expecting at all.

The Shadow entered the empty hall of the hotel, awing for a moment at the sheer opulence. It was obvious where the twins had spent most of their bigger budget, even excluding the special effects. It was beautiful, even for a man from feudal Japan. 

He made his way up the stairs, his shadow splashed at intervals along the walls when lightning struck outside, shining light though the arched windows of the hotel. He climbed the stairs two at a time, not that the audience could see this, and paused for a drama shot for the camera, his black cloak and trench coat flapping in an unseen wind and his silk scarf the deep color of blood. His winter blue eyes shined, and he gave a slight chuckle.

* * *

The chuckle was all that was needed, Rajura straightened from his musings. "Anubisu."

Seiji looked up. "The Shadow is here?" He frowned. "I thought I killed him."

"Then you may have the honor of killing him again," Rajura said placidly, tossing the blond a tommy gun. "Be sure to do it right, this time."

Seiji didn't say anything until he was outside, then he impressed even Image with his downright artistic and creative ability to curse. It was all under his breath, of course; one didn't want that megalomaniac to hear him and then try to do something to him. Mind control can be scary in that sense.

After going down a few flights of stairs, he heard the chuckle that Rajura had heard. The chill went right down is spine, but he dared no show it, and grabbed a flashlight from a flunky before continuing on. The laugh seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere, permeating everything and saturating Seiji's hearing. Seiji followed the voice until he entered an empty dining hall. The tables were pushed to the side, the chairs on top the pristine white tablecloths. The laugh seemed loudest in this room; he entered wearily.

"Ah, the stupid young whelp of a cub tries his hand again."

"I will admit to being curious as to how you survived," Seiji called out. He put on his full armor, his no datchi shining light everywhere. The shadow of the Shadow appeared, and he threw a Rai Ko Zan in that direction. The plated ceiling cracked and crumbed, and the Shadow merely laughed.

"You truly know nothing, Korin no Date Seiji."

The laughter continued, grating on Seiji's raw nerves and, to his shock, the light he was creating dimmed. The shadows grew and covered the room, engulfing Seiji in blackness. The light of his sword continued to dim, until it was merely a faint gray glow in the darkness. Then it winked out completely.

"Cale," Seiji called out, unable to hide the fear in his voice. "How are you doing this? Cale? Cale!"

"I'm right here," the Shadow whispered into Seiji's ear.

Korin swung his sword wildly, connecting with nothing.

"Where are you swinging? I'm over here."

Seiji swung again and missed again.

"Damn it Cale!" Seiji shouted. Sweat was rolling down is face. "This is supposed to be a comedy, a spoof! This isn't funny!"

The Shadow only laughed louder. "Oh, I don't know, Date. I think it's a riot! Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"

That did it. Seiji could stand down entire armies when he wanted to, but he wasn't about to do it for a fanfic. Not even for Image. He ran to where he had entered, slamming into the wall dumbly and tumbling back. The Shadows laughter seemed to fill his entire mind, he couldn't think of anything else. Finally finding a door, he burst out of it, still in darkness, and ran forward. His vision cleared a second too late, and he saw the glass only seconds before he crashed through it, falling down three stories to the entry hall.

"IMAGE I'M _REALLY_ GOING TO KILL YOUUUUUUUUU!"

* * *

The Shadow had thoroughly enjoyed that. It kept a smile on his face as he climbed up the stairs to a random floor, knowing it was the right one because that was the floor the script had mentioned. He found himself in a circular hall, an intricate display of Asian painting and architecture. Rajura sat on what could only be called a thrown, a large silver ball hanging near him. It had an odd timer looking thing on it, counting down.

The object of the movie directly in front of him, the Shadow advanced.

Then Rajura pulled a rope and the room started to spin. Literally. The circular floor dipped and spun, sending the Shadow backward, his arms pin wheeling in a vain attempt to keep his balance. He hit the floor gracelessly and failed to get enough balance to get up. He couldn't even get his feet under him, making for a very comic scene.

Rajura found it all very amusing; and even mimicked the Shadow's laughter.

"For such a prize student of Kaosu, you really are a complete incompetent." Rajura stood and stepped down from the dais. He paused, pondering the joke, but pushed forward. He was really getting into the role. "You have spent too much time in this Western concrete prison. These weak minds and soft wills have softened you to my vastly superior powers. You cannot even control yourself."

Rajura called forth the pulba, the tiger hilted knife, and drove it towards the Shadow. It ripped off the hat and scarf, revealing Cale as he continued to struggle onto his feet. The knife flew again, grazing his arm.

"I'm getting awfully sick of bleeding," he spat. "I'm getting awfully sick of this movie!" His feet under him at last, he ran toward Rajura, but was stopped by the knife as the tiger hilt knocked him in the back of the head and send in sprawled onto the floor again. The golden knife moved to slit poor Cale's throat, but he grabbed the hilt at the last moment.

Cale gritted his teeth, sick to death of everything. He just wished it was all over with. Subconsciously, he reached out, finding a happy place where he knew all his lines, could nail them whenever he wanted. That place reached back, touching his mind and letting him know, yes, it existed, it was right here. Cale opened his eyes and suddenly, it was true. He knew exactly what he was supposed to do.

The knife had calmed in his grip. He looked at the tiger, Black Blaze, and the tiger nuzzled his hand.

"What are you doing?" Rajura's voice entered into his circle, and he was still on the scene, that he still had the movie to finish. And he knew how to finish it too.

Cale stood up, wowing everyone in the audience, cheering him for finally finding his character. He let go of the knife, threw his gaze to Rajura, and the knife followed. It buried itself deep into Rajura's abdomen and, completely shocked, Rajura was finally at a loss for words. The glass windows behind him broke, and his spell on the city wore off, and Touma woke up, and his plans began to come crashing down around him.

To think that Cale was just getting started.

Lacking options, Rajura ran to his escape route, and Cale calmly followed. He was slightly miffed that he had to enter the austere sarcophagus in order to follow, but he did so without comment. He ignored that fact that he should really use a stunt double for the laundry shoot ride down to the basement, and even nimbly landed on his feet. He was in the zone, and nothing was going to stop him. The audience cheered.

* * *

Outside, Kayura and Sekky, who had been standing in the pouring rain, looked on in awe as the Hotel Monolith slipped out of its fog, being displayed for the entire city to see.

"Wow," Sekky murmured appreciatively. "You gotta hand it to Mr. Sasaki. He certainly knows how to do a finale."

Kayura nodded dumbly, before regaining her composure. "Like hell. He was never this good in the radio dramas," she replied.

"Shall we enter," Sekky retorted, already breaking the chain fence and entering the previously empty lot.

"Hey!" Kayura roared. "Wait for me!"

"No time to wait," Sekky spat back. "If Mr. Sasaki needs any help, I'm going to be there."

Kayura blinked, not expecting such loyalty. The Warlords always bickered bitterly, and to see such devotion was rather surprising.

"You coming or not?" Sekky hissed.

Kayura grumbled something and rushed in after him. Soon, they were up in the room with the rotating floor with the giant silver ball that they were supposed to deactivate.

"Where the hell is Rowan?" Sekky shouted. "He's supposed to be on set now!"

"You try finding your way in this monster hotel," a voice shouted behind him. Kayura and Sekky whirled around to see Rowan, completely out of breath, enter the room.

"Dad?"

"Like I know my way around here," Rowan mumbled. "Give me a break."

"Strata," Sekky hissed, "the bomb?"

"I know, I know!" Rowan put on his armor and used the winds to bring the silver ball down. An armored hand ripped away the control panel and pulled out the red wire.

The clock stopped with plenty of time to spare.

"So much for the drama of this scene," Kayura murmured.

"I'll say," Rowan retorted. "I'm done with my stuff. Let's get out of here."

Sekky glared at Rowan. "Where's the Shadow?"

* * *

Meanwhile, at the bottom of the laundry shoot, the Shadow carefully stepped forward, guns in hands, observing the mass of discarded mirrors ahead. He noted absently in the back of his mind that Mirror had a rather interesting habit of showing up rather frequently in this fic. The organ music dramatically blasted the audience

Sliding into the mirror corridors, the Shadow observed that the mirrors didn't reflect things accurately, in reality displaying Photoshop based images. Apparently both Mirror and Image wanted a piece of this finale.

His winter blue eyes hardened, and a cloak of darkness enveloped him, submerging him within his element. Guns were unnecessary. The mirrors that surrounded him started to rattle and vibrate.

"What are you doing?" Rajura demanded, his eyes wild. Cale never had this much power before.

Rajura's response was the chilling laughter. Mirror--s shattered, exploding all around the Shadow, never actually harming the winter blue eyes that shined brightly, the scar that encased them glowing prominently.

One shard of mirror rose elegantly and shot forward to Rajura's head. Rajura fans went into an uproar, only to be silenced as the floor opened up and swallowed them temporarily until the next scene.

"Thank you, Mirror," the Shadow whispered.

"Boss!" The Shadow turned, seeing Sekky running into the room. "Boss, are you alright?"

The Shadow laughed.

* * *

Finally, late as the Calvary was expected to be, Commissioner Doji finally arrived. He took a long, hard, look at the beautifully crafted Hotel Monolith and pulled out a flask to take a long, hard swig.

"Where the hell did that come from?"

This was going to take a while.

* * *

Rajura woke up slowly, his senses foggy. His brain couldn't quite keep up with his optical senses, leaving everything slightly out of synch. He recognized that he was in a white room, but beyond that he could not tell.

A man in a white lab coat came in, his face hidden by an operation hat and mask. All Rajura could see were shining blue eyes.

"Come here," he ordered. The man tripped on his way over, but finally managed to come over. "Look into my eyes," he commanded. If the doctor did or not, the audience couldn't tell. Rajura leaned forward, his white hair wisping in front of his eyes. Many fans drooled, but many more complained that they couldn't see his face. The twins were wondering about that as well. Image continued to type the scene while Mirror hunted down who was in the editing room. This had to stop

"Yes," Rajura continued. "Now, release me at once."

The doctor, Saber-stryke, shook his head, any smile he had hidden behind his mask. Then he slipped off the bed and fell to the floor. Why are we seeing the take where everyone kept falling?

Saber-stryke got up, pushing on. "I am sorry, Dais."

"I'm Rajura this episode."

"Oh. I am sorry, Rajura."

"You're supposed to be polite."

"Oh. I am sorry, Mr. Rajura, but that will not be happening any time soon. Now, let us have a look at those stitches."

Rajura blinked; his one eye wide. "Stitches?"

The camera panned around, bumping as it traversed over its own wires, and the resolution jumping at it rammed into poor Saber-stryke's head, sending him toppling back onto the floor. Once it finally cleared, it revealed a healthy portion of Rajura's beautiful snowy hair had been shaved off, replaces with an ugly C shape of stitches. Rajura had had a lobotomy.

Realizing what was happening; he tried to get up, to fight his way out. But he was in a straight jacket, too. With the Rajura fans still somewhere below the theatre, the resistance to the change was only token. This only outraged Rajura even further. He fought against the straight jacket, pulling and twisting his arms, which only caused HIM to fall to the floor.

Finally, Mirror burst into the den. "I found him!" she cried out. In her hands was Yuli. "The little brat found his way into the editing room and thought he'd make some changes to make the movie funnier."

"Little gakki freak of nature," Image muttered. She pulled out an all powerful eraser and made the blue eyed kid disappear.

With the editing problem fixed, Rajura, now back on the bed, gave an animalistic growl, trying to get out of his bonds.

"It was quite a close call," Saber-stryke continued. "We saved you, but we had to take away a piece of your frontal lobe. You need not worry, we have yet to evolve to a point were we use it, unless of course you believe in telepathy."

Saber-stryke got up and exited the room, locking it behind him. Rajura finally managed to get up, looking out the tiny square of the glass window.

"I am Rajura Won Khan! The last descendant of Genghis Khan! Release me at once!"

"I'm Talpa!"

"I'm the Ancient!"

"I'm the executive producer of Sunrise!"

Saber-stryke made no expression as he signed off for Rajura.

* * *

Kayura and Cale stared at each other. Both were in evening wear, standing in front of the Cobalt Club bar. They tried to glare each other down, but neither was willing to back away. Kayura had her wealth of determination to make her character strong, and Cale had FINALLY found his spring of acting ability and wasn't about to give it up.

They continued to stare at each other, until finally they shook hands.

"We'll just agree to disagree."

"Agree to hate each other."

"Yes," they said simultaneously.

The two turned around and walked away.

* * *

Post Show:

* * *

Everyone hunkered around the buffet table. Fuan and Mouri were already digging in, but many wondered at the merit of eating any food that the twins had laid out. Kujuurou in particular remembered how the movie had started and wasn't about to wake up in another fanfic.

The twins, still in their old armor, walked almost gracefully up to the table.

"We would like to thank for the movie. We promise this is the very last time we'll ever use you for the Shadow."

"I've heard that before," Date said, staring at Image icily.

"Aw, come on," Mirror said glibly, "You all had fun, didn't you?"

The replies varied greatly.

The doors to the room were suddenly opened and Yuli entered into the room.

"Hey!" he cried out. "Why didn't you like my editing? It made things funnier! People always like seeing outtakes, don't they?"

"They like seeing outtakes where somebody gives a funny line," Mirror retorted, "not because people trip over each other." She turned to her sister, "I thought you erased him."

Image nodded. "Don't ask me."

"Food!" Yuli joined the others at the buffet table, filling his plate until it was rivaling Fuan. "Hey," he asked. "Can I edit your next comedy fic?"

Jiro, who had suffered the most under Yuli's editing, replied, "No, absolutely not! I'm a good actor, damn it, and I won't have you screwing my scenes around!"

"You call yourself an actor," Date replied. "All you did was laugh maniacally. You had no meat to your character."

"Like you did either," Jiro spat back. "All you did was grovel before my brilliant acting."

"Like hell I did," Date fumed.

"Yes, you did."

"I did not!"

"You did!"

"Did not!"

"Did!"

"Did not!"

"Did!"

Kayura pulled out her shakujo and whacked both of them. Sugar fell briefly as Image admired her lovely Date.

"At least we're out of this fic," Fuan commented, gulping down a large piece of something unidentifiable.

"We bloody well better be," Mouri agreed, sipping his drink. "I've had enough of cameos."

"At least you didn't have a steady part," Kayura mumbled. "The Warlords and I were stuck with tons of lines to memorize. I think Naotoki is the only one who actually knew what was going on."

"Yeah," Ryo commented, "how come he's the only one who knew how to act and all the scenes?"

Naotoki grinned snakishly. "I'll never tell."

"At least it's over," Hashiba stated gratefully. "If they're actually writing a post-show, I don't think we'll ever have to worry about this again."

"True," Image replied. "But that doesn't mean we won't ever try to do a comedy fic again."

Many groans ensued.

"By the way," Luna asked. "You guys did a good job of incorporating a lot of the lines from the radio, like the intro about the 'wealthy young man about town' and such, but how come you didn't use 'The weed of crime bears bitter fruit; crime does not pay'?"

Mirror looked over to Luna and blinked. "Can you honestly picture Kujuurou using that line and pulling it off? We were barely able to get 'Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men?' in there."

Kujuurou turned to the people surrounding them, his eyes a cold winter blue, his scar glowing slightly, and his voice an icy wind. "The Shadow knows."

The Shadow laughed.

* * *

The End


End file.
